SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS 

reptilian brain, upset, reptilian, people, life, receive, laughter, podcast, lawnmower, men, minutes, brain, stress hormones, body, switch, happen, responding, death, aware

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results, and create a content life wherever you are. And here your hosts, Kathi Tait and

Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Bold and Blonde Mindset evolution. I am your host, Kathi Tait the baldwarrior from Australia and our other host is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy 00:41

Hi, Kathi, my dear friend and podcast partner, it is awesome to see you again and welcome everybody to a new episode. And let's see what Kathi came up with that she's going to throw at me. But before we go on to that, I wanted to say a big thank you for all the support that we are getting, really around the globe, we receive emails, we receive messages, we receive even phone calls, I've received the first phone call. I have no clue how they found out my number, and they called me and I was in such awe. And we wanted to just to thank you, it really shows us that what we are doing is worthwhile for you and that you're receiving it gracefully and embracing what we're sharing here with you. And that really warms my heart. Thank you so much.

Kathi 01:28

Yeah, it is so great to see that the value we're trying to give out is being so gratefully received, and people are loving it. So keep sending us your feedback, guys, keep supporting. us keep sharing with your family and your friends into your Facebook groups. Because we want to get our word out to as many people as we can because we truly believe that we can help people. And if you have a Facebook group or a podcast yourself, reach out to us because we'd love to give some customized value to your audience and really help them with the struggles they're having right now.

Daisy 02:05

That's right.

Kathi 02:06

Now, today's topic is a juicy one.

Daisy 02:09

Uh oh!

Kathi 02:09

And I'm excited about talking about this, because it's something that we all have. And we all need to learn about in order to have healthier, happier, lives and relationships. Today, Daisy, we're going to talk about the reptilian brain, otherwise known as our primitive brain.

Daisy 02:30

Oh, I like that. Yes. Let's talk about the reptile in the human. (Laughter) Sure.

Kathi 02:40

So as I understand the reptilian brain or primitive brain, it's centered around our instinct for survival, and the flight or fight response that is embedded in our DNA in order to keep ourselves safe.

Daisy 02:58

Yes.

Kathi 02:59

 And back when we were cavemen and women, that was a really important part of our lives. Because it was a different world, there were so many more predators, we weren't as safe as we are today in today's world. So that instinct, that programming that we have, was what kept us safe.

Daisy 03:20

I very much agree with what you're saying. So here's the thing, here's how I used to explain it in sessions one on one, because most of my clients when they come see me virtually, in the virtual office world, they are not aware of them having a reptilian brain in themselves. So when I say okay, let's talk about the reptile in you. And then they look at me with big eyes rolling and freeze and the what? So yes,

it's correct.

Daisy 03:47

So it's also called either the R-complex or the primitive brain and so the reptilian brain itself is the oldest part of our brains, because there's several parts and pieces in it. And yes, it is responsible for the fight, flight and freeze, but it's also responsible for basic body functions, like the circulation, the breathing, the digestion, it's not solely responsible for the digestion, but it is it's part. And now here's the thing when you mentioned the caveman time and the cave women time, and when they were hunters and collectors and so forth, and the women collect the herbs and the berries and the men went hunting for all kinds of not dinosaurs, but you know, the big stuff so that they could feed the family or the village or where people lived later on. It happened maybe once a month or twice a month that humans were in a very dangerous situation. And today, what happened because life became so much faster, we have so many tasks to do, although there is no mountain lion in front of us, threatening us to eat us up or the grizzly bear, the email that we receive or the text message that we receive might be perceived as a life threat.

Daisy 05:08

And now here's what happens with the reptilian brain, it helps us to survive, absolutely. Its main function, its main purpose is to help us survive. But nowadays, we humans, as humans are not made for constant level of stress where the reptilian is switched on. Now, don't get me wrong, there is no switch, I just like to call it that there's a reptilian switch or the switch goes on because it makes it more visual, I believe, to understand. So let's say you and I, we sit in a coffee shop and everything is fine, we're enjoying our cappuccino or latte, and it's wonderful, maybe an iced tea, and maybe a croissant just and we're sitting there, everything is just like on calm. And then let's say, one of us receives a text message or an email, that might be fraud. Because here nowadays, I received lots of fraud calls, messages, emails, and so forth. Where it says, here in America, they have a social security number and that is something that you don't want to share, because it is quite personal and private. And let's say you and I, we receive a message that it was stolen, and somebody is abusing it in another state. And they're asking for credit, or they're just doing something with that social security number. It's not the grizzly bear, but we might perceive it just as such a threat.

Daisy 06:36

Now what happens within us the reptilian switches on, you don't care anymore about your latte or cappuccino, and neither do I. And what happens in the body, everything rushes actually to our arms, hands and legs, all the circulation because that's where it's important to have to either flee or fight it.

Kathi 06:57

Yes.

Daisy 06:58

And if both don't work, then we faint. That's when we freeze. Or some people without fainting, they're just in such a shock, they stop breathing. Therefore, the reptilian brain gets even more alert, because oh my goodness, there's no breathing, no oxygen, the brain uses lots and lots of oxygen. And then we become in an even greater shock. Now, the reptilian brain is a nonverbal part in our brain. So talking to it like trying to domesticate it, like hey sweetie. You don't need to be so aggressive, you don't need to hit the waiter, because you just received that email that your social was stolen or your identity was stolen! No, no, you don't have to do that. It doesn't work like that. Because the problem with that is once the reptilian's switched on, there is no access that we can have, possibly to the creative parts and pieces in our brain. The compassion is low. Empathy is low, because it's all about survival.

Kathi 07:56

Yes

Daisy 07:57

Try to be creative when you're really stressed?

Kathi 08:00

Doesn't work.

Daisy 08:01

Won't work. No, or when you're really stressed, when the reptilian is on, it's not the opportune moment to put the thread through the hole in the needle.

Daisy 08:12

Because the fine motor skills are not necessary to survive. That is when for example, let me give you a story. A man wakes up and he realizes that his alarm didn't go off. And usually, the wife gets up, always 15 minutes later to make coffee for the family. He sees okay, oh my goodness, it's already late. So he's already in a shock mode because he has a very important meeting where it's about his promotion that he's waiting for, let's say 10 years. So for this man, it's very important. Then he wants to go into the shower, but one of the teenagers is still in the shower, so he cannot go into the bathroom. So then he gets even more stressed. Imagine like a little container where drop, drop, drop, drop of the stress hormones comes in, go, go, go, more, more so it fills up. And then finally the teenage girl comes out with a crazy makeup, although at 6:30 in the morning as if she was going to party at midnight. And the father says, ah you know, she's just one thing and why is she doing that and your mother should tell you what not to do. So he goes into the shower and he's so upset that he doesn't really realize how he's switching on the hot water faucet and cold water faucet so he gets a little bit overheated under the hot water. So then he jumps almost out of the shower. He's starting to verbalize his frustration and all kind from A to Z. You know the people have that kind of vocabulary. And then he's trying to shave himself because he is already on this reptilian mode and then he cuts himself. So he starts even more verbalizing his frustration. Then he goes down and the wife who realized that they're already late. She took the children in the meantime to school and forgot to make him coffee.

Daisy 10:00

So now everything is off from his natural world and his, let's say, habitual patterns, that even gives him more stress. So now he sits in the car, and of course, all the lights are red. And then at that moment, this particular morning, all, not really well, drivers are out at the same time. That's how it appears to him. And then he goes into the parking lot, he arrives there sweaty already. And then he pushes the button at the elevator and then they're already five people in and he steps in there. And then he's going up, let's say on to the 15th floor and this elevator is the slowest elevator in the universe.

Kathi 10:45

I'm feeling like this cup is getting pretty full here.

Daisy 10:49

And then he gets up there. And let's say the boss is not there, because they changed the meeting last minute, because his employer or his general manager, whomever is above him, the CEO, had a family emergency. So it was all for nothing. Now the reptilian brain is quite awesome in filling up this container of stress hormones, the problem with this little container is that the opening in the top of it is quite large. So the drops go in much easier, then how to release it, because in the bottom of this little container is just a tiny little hole. And it takes a while until you can release them. Now what happens to the man whose reptilian brain was switched on this tremendous state, he could have responded to the situation in a different way. But he didn't

Kathi 11:37

Well now, Daisy, I know that you're about to drop a gem, (laughter) we're just gonna go to a break first. Stay with us. And right after we'll be back, where Daisy explains how we actually can change this part of us that reacts like this. So we'll be back real soon. Stay with us.

Daisy 12:00

Okay.

Kathi 12:02

Thanks, everybody. And we're back now and Daisy hit us with it. Can't wait to hear this one.

Daisy 12:08

So this man steps finally out of the elevator. And he learns that the meeting won't happen today. And he was waiting for this meeting for 10 years to get his promotion at last. So what could he do instead when he realizes okay, I overslept, the alarm didn't work and I'm going to be late?

Kathi 12:28

Right, before he filled up his cup, he could do something differently?

Daisy 12:33

Yes

Kathi 12:33

Ah ha. Right.

Daisy 12:34

And now the question is, what can we do? I'd say, first of all, ask yourself one question, Is this about life or death? And your answer will be no.

Kathi 12:44

Yeah.

Daisy 12:45

And then take pro action. So when I realized I'm going to be late, make that phone call, apologize that you're going to be late. So be proactive, inform everyone involved, or who can be affected by that so that you can lift the pressure off of you, then you don't have to go through these motions. So the sooner you catch yourself, the better you're off. Not easy to do, to catch it, because some people I know a few, in person, who some people like to call them like drama queen, although when they're males, and they like to milk it. I don't know if you ever heard of...

Kathi 13:25

Oh, I know a few of these. (Laughter) Bless them.

Daisy 13:31

You see, so everything goes right the entire day, but then let's say they go to the market and their favorite cheese is out. And then that's the drama of the day, and they're going to milk it for a month. Just an example. So when you are not that person who is milking, like a little event over a longer period of time, then try to distance yourself from them. Not abandoning them, but don't get into the story. Just notice. Okay, the reptilian is on. Nothing wrong with them. The reptilian is on. They're overloaded with stress hormones. And it takes them a while to clean their system, to calm down.

Kathi 14:10

Right?

Daisy 14:11

It's like a roller coaster.

Kathi 14:13

Oh, can we do something to help those people with that? Because as an outsider, and you can see it happen to them and understand what's going on, what do we do? Because I'm not sure that I know what to do. I've been in those situations and tried to calmly speak to them and they've just reacted aggressively. So I think this is a great question. How do we help other people when we see them in this state?

Daisy 14:41

I think the first thing is help yourself, because it's not your responsibility to help them. That's their responsibility. You can help them become aware by asking questions. Not sarcastically, again, I'm completely against sarcasm. Okay, unless I'm sitting in a theater and I signed up for a specific show and I know it's a play. But in real life sarcasm is always hurtful. So ask them a question, hey you really seem upset, you want to talk about it? And give them your ear, listen. And if they don't want to talk about it, especially men have a tendency to not want to talk about it. Ladies, leave them and don't nag. Second, ladies out there, it's not about you.

Kathi 15:27

Yeah

Daisy 15:27

So don't take it personally.

Kathi 15:29

Give them space and

Daisy 15:31

whatever they need. Judo. There's this book out there, Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, and John Gray, the author, he describes that men like to go into their cave. And sometimes the cave is called the garage or the shop, the lawnmower. And then they're just doing something because it's in their system, and they need to get rid of it. We as a partner, I speak now as a woman, as a female to the female listeners, let them be. The best you can do is say, look, whenever you want to talk about it, I listen, promise. And then you just go about your day and leave them alone.

Daisy 16:08

And men, guys, gentlemen, who are listening to this, take care of yourself. Go for a walk to that garage reorganizing project you always wanted to do, go with your lawnmower and do whatever you feel like doing. And realize that you were producing these stress hormones, because it's your body. So it's not like, Kathi, I'm upsetting you now. And now you have all the stress hormones. No, it's not like I'm having a container with stress hormones and now I give it to you. Mm-mm. It's your response to what I say what I don't say what I don't do. Mmm?

Kathi 16:47

Yeah.

Daisy 16:48

And that goes both genders.

Kathi 16:49

Yes.

Daisy 16:50

So we need to take responsibility. When I'm upset, it's my body responding to external events. And the more I become aware of how I'm responding to it, that is when I can start not controlling it, because part of it is quite challenging to control, you can evolve yourself to a really high level, it takes practice, and a little more than this podcast. But that's why you can join our group as well, where we do group sessions shortly, where you can learn more about that.

Kathi 17:18

Yes, that's Dream Life Creators on Facebook guys, join us.

Daisy 17:23

Yes, yes. Male, female, both welcome. No age restrictions and no geographic restrictions there.

Kathi 17:32

In fact, we have people in our Facebook group from 66 countries around the world. So everybody is welcome.

Daisy 17:39

That's right. So what can we do with a reptilian brain? When I realize that I'm responding to an external event? So what is it? What is stress? Body's response to external events.

Kathi 17:52

Yes

Daisy 17:53

Now when I notice, okay, so it's my body producing it, then I can start not going down the same spiral. Because sometimes it just okay, so you go in the morning, you wake up late, and then you already almost think your whole day is going to be bad. And then, because you focus on everything that could go wrong, you're even like, less secure and you make more mistakes. Why? Because you don't have access to creative parts and pieces in the brain.

Kathi 18:20

And where your focus goes, everything grows.

Daisy 18:22

Everything grows.

Kathi 18:23

Yeah

Daisy 18:24

There you go. When something happens that's really bad, slow down. I think that is a very good thing. Of course, if let's say the water hose explodes in the yard, don't slow down, fix it so that you don't lose all that water. If, let's say something over cooks over boils and spills all over in your kitchen, go and take action. But other than that, if it's an email or somebody cancelled an appointment, just slow down for a moment and ask yourself that one simple question, Is this about life or death?

Kathi 18:53

Yes.

Daisy 18:54

And although the reptilian brain is not a verbal part in the brain, non-verbal, it will still help us become aware oh okay, so this is not about life or death. Actually, it's just I'm 15 minutes late, I'm going to make a phone call, I'm not going to go down that rollercoaster spiral to make my life miserable, and therefore affect the lives of those surrounding me because I'm miserable. And one more thing, when your reptilian is on, it's not the other people's fault. It's not about the other person. So even let's say Kathi would start yelling at me now in all kinds of ABC words, you know, in that specific vocabulary talk, hmm, language.

Kathi 19:39

You mean swearing. (Laughter)

Daisy 19:42

Yes, that's what I'm referring to. If you would do that, then what can I do? So let's roleplay it. Let's do it.

Kathi 19:52

I would never swear at you Daisy. What are you saying?

Daisy 19:55

Okay, this is a roleplay. Okay, you are, you are Jim and I'm Joe. Let's play, you're Jim, I'm Joe.

Kathi 20:01

Okay Joe, you suck. Joe, you did that thing to me yesterday, and I'm really angry at you about it.

Daisy 20:10

I can see that you're upset. And I'm sorry to see you upset.

Kathi 20:13

I didn't expect that Joe expected you to pick a fight, we're gonna have a punch-up.

Daisy 20:18

You can handle that within you. And I apologize if there's anything that I contributed for you being upset, it was not my intention. And let me know if there's anything I can do.

Kathi 20:30

That was very well diffused, actually, before I even got going. (Laughter)

Daisy 20:35

I take the wind out of the sail. So it stops.

Kathi 20:38

it really did, like I was ready for that punchup. I'm gonna recap what you've shared so that our listeners can put this into practice for themselves. So what I'm hearing is the first step is some self-awareness.

Daisy 20:53

Yes,

Kathi 20:54

that you've been triggered, that your reptilian brain is "switching on" air quotes, I put round switching on,

Daisy 21:01

Yes,

Kathi 21:01

because it isn't a real switch. But it is a reaction that we have as an instinct.

Daisy 21:06

You go into survival mode.

Kathi 21:09

Survival mode, so we become aware that our body has gone into that state. And then we make a conscious decision to just slow down for a minute, and assess the situation and first say, is it life or death?

Daisy 21:26

That's right.

Kathi 21:27

And if it is not life or death, then you can take a deep breath and go, how am I going to handle this without just going off into that downward spiral without really thinking about it?

Daisy 21:40

Yes. Because here's what happens in the reptilian brain, it cannot distinguish, is it a real threat or is it something we imagine?

Daisy 21:48

And we have talked about that many times haven't we, that our brain cannot distinguish what we believe and what is actually happening?

Kathi 21:57

Because if we believe it, the brain thinks it's happening.

Daisy 22:00

Then what happens? The body responds with a matching feeling?

Kathi 22:03

Yes, yes,

Daisy 22:04

That's automatic. So here's what happens. Let's say you're Joe, and I'm your wife.

Kathi 22:09

Okay.

Daisy 22:10

And I believe that you're cheating on me. And I'm already boiling. Because I have the pictures in my head. I had the words of what a bastard cheater, I knew it, I should have never married him. So I'm already responding to you, whatever you do, or don't do my attitude towards you changed. Why? Because something internal happened. And when this marriage is really about safety for me, let's say, and I think this is really about life or death if I'm going to divorce you because then oh, my goodness, what's going to happen to me, children, the dog? What's happening to the lawnmower? What's happening to the hair blower? What's happening to the whatever? About the garden? The jet? In some cases? And then so what are we going to do, and then if I perceive it as a life threat, now the brain does not know. But my body will respond, oh, this is a life threat. And then we feel it. And when we feel it, we suffer from it. Now when we feel it and suffer from it, then it will show in our behavior. So therefore, we need to step in, prior to feeling it.

Kathi 23:15

Right

Daisy 23:15

That's actually the key.

Kathi 23:18

Right, there you go, there's the secret guys. So I would like right now to ask our listeners to reach out to us. And tell us if you've had a reptilian brain experience recently and whether this could have helped you change that experience, or whether you believe it could help you in the future, because I actually think this is a really important topic for all of us, because we all have the reptilian brain, and we all can get carried away with our emotions and feelings and reactions. But the trick really, is to step in before all those reactions happen.

Daisy 24:00

Before the hormones kick in. Because when you're filling your body, your system up with adrenaline and cortisol, then your body needs to get rid of it somehow.

Kathi 24:09

Yes

Daisy 24:10

And many people use aggressive verbal, this, that and the other, mmh?

Kathi 24:14

Yes

Daisy 24:15

But when we catch ourselves prior to that, okay, this happened, I don't like it. Is this about life or death? Because maybe if I did not receive that mail, that letter in the mail yet today, because I was expecting it, it was important to me and what's going to happen now and I feel as if it were about life or death, I feel as if it was the mountain lions like 10,000 years ago, 5000 years ago, 3000 years ago, that my body will respond to it as such. And the more people are aware that they have a reptilian brain, and what its function is and how other people have it as well, not only you then if you know each other quite well share this podcast episode with them. And then after that, you can say honey, is your reptilian a little bit upset, instead of going off on them.

Kathi 25:03

Yes,

Daisy 25:04

That helps the other person then be aware oh, yeah, maybe you're right. And I remember the other day I was upset because I had that fixture fixed in the kitchen. I don't know if I mentioned it to you the electricity, whatever. And then it got fixed while I was working in sessions. And the electrician was here and it was all good. And I'm so excited already anticipating what I'm going to do, cookies, cakes, and all things with my KitchenAid and the mixer and so forth. And I go out after a long day into the kitchen, and I plug it in, and it doesn't work. I was so upset. And I thought to myself, this is so upsetting. Then my son was visiting and he says, but Mom, what's wrong with it? I said, I don't know, but I want to be upset now. So I chose to be upset!

Daisy 25:46

He didn't let me enjoy this moment, what he did, he spoke to this device that can play all kinds of music, and he says, I feel good dada dada dada da, doop doop dada dada da. So I could not even enjoy the two minutes of being upset. But why should I, because I'm harming my body, the more I'm upset, I'm weakening my immune system. Stop doing it. And we have actually a PDF that will be in our group, in the Dream Life Creators Facebook group, where is the self-assessment PDF that you can do, it takes you two minutes to go through to check out if you are in reptilian mode. And it also helps you then to see which areas of your life are more trigger-some than others and therefore, it can help you see where you can make some healthy changes. I think that's a good reptilian way.

Kathi 26:37

I love it. So there you go, guys, a big thank you to Daisy for that, gem, once again. Please do come and join us on Facebook Dream Life Creators. If you just search that term, you will find us. Come and join us, we do loads of extra stuff in the group that really helps our tribe out, helps them the way they think about things. Daisy and I both believe that mindset is the key to everything. Please join us. Thanks once again for tuning in and listening to us. We're so excited to see our audience grow so big, so fast. It is just fantastic. We'll be back with you soon with another amazing episode.

Daisy 27:20

Yes, and thank you so much for all the supporters and I have seen through many podcast platforms where people listen to our podcast episodes that they started donating, subscribing and like supporting our podcast. And that is so sweet because it helps us to really keep our quality up and to do what we really love doing. And we're so amazed by your help and your support, and your generosity. Thank you so much. I really appreciate, we appreciate.

Kathi 27:51

We certainly do. Talk to you again soon, guys.

Daisy 27:54

Bye bye from Bald and Blonde

Kathi 27:57

Mindset Evolution.

Daisy 27:59

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment, and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts, share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.