PODCAST TRANSCRIPT

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:03

Bald and Blonde, welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results, and create a content like wherever you are. And here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:27

And hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior, your host from Down Under, and with me, as always is Daisy Papp, International Excellence Coach from the Florida Keys, which I don't think is Up Under must be Up Over in America, between us embracing the globe now 54 countries, we're happy to report. It's super, super exciting. Just a note, we record about six weeks out so we could be at more right now. As at the end of July, we're at 54. And we're super excited to be talking to all you guys out there, all around the globe because we do believe that we can spread a message of learning and growing and becoming better versions of ourselves and that will then make happier families and happier communities to live in.

Daisy 01:27

Yes, I agree. Hello to the world, hello, dear Kathi, good to see you. Now, what's up your sleeve?

Kathi 01:34

I've got a juicy one today. Daisy. It's a bit left-field, but we were having a conversation about three weeks ago and you mentioned off-the-cuff, ah yes, bingeing behavior. It's very interesting, the reasons for it. And then you threw out three different types of bingeing. And the third one was TV shows, and I was thinking to myself, hang on, I binge watch TV shows. (Laughter) I really need to make this a topic so we can get out of Daisy what it is she meant by that? So that's what we're going to talk about today is binge behavior. It comes in many forms and I'm intrigued as to why my Netflix binge-watching is not a good thing. (Laughter)

Daisy 02:23

So actually, this topic is about Daisy's memory. Can she remember a conversation she had out of the many with Kathi three weeks ago? And how well can she memorize and how well can she put together thoughts from them? Well, I don't, I can't remember what I thought back then, but well, binge, whatever we binge, actually, is not there a part to it that, oh, I can't get enough of it.

Kathi 02:52

Yes, I think that's exactly why I binge watch TV shows is because they do this cliffhanger thing and I want to know what the next part of the story is, right into the story and the characters and what's going on.

Daisy 03:07

Ah ha

Kathi 03:07

And the little world, the author and the director have made up for you. And I guess it's an escape for me, but I get super intrigued and I want to watch the whole thing.

Daisy 03:18

Well, so actually, it's also binge curiosity then. So you're extremely curious because what I hear you say that then you want to know how it's following up and what's happening next. I do understand what you're referring to. I remember maybe 20 years ago, I read such an interesting historical novel, that I was so intrigued by, I truly didn't sleep all night through because I had to read further. Now, I had the luxury to not get up in the next morning or even the day after, so I knew that okay, so I have time to recover from that. And I totally understand it. I'm not saying that bingeing is bad in general. I think it depends on is it a habit? So when you, for example, deprive yourself of sleep, because you're still binge-watching your, I don't know, the XYZ show, then there is a consequence to it. And I believe then if you're depriving yourself from sleep, and then, therefore, your performance will be kind of affected the next day or two or maybe longer, maybe it will affect your concentration, then it is not self-loving, it's not self-respecting, and therefore there's a danger to it. Now, the escapaholism is another topic because what am I escaping from? When I do it solely for entertainment, nothing wrong with it. There's a song, I listened to it the other day three times in a row because I was just in the mood to it. I had the time and it was just lovely. So I binge listened to the song. So I believe that the balance point is important to have. So what do we balance it out with? What's the counterpoint?

Kathi 05:07

The consequences.

Daisy 05:08

The consequences or how do I balance it out? So for example, I binge eat sushi tonight, let's say because there's so much sushi, and I don't know which one to choose. So I ordered this roll and that roll and this nigiri and this sashimi for example, and I eat it all, then I may feel heavy a few hours later, or will it keep me off from having a restful night's sleep because I'm still trying to digest or my body's working while I'm sleeping, instead of resting, then the question is, so what is it that made me do it? So I think it is a good idea to have a look what's behind it, because if I do it, only to escape, so I don't think for these 10 minutes while I'm binge eating my sushi and just shoving it in instead of really enjoying it, then what is it that I'm trying to avoid? Because the question is what's behind it? I do really not recall what the binge that you refer to three weeks ago was I cannot recall. I wish I could.

Kathi 06:05

It's not surprising. It was a very off-the-cuff remark. We weren't even talking about bingeing. And honestly, I'm not sure what you would have said had we kept talking about anyhow, I just remember it being a great episode. And this is super interesting because what I'm hearing is that the bingeing behavior is one thing, the consequences are another thing. And then the reason behind the behavior is another thing as well. And I guess, for me, I don't consider my binge-watching of TV shows to be a really unhealthy thing, because I don't let it impact anything else I do. But if I think about bingeing as a word, and with the other types of bingeing, to me, it brings forth this picture of trying to fill a hole,

Daisy 06:57

But which hole are we filling? And what are we filling it with? For example, if I have a hole of loneliness, and now I try to fill it with TV, I'm not really going to successfully fill the loneliness with sitting by myself on the couch watching TV, binge-watch, because when I have the feeling of being lonely, then I can make contact, I can reach out to friends, even when they're in a different timezone different continent, different countries, or maybe here close by. So it is, I think, a healthy idea to think, okay, so what's my need? And how can I fill that need or fulfill this need, instead of filling it with something that doesn't belong there and that substitute at the end is not fulfilling at all. I know a lady when she feels upset, she goes shopping. Now, this is very expensive for her and her daughter learned to do the same. Well, mommy was a great teacher. So mommy nowadays is more concerned that the daughter is not frustrated, but rather happy, so she's not going to spend so much money while shopping on her credit card, you see? So now, when the mother comes home after the shopping, and then she complains to everyone, ah yes, all these bags. And what a luxury problem to have! Nevertheless, she perceived as a very bad thing because now she has to clean up the closet, she has to put everything into new arrangements, she needs to get rid of the old clothing that she had, or the old pots, the old glasses, the old decoration, whatever it is. So she's still deprived of the lack of fulfillment in a specific area of her life when she tried to binge shop so she's actually defeating the purpose on several levels. Because afterwards comes the guilt, the shame, I shouldn't have spent all this money I know the neighbor they just lost their job, they don't know where to work and I'm going out shopping spending all this money. And then they feel guilty. Now because they feel guilty now comes another binge-in. So maybe then the lady starts binge social media, binge movie streaming, binge phone calls, binge texting, binge bitching, by the way, I know a few of those, the binge bitchers.

Kathi 09:22

it sounds a little bit like an addictive circle there.

Daisy 09:26

Binge is I think very close to addictive. But let me just circle back to the binge bitchers because it's also it's a habit. So it's something and then they overdo it. And once you're in it, it's kind of a hard way to find out.

Kathi 09:39

Yeah, absolutely. And I think we touched on that and gossip in our drama queens episodes, didn't we?

Daisy 09:46

You have a very good memory. I would have not recalled in which episode, but I do recall that we had recorded something related to this topic. Yes.

Kathi 09:55

I'm guessing I remember because I get to pick them Daisy (laughter).

Daisy 09:59

That's true. You have a very different relation to the topics. That's true. That's true. So binge and what to do about it, I believe it's a healthy idea to have a look, okay, so what's behind it? I admit myself that I do binge things sometimes too, work. It's not that I'm a workaholic.

Kathi 10:19

Yeah, I'm guilty in sporadic spurts, but I don't care. I think it's if I'm getting a creative hit, I'll just roll with it. But then I have arranged my business around being able to do that. So yeah.

Daisy 10:34

Same here. So I know what I do, on Fridays, I have a specific program, that is my habit. On Fridays, I do something very specific, maybe one day I share. And I keep my Fridays open. So I'm either still up Friday morning at 530 in the morning, or I am already up. So sometimes I'm working through the night, I start doing what I do, then at 0530, due to the time zones in the morning, 5:30 am. And then I'm up at 1-2 pm and then I go and rest a little bit, and then I go about my day, what's still leftover of it. Now the question, is it binge? Or is it really that there's a fascination behind it and a curiosity and a level of interest. And it is not that I could not do it later, but I want to be part of it live. It's something that is streamed live, and I'm very interested in it. So I could still watch the replay. But it's so different for me, I like to get live information because that's very dear to me. Now, I plan around so that it doesn't affect me. I know when I'm sometimes writing when I write articles, or when I write a book or when I prepare some new empowering audio programs. And as you just mentioned, as well, like when I'm in this creative loop, then when the muse kisses me, oh, I allow her to kiss me. Muse is my visitor at any time and I will arrange and adjust. And that's the wonderful thing that we have the ability to do that and to change our schedules accordingly when we have these moments, but I think that's a very healthy bingeing.

Kathi 10:34

Yeah, I agree. I think it is, too. So I don't think bingeing is always negative at all. And I think the key that I'm hearing is, let's look at this thing that makes us feel like we need to binge. If I think about my own behavior, and sure once I'm into a show, what keeps me going is the curiosity. But sometimes, if I'm honest, the reason I start, like I sit down and go, what am I going to binge-watch, is because I'm just sick of the rest of my life that day. And so if I'm honest about that, there are other things I could probably do that would be just, probably even better for me, like, I'd probably better off getting dressed, make myself look a bit pretty so I feel good and going out and interacting with people is probably the best thing that I should do on those days. But it's also the last thing I feel like doing. So it's like, ah, I'm going to binge-watch on TV,

Daisy 13:18

Or putting up your running shoes or your sneakers and just go for a walk. When you go for a walk for 45 minutes, and I'm not talking like the slow-mo snail speed walk, I'm talking about tuck, tuck, tuck, tuck so like really like a nice speed walk, and you do that for 45 minutes, your binge need is usually gone. Why? Because your body is producing through the oxygen and through the motion and the energy, emotion, energy in motion, it will produce wonderful hormones and neurotransmitters and you'll feel much better. So it's your choice.

Kathi 13:55

That's a much better example. (Laughter)

Daisy 13:57

It is not about okay, I must go out and socialize. No, you can do that by yourself.

Kathi 14:03

My point with the human connection piece of the socializing because I do believe that can be really important for our mental health. Right?

Daisy 14:11

Yes, it depends on the company and the quality of the company though.

Kathi 14:14

Of course yes.

Daisy 14:16

But instead of feeling down and then now okay, so now, um, an, rr, rr, I'm going to grump my day along and then I'm going to be grumpy tonight and I'm going to be grumpy tomorrow and then I continue like this because I binge and binge. Now, a young client of mine, she just admitted to me today, because all of a sudden she felt really down and I said so what happened around that time when it started? Because I like to fish. Not like fishing literally for fish, I don't do that. But I like to fish for what's underneath. I like to have a look what's behind it. What's the cause? What's the drive behind it? And so she says, oh, nothing changed. I'm around the same people doing the same work. I'm quite content. I'm taking walks with my dogs. I feel quite happy. I'm traveling. And I'm okay. I said so nevertheless, then it is actually up to you. So which thoughts you're thinking of? Yeah, well, so why am I not feeling good? I say, okay, so now you're in the hamster wheel. That's also binge thinking, very dangerous species. The binge thinkers, I think they're very dangerous because they get into the hamster wheel and cannot find the exit. And then sometimes they run faster. And then sometimes they're exhausted.

Kathi 15:37

Also known as overthinking.

Daisy 15:38

Yeah, that's what I'm referring to.

Kathi 15:41

Yeah, just to be clear. Yes,

Daisy 15:43

I agree. Thank you for clarifying. And then I mentioned to her well, so when you then start thinking that okay, so why am I, why am I not doing so well, why am I still don't feel really happy. So now she's on the next thought that she's bingeing on, right, she's not finding the exit. And that thought leads to her feeling not good enough, so I said to her well, now you know that all your energy goes, actually to somewhere where it's not really recyclable, where it's not really useful and you don't get really much out of it. Now, in our conversation, we had an hour and a half phone session today, and then she says, Oh, do you know what? Oh, I'm actually binge-watching true crime. I just have to admit to you, I just came to the conclusion, I totally forgot. I said, Oh, that's a great way to do it to really feel down and bad, to continuously think about the crime and the mean people and the sickos and those who are violent, and those who are after people, that's a great way to do it if you want to continue feeling bad, continue doing it. If you want to get out of it, stop doing it. What you have the power to do you also have the power not to do, very clear. It only has one commitment. One.

Kathi 16:56

Yeah, that's super interesting, too, because we mentioned that last week when we were speaking about tolerance, and intolerances around violence, and movies and games. So that's super interesting that she pinned it back to a true-crime TV series. And I can imagine that that would be quite negatively draining. Like I don't watch things like that, for that actual reason. I don't even watch the news because it's usually negative. I'm just like, yeah, I don't need that in my life.

Daisy 17:28

Very good. Very good. I do believe it is important to be informed. But you can do that five minutes a day, or you can do that five minutes a week. The consistency of a specific shower, look, I really like hot showers, I truly enjoy them, but 10 hours a day, 15 hours a day? I know people they get up at 4:30 in the morning, switch on the TV, and before they fall into bed with the TV on they're watching the news.

Kathi 17:59

Yeah.

Daisy 18:00

Now I mean, that's binge news watching! Now I don't want to know how their inside world looks like unless they come to me because of course then I'm interested and passionate about helping them, but imagine what's in there, in their subconscious mind in their inner world, in their thinking and their belief system & so forth. So what are they trying to fill up with? And now I very much liked when you pointed out that there's a hole and I like to go back to the nine universal needs all humans have and realizing that there are nine universal needs that all humans have in common, no matter the geographics, no matter the age, no matter the gender, no matter likes or dislikes, no matter their level of wealth or education. These are always constant, so they're constant, and always the same. Now, when we know that these are needs that all of us need, then I can have a look before I start bingeing anything, binge eating, binge drinking, binge smoking, binge drugging, binge video gaming, binge x, y, z, from A to Z, the whole list, before they start doing it, you'll have a much greater chance of stopping yourself from doing it, instead of once you're in it, getting out.

Kathi 19:19

Right.

Daisy 19:20

So it's easier to say no in the beginning. So when we first have a look at this list, and maybe I can have a video, put it on our website so people can download it for themselves.

Kathi 19:32

So the nine universal needs is super interesting. And I just want to jump in here and say, if you want to go and get the transcript of the episode, it'll all be written down in there for you. So you can just jump over to baldandblonde.live, Show Notes at the top, and go to Episode 60.

Daisy 19:51

That's a great idea. Thank you. So the nine universal needs these are fundamental human needs according to Max-Neef, as explained by Marshall Rosenberg who did the nonviolent communication theory, and he really taught that, and he was very brilliant, good man. So the nine universal needs are sustenance and substinance, protection and safety, affection, or love, understanding and also empathy, creation or creativity, recreation or idleness including play and rest, identity, or community, for example, sense of belonging, warmness, autonomy, or freedom and participation or meaning and purpose. Now, when I look at that list, when I feel a little low when I become more sensitive to myself that oh, okay, so my energy is going down, or my mood is going a little off, or I feel a little saddened or I feel a little this, that or the other, then take this list, have a look. Okay, so which of my needs are not fulfilled, and you will find maybe one, two, maybe three of them are not fulfilled, and then try to find some ways to fulfill this need before you go bingeing. Because I promise you, the binge is not going to fulfill the need that's underlying,

Kathi 21:15

Mmm

Daisy 21:16

I think this is a very healthy approach to do and it's very practical. I have my clients do that, when, for example, they have conversations, and they say, oh, yeah, and the other person just blew up on me. I said, okay, let's pull out these nine universal needs, which of their needs was not fulfilled. And then when we see instead of, okay, a person's behavior, but we can have a look, and we can ask, which of your needs is not fulfilled, usually they don't know. But I can still elegantly find a way in a higher level of communication, to find out which of their needs is not fulfilled, and then I start giving them that, so much easier. And progressive, we get to the goal much faster, easier, smoother.

Kathi 22:00

It makes so much sense. And even when you've read out the nine universal needs, I was like nodding, I'm going yes, yes, that completely resonates with me, all of those things. In my study, they spoke about Maslow

and his hierarchy of needs. But I think these nine actually say it so much better because they really encompass all of the things that it really means to be human and which I know that we all feel the need to have. And I could probably also say, without generalizing too much, that almost everybody's got some gaps going on.

Daisy 22:41

Yes. So now the beauty of it is that we can become really more homosapiens than a conditioned, trained animal that's just a little bit more evolved than the others. And we can take our power back,

Kathi 23:00

yes,

Daisy 23:00

and start becoming more sensitive. Now, when I binge, my sensitivity levels are down. I may be sensible, and I may be sensitive, yeah because I'm so oh yes, I'm so vulnerable. I'm so sad, I'm so alone, poor me. That could be. But when I become more aware, what's really going on within me, only then will I be able to fill those needs that I before wasn't even aware they existed. They existed, yes, but I had no clue that they existed. I felt it but I didn't know what was wrong with me. You can see it oftentimes when little children when they get tired, and then they start maybe crying or they're starting really to just misbehave in the eyes of the adults. Because maybe in their eyes, it's just fun. They're trying to cope with their tiredness with their tired bodies with a heavy feed with tired eyes. And when we then go there and ask them, hey what's your need. Children are much more capable of telling you what they really need. Maybe they snuggle in your arm, and then they fall asleep over it. It's great when then you'll bring them to bed and it's fine. But maybe it's something else. And when you become more sensitive to those needs, then you can also teach your children to not even go to the binge. Now, the person who is binge video gaming, what are they lacking? What is it that they miss in their life or what is it that they escape from? These two options I think it's very interesting to have a look at. Look, I'm not a binge expert, I'm using the common sense that's not so common nowadays. The little that I have left, I'm trying to connect the dots and I do believe that everything and anything we do there's something underneath.

Kathi 24:48

Yeah, I 100% agree with that. And I think that you've given people the perfect place to start, doing that self-inventory and looking at which of our universal needs are not be met. I think that's a brilliant way to go and it's super easy for anybody to go and do. So if you would like to do that for yourself, go to our website. Again, it's baldandblonde.live. Go to show notes at the top menu, and click on episode 60. There's a full transcript in there that will list out the nine universal needs for you. So you can do a little bit of the self-inventory (chuckle), which we love to do, don't be Daisy?

Daisy 25:29

Yes, I think it is such a good thing to do. And when we are more and more aware that it's a good time to do from time to time, then we have great chances to have a more content life and we will be more peaceful from within, therefore bring that peace outside and we're creating and generating a better outcome for all involved.

Kathi 25:50

Yeah, for sure. This has been a really great conversation about bingeing. I'm glad that I made it a topic and we hope it's been interesting for you guys out there as well.

Daisy 26:01

I'm glad I survived it. (Laughter)

Kathi 26:06

I never had a doubt Daisy, I never had a doubt!

Daisy 26:09

Thank you

Kathi 26:09

That's it from us for this week. Thanks to our audience for giving us your time and energy in listening and sharing our weekly podcast. We super appreciate you. And thanks to everybody who has supported us via Patreon. We're super, super grateful for all of your support. And if you have not done that yet, there's a button on the homepage of baldandblonde.live, jump over there now and give us a cup of coffee to help us keep Bald and Blonde ad-free.

Daisy 26:40

Thank you so much for your time and thank you so much for all your support and continue sharing. We are

truly appreciative. And we will see what Kathi will have up her sleeve next week!

Kathi 26:54

Absolutely, it will be another great episode, I am sure. That's it from us, we are Bald and Blonde

Daisy 27:02

Mindset Evolution.

Daisy 27:05

Thank you for tuning into the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you'll find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get more value. Please leave us a review on Apple Podcast or Podchaser, that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Talk to you soon.