SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS 

aware, people, years, success, awareness, top, program, life, absolutely, software, subconscious, emotion, established, joke, children, parents, normal, symptom, podcast

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And here your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:25

And hello, everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution, we're so happy to have you here with us. I'm Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior from Brisbane, Australia and I am joined by Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy 00:44

Hi, dear Kathi. Hello to Australia to Tomorrowland. I know. I know. Again, I'm behind. Well, I'm so excited that there's so many people joining us in our Facebook group, the Dream Life Creators. It is just awesome.

Kathi 01:01

It is we're growing so fast. We're so excited about it and the work we're doing in there. And we are so excited that we got so many jokes sent to us didn't wait, Daisy.

Daisy 01:13

Yes. Oh my goodness. And we had so much laughter and it was so much fun to read them. I even forwarded a few and because I thought sharing the laughter is double laughter because when I read it, I laughed once when I shared it, I laughed again. And when I heard the other person laugh, I'm laughing one more time. So it's tripling. It's wonderful.

Kathi 01:37

I love that.

Daisy 01:37

Thank you so much for your interaction.

Kathi 01:40

Yes, I love that now, keep sending those guys. And in a week, we're going to announce our favorite joke, but that will be in our Facebook group Dream Life Creators, as Daisy said, so you need to join us there if you want your joke to win. And now I have to ask our audience Daisy, who out there heard the episode, thought about sending a joke and actually didn't follow through?

Daisy 02:09

That is interesting. Yes. Because I wonder what was going on in their mind. Is that the question? Am I good enough? Is the joke good enough? Am I funny enough? Will my humor be accepted? Or not? Will my joke be embraced as funny? Will it really share some joyful moments, will it create joyful moments for others? A lot of questions going on probably in those of you who did not share a joke with us.

Kathi 02:38

Yes, absolutely. And that self-doubt is so common with most of us on the planet at some point in time, we do experience that. And that brings us to today's topic. Daisy, I want to talk about being self-aware, having a self-awareness that you are experiencing self-doubt maybe, or some other emotion because I think that the first step to changing your emotional mental state is actually being aware of the state you're in. What do you think?

Daisy 03:11

Absolutely. I agree hundred percent, because I refer, I like to refer to my kitchen sink, if underneath it will be dripping. And I have no clue where the water comes from. I cannot fix it. So in order to fix it, I need to understand it first. And therefore, when I don't know that there is something where I can improve in, then how am I going to improve when I'm not even aware that something is maybe a good idea to improve? It's like when you're out in a restaurant, and it happened to all of us. Maybe not, maybe there's some lucky people out there. But I remember it happened to me that I was eating the beautiful whatever spring salad or the pasta and then you have that little thing between your teeth. I have no clue because I don't feel it. But the other person sitting across from me, they see it. And they feel embarrassed that maybe I'm going to be embarrassed myself. And then they tell me you have something there between your teeth. So I can only take it out when I'm aware that there's something right?

Kathi 04:14

That's a good example. Yeah, I like that. And I think it's important that we recognize that we're responsible for ourselves. So it can be confusing to be wrapped up in emotion sometimes. So I think we need to take a deep breath and just have a moment to actually feel what's going on inside. And that act of, of taking that moment is enough to bring yourself into an awareness of how you're feeling. I think it's when we are too fast or we're rushing or we just push things aside or we get caught up in the whatever emotion it is and sort of want to wallow in it a little bit because we may be feel like we deserved too, because something horrible has happened.

Daisy 05:03

But what is the horrible thing that happened to you? Come on, I hear a giggle, what happened, you want to share?

Kathi 05:09

Funny, I'm just laughing at how I go off in these little tangents. But the point is that, instead of getting carried away with the emotion, is to take that pause for yourself. That's something that I have learned to do, because I used to get a little bit carried away with emotions, whether they were positive or negative. And I've certainly left myself sitting in victimhood for far too long over my younger years. And that's a real dangerous place to get stuck in. Because then we can't empower ourselves. Being a victim doesn't help anybody. All it does is just attract more of that negativity to yourself.

Daisy 05:53

Yeah, I agree with you. And I can relate to that, because I felt like a victim as well. Somehow I was rationally, literally I was the victim of the accidents of my parents, being left alone becoming an orphan, but the mindset of Okay, so I'm helpless. I'm hopeless, powerless, I'm out of control. And it takes a while to gain the power back. In order to do that, first, I needed to become aware that I gave my power away.

Kathi 06:26

Yes, absolutely. And it was the same for me. I didn't really realize until I was older, that I'd given my power to society and their social norms. And I was so scared of being different, that I completely victimized myself. And I got stuck there for a really long time. And it wasn't until I got shaken up by an interaction with another very strong person that I realized what I'd been doing to myself, and then had to stop taking the steps to taking my power back. Tattooing my head was one of the ways I took my power back.

Daisy 07:06

The problem I see is that when something happens to us, traumatic, big or small, we're all traumatized to a degree. Let's face it,

Kathi 07:14

Yes

Daisy 07:15

that's reality. What we do with it later on, depends on us.

Kathi 07:20

Yes,

Daisy 07:20

Our responsibility, response ability, the ability, how we respond to past events, when we replay them over and over in our heads. And a very, very good step is to really slow down because this is not a horse race. This is not a dog race, we are here in this life for a limited time, at least I don't know anyone who got a life out of it. And another very important aspect I see now is the quality of people we surround ourselves with. Because as little children, we have no choice. We're born into an environment where everything was set. Either we had parents, or we did not. Did we have siblings or not? Did we have grandparents or not? So it was already set before our arrival. And that was out of our control? I at least don't remember that I chose my family. I know there are spiritual teachers and they say yes, you chose your parents, Maybe yes, maybe no. But let's stick with reality here for a moment. I don't know anyone who remembers when and how they chose their parents or family settings. Therefore, let's stick with reality in this aspect, the stage was set when we arrived, and we adopted and adapted to the norms that were in that stage in that setting that was already existent when we arrived.

Kathi 08:48

Right. So the cultural norms of the culture that you were born into,

Daisy 08:52

geographics, the social norms

Kathi 08:54

of your society? Yes.

Daisy 08:57

Religion, faith

Kathi 08:58

Yeah.

Daisy 08:58

Language.

Kathi 08:59

Yes.

Daisy 09:00

And therefore, as little children, we don't question if that's normal or not, we just take it in, like a sponge that's dried out,

Kathi 09:09

yeah,

Daisy 09:10

get some water, and then it takes in everything, everything. Then we become older when we become self-

aware, meaning aware of self. That happens usually when children are the age between two or three, because before they have a lollipop or something and they try to stick it in your mouth. They don't care. But then they realize no, this is mine. And then children, little children like to say their own name. This is Maria. This is Daisy, I would say or you would say this is Kathi. So that is when we become aware that there's a difference between me and the other and there is somehow like a border where I end and the other person begins, where my belongings belong and where yours begin. And in many cultures, that is very different. And in many families, even though they are from similar cultural backgrounds, it may be still very different because of the emotional differences the parents came with, or already had established when we arrived, then when we get into puberty, the rebellious teenager years, then we question everything ,mmh? That has to do a lot with hormones and growing up and a lot of changes going on in our bodies, and in our minds. And then we find everything, ah that's stupid. We love camping and sitting in a tent or doing fire, campfire, or going to the zoo or going on the ocean. But then when we are like this younger version of adults, like the teenagers, then no, everything is kind of nah, no, ah mm, mm-mm, no, that's boring. We always did that.

Daisy 10:48

And then after that, usually when we get out of school, then there is a social pressure what an 18-year supposed to do. The others are doing this, that or the other, the neighbor's children went to university, you need to start with college, so you can get there sooner than later, rush, rush. And that is really confusing. That is really, really confusing, because we do not know where to go yet, because we did not have the time to develop our own self stability, because we learned in our upbringing, oh I like vanilla ice cream. And let's say I had some mean children who bullied in school and they said, ah, these are bad girls who like vanilla ice cream, you need to love chocolate or strawberry, because that's in. So the self-doubt is almost like injected. And that causes an instability that we can then turn around, the sooner the better. That depends very much on the environment, and the people who we surround ourselves with, when I'm surrounding myself with bullies, because there's nothing else I know, because that's how I grew up, then that will be familiar. I'm always going back to what's familiar. Everyone does. A woman who was beaten by her husband or husband who was beaten by his wife does exist. Many, many cases, I've worked with husbands that were physically, not only emotionally but physically abused. And because there's so much self-doubt that was established within them through the circumstances and the individual not standing up for themselves for whatever reason, then the abuser implements even more, that you're not worthy.

Kathi 12:32

And it becomes a vicious cycle, yes.

Daisy 12:36

 I agree, because it becomes a program now.

Kathi 12:40

Yes

Daisy 12:41

The moment it becomes a program, a habit a pattern, then that's the new standard.

Kathi 12:47

Yes, yes, it becomes your normal.

Daisy 12:50

That's your norm.

Kathi 12:51

Yeah

Daisy 12:52

The beaten woman or the beaten husband, then goes back to what's familiar, when they did not do the work inside, that it's not okay to be abused in any shape, or form.

Kathi 13:05

And actually, I am going to put my hand up, I went back six times to my abusive partner when I was young. Because I did not know that I was worth more at the time.

Daisy 13:18

You believed this was true.

Kathi 13:22

It became my normal, yes.

Daisy 13:24

You established somewhere at some point in time in your life, the belief that you're not worthy, and that's what you deserve. And then you accepted it. And unless you go in there, become aware of the subconscious program, running the show for you, limiting you in everything you can do, but therefore can't

Kathi 13:44

Yeah

Daisy 13:45

Once you become aware of that subconscious program, running the show, now, that is when you can take action. It's like me with a sink, the sink in the kitchen, dripping and dropping, and only when I understand it, that is when I can fix it. And then it becomes very, very important that we surround ourselves with healthy, emotionally intelligent people where moral values and values overall and integrity are on a high-level standard.

Kathi 14:14

Absolutely. Yes, it does matter so much, because speaking from the experience of something and having lived through a violent relationship, they isolate you as well, so that they are your main influence. And as the behavior is repeated over and over, it does become your normal. And that in itself is scary to realize that is happening. And once I realized that it was becoming my normal, I knew that I had to get out for my child sake.

Daisy 14:47

Very well done,

Kathi 14:48

Because I didn't want it to become his normal. That was probably my biggest fear at the time that my son would turn out to be like that man. So that gave me the motivation to act.

Daisy 15:03

Very good. I'm so glad you did. In addition that you did that, it's not only that the father or the partner would have taught your son how a man behaves as a role model, but also you teach him the model of a mother, wife,

Kathi 15:19

Yes

Daisy 15:20

woman.

Kathi 15:21

Yes, because you're enabling it, you're allowing it to happen to you, you're giving your power away to this

situation,

Daisy 15:28

but you can only change it when you're aware of it. Because it takes years, oftentimes. When I work with abused spouses, it takes a while, sometimes it's going quite quickly depends on the individual and for how long they've been in there, and what their social network is. Because if they have lots of support, it goes much quicker, or if they're in so much pain, that they just want to get out than it goes quickly too. But if it's kind of yeah there's a comfort zone, it is possible to reprogram, to recode, all these subconscious programs that run the show. That's why we do selfrecoding. Right?

Kathi 16:05

Yes, yeah.

Daisy 16:06

And therefore, then we override the software, it's like when you update the software on your computer, you cannot go back easily to the previous software, on your phone, you cannot possibly go back to the previous software. And once that happens within you, and you consciously choose doing that. You say enough is enough. And there's a compass, but that's subjective.

When I see, hey Kathi, why are you doing what you're doing? Or why don't you get out, it's not enough, you need to be able to see it. And there it comes back. For example, I have wonderful, wonderful neighbors. And they're God loving people. They live on such a high moral standard, and values standard and integrity level that that is so uplifting. And I know that they as a couple over the past 50 years, they helped many individuals and couples get out of misery, emotional, physical, geographical misery. And they did that on such an absolute high top, top level, I wish that there were copycats of them all over the globe, because I would have a list of contacts where I can send people to where I cannot be there. So it's very important, because when somebody goes and tells you 10 or 15, or 20, or 25 years ago, I don't know when you were in that abusive relationship, and somebody would have told you, if I walked in there to you and told you, Kathi, you're so much more worth and you do not deserve that. I wonder how you could have possibly reacted? Because your programs are always stronger than anything that you rationally can grasp? Hmm?

Kathi 17:43

Mmm. Yes. Well, I was an extreme case, because I'd already had 15 years of conditioning that I was abnormal because of my hair loss. So he was just the next layer on top of that, that was cementing this negative view I had of myself and I was so young, I hadn't realized what self-awareness was yet.

Daisy 18:06

Exactly. You accepted him and his poor behavior, because you already had a program running in you and your subconscious mind that something's wrong with you. Now, whoever's listening out there, I want to tell you the truth. Nothing's wrong with you. Whoever listens this, Nothing's wrong with you. Because you do exactly what you know how to do based on your conditioning and programming. Nothing's wrong with you. Stop judging. I mean, that from the bottom of my heart. I can see this a little touchy for you. Do you get the ocean in your eyes? Hmm?

Kathi 18:41

Mmm

Daisy 18:42

Salt water.

Kathi 18:43

I think it's something really important that we all need to hear and accept and take in. Because I know Daisy says it with love, and I feel it. And I have had such strong programming around being so different, that it still comes up for me. Even now I've tried so hard to evolve my mindset, and my self-awareness and all the strengths I have inside me, still pops its head up. It does for all of us, doesn't it?

Daisy 19:17

You mean like a like a hiccup or something like the crabs on my beach, two steps to the right, one step to the left.

Kathi 19:26

Yeah, we all have days that aren't as great as other days. I don't like to say the word bad because it's just a b' word. But we all do have days that aren't as great as other days. And in those days is when we want you to remember that you are enough and you are worthy and you aren't a victim. You do have power. And we're here to help you take it back.

Daisy 19:52

And another thing that is I think also important to understand that if you're a victim in a current situation, get help, and then start working on your subconscious programs, psychology and psychotherapy evolved so much over the past three, four decades that it is not necessary that you need to go in there and talk therapy for 20, 30 years, we can make changes in an hour and a half, 90 minutes, and you will never be the same again. And no one will ever treat you the way they did

Kathi 20:24

Yes

Daisy 20:24

but it is internal, hmm?

Kathi 20:26

Yes. And it needs that software programming change, which we call selfrecoding.

Daisy 20:33

Yeah, that's right. Thank you.

Daisy 20:35

We talk to you in a moment we take a short break, and we will be right back and I'm going to tell you a personal story where I was absolutely not aware.

Kathi 20:48

And we're back from the break. Thanks for staying with us, everybody. I can't wait to hear your story, Daisy.

Daisy 20:54

Ah, as you see, now I made you curious. It has to do with self-awareness. Because I had a program running within me, that might sound a little bit surprising to those who know me not that closely, and to the audience and our Facebook group. But I was so scared of success. And the reason I'm sharing this with you today because the fear is gone. But it was a huge lesson for me. I was able to sabotage all kind of incredible chances and opportunities that I had. And maybe we do another episode where we speak about our own aha moments, lightbulb moments. That's a good one, maybe the light bulb moment. But what happened here with me is when my father was really on the top of his success, young man, 38 years old, he was out of this world, out of the box thinker. He was 50 years ahead and technology was he did. He was an inventor, and he was just brilliant. And when he was on the top of the success, he crashed in a car, he died, his parents died. And my mother barely survived. And I supposed to sit in that car.

Kathi 22:12

Aaah, and so you would have connected success with his accident.

Daisy 22:18

I was not aware of that. Because there are a lot of things that connected to that accident. Then when I was 17, my mother was on top of her success. What she did and built is just unbelievable. It was absolutely outrageously successful because she, as a lady, back in those days, the plane crash in '85. Back in those days, a lady in an industry where it comes to electronics and security was unheard of. And she was at the top of her success. Now my brother, he was at the top of his success because he was a computer geek. And he was doing programs. So he was a coding guy. And he translated the software's between languages, from German to French for a company that needed both languages. And in 1985, come on how many computer programmers did you know? Right? And he was in the top of his career living in Paris. Wonderful. And he was 24. And guess what? The plane crashed! Where I supposed to sit in the front?

Kathi 23:24

Wow, twice.

Daisy 23:26

Now, I'm super lucky that I survived because I was not in the car and I was not in the plane. That's absolutely miraculous because I supposed to be there. And somehow, in my subconscious mind, there established some connection that, oh, if I'm getting successful, I'm going to die. Now I had a young child, a baby boy. And of course, all I wanted to do, hmm, rationally,

Kathi 23:53

Yeah

Daisy 23:53

to stay alive, make sure he is alive and well and that I am not producing a repetition of the scenario that he won't have to grow up as an orphan, abandoned. Now, I successfully dealt with that. So I kept myself alive. I'm here. My son is alive, easier. And in the meantime, I was sabotaging every single thing, not consciously, not consciously. And then like 12 years ago, I had a brilliant idea. That is when I founded selfrecoding. And I really was onto something. And I did not dare to publish it. Because it was so big. And I was so scared. And then some years ago, I had no idea how do you measure success? I was still successful. But what I really wanted to achieve, to go global geographically, was helping people.

Kathi 24:46

Yeah

Daisy 24:46

It was like me being a racecar rushing up the hill with a handbrake on. And then one day, a couple years ago, maybe five or six years ago, it came to my awareness that wow. Now I get it what I'm doing; the subconscious program that I rightfully so established as an eight-year-old and as a 17-year-old reinforced that same belief,

Kathi 25:11

Yes,

Daisy 25:11

success is dangerous, it's deadly. Once I came to the realization, I became aware of it. Now, that is when I was

able to fix it. And voila, we are global. We are embracing the world, Kathi & I, we're embracing the world, both sides,

Kathi 25:29

yes, here we are,

Daisy 25:30

to the east to the west, from Australia, to the US over Europe and Hawaii and Fiji and India, and over Asia,

Africa, Alaska. It's beautiful. And we're so glad that we were able to do that now. I can today only do what I'm doing today, because I recoded my program.

Kathi 25:49

Yes

Daisy 25:49

I was not aware of.

Kathi 25:52

So that's the great point to bring a tip here to our listeners. So if we are subconsciously sabotaging, how do we bring awareness to that?

Daisy 26:04

That's a good one. I believe it is a good idea to make a self-inventory. Where do you want to be in life and where are you here today? And if there is a big difference between the two, then let's have a look. Where do you spend your energy? Are you running subconscious programs, is your environment not supporting you? Are there emotionally or verbal, abusive people in your environment you need to distance yourself from, and then go and look at your goal, your dream life. And notice how it feels when you think of it, your body is your indicator. If you're thinking of that, wow, that is so amazing. Then I'm living on the beach, and I'm doing that. And then I have friends all over the world. And then I'm going to go on a sailing trip. And then I'm going to water ski. And then I'm going snow skiing, and then I'm going to do that and I will have financial freedom, which will give me timely freedom. Hmm. How does it feel when you think about it right here right now? And your body's your indicator. When you feel ah, no mmm, you have that funny feeling in your stomach, or you start sweating, or you start really getting racy heartbeat, then you already know something's off. Or when you kick in your self-talk, and all kinds of wonderfully empowering, I mean that sarcastically, bad statements come around, where you say, no I can't do that ever. No, I don't deserve that. It's impossible. Now that is also a sign that the subconscious programs starting to show.

Kathi 27:41

Right. So we're looking for the symptoms of our subconscious programming and becoming aware of them and that will help us find the awareness of root cause. And that is what we need to reprogram.

Daisy 27:54

You put it wonderfully, you put it wonderfully, yes! Because you know the root cause. Because the symptom is just an indicator that something's off.

Kathi 28:04

Yes.

Daisy 28:04

And then we look at the symptom, how do we know that it bothers us. And then we go directly into the subconscious mind, fix it there. And then you just come out back into your conscious mind, and into conscious thinking, and your body will start believing the new reality that you just recoded because once you felt it, your body believes ah, that's it. And then your body reinforces your new thinking and it's an upward spiral, right? Not an emotional but a truly actually a biological upward spiral.

Kathi 28:34

 Awesome. And Daisy actually has written a book on this guy's it's called

Daisy 28:41

Software Update for Your Mind. Yeah, it helps a little bit because it's a compilation of quick fixes, where you can also take some inventory, and that helps you out for sure. And if somebody is in need for a more detailed and more individual subjective support, then we're more than happy to do that, because we are soon doing group sessions in our group. And we are going to address some symptom of a volunteer or two in each session. And the tip of the iceberg is just the highway to the root cause and we dig in there, make the changes, like I click my fingers. And that's it. How does that sound?

Kathi 29:25

Amazing. Yeah, it sounds amazing. I'm really excited about doing those group sessions. If you want to be a part of those listeners, come on over to Dream Life Creators Baldwarrior because all of the deeper work is happening from our group. So you need to be in that group in order to be able to access all these other things that Daisy and I do for people which we're really excited about out, aren't we Daisy,

Daisy 29:50

Absolutely

Kathi 29:50

 because our passion and our purpose is here to help you guys.

Daisy 29:54

Yes,

Kathi 29:55

So please do share out this podcast to your family and friends. Because there is something in every episode for everybody. We really talk about stuff that matters and we give shortcuts to changing your life. And also, we need to send out a big thank you to all of our supporters again. We've had so much positive feedback, and our team is growing as we speak, isn't it Daisy?

Daisy 30:21

Absolutely. It is absolutely wonderful to see. And I also wanted to say a heartfelt thank you for the financial support that we are receiving through the podcast because there is a support button on anchor where we publish our podcast and we're really grateful for the little and the big gifts because I can see how people try to express their gratitude and thankfulness for what we are doing. And thank you. Just simply, thank you.

Kathi 30:52

Yes, from the bottom of our hearts, guys. So thanks for tuning into this episode about self-awareness. We were delighted to have you with us and please tune in next time for our next episode, and some more wisdom from Bald and Blonde

Daisy 31:08

Mindset Evolution.

Daisy 31:11

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. Make sure you like our

podcast, comment, and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts, share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.