SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS 

judgment, judge, people, judgmental, opinion, life, podcasts, son, conditioning, laughter, easier, heineken, prejudice, episode, important, question, humans, standards, live

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are, and here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:27

Hello, everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior, your host from down under, and with me is Daisy Papp, your host from the top half of the world. Hi Daisy.

Daisy 00:46

Hi, Kathi. Yes, I'm here in my beloved Florida Keys. It's such a little paradise. It is so wonderful. I'm very glad to be here. But I'm even more happy to see you and be here with you to do another episode and I really sit on pins and needles at the very first moments of the recordings because I never know what the topic is. And sometimes I hold on to my chair because it could blow me over. (Laughter)

Daisy 01:12

Well, I'm prepared.

Kathi 01:14

I'm not sure anything could faze you, Daisy. (Laughter)

Daisy 01:18

Yes, it's rare that I'm speechless, but I might take my time to respond instead of react, yes?

Kathi 01:26

Yes, absolutely. As always, I'm going to fling the topic at Daisy and put her on the spot

Daisy 01:33

Fling it, fling it.

Kathi 01:34

I'm flinging. So today we're going to talk about judgment.

Daisy 01:37

Oh, uh huh. That's a serious one. Yes.

Kathi 01:41

Yeah, interesting topic. And I remember as a young teenager, an older child being taught not to judge people. But you know what, no one really clarified, well, for me, and I think that we need to talk about is how judgment is different from opinions?

Daisy 02:01

Mm hmm. Yeah, that's a very good point.

Kathi 02:04

Yes. Because we're all entitled to our own opinions, and our own beliefs and our own likes and dislikes. So at what point does our opinion become a judgment?

Daisy 02:16

I believe it is also an emotional state of mind. Because when I have an opinion, I can even have a strong opinion, for example, I have a strong opinion that I like summers. That's my opinion. But I'm not judging the summer. Unless I say this is so ugly, hot. It is terribly humid. When is this finally over? So that is already then I believe that it's like a very fine line.

Kathi 02:42

So would you say that judgment is criticism?

Daisy 02:45

It has to do with criticism, but I can also judge without criticizing, I can say this is ugly, period. And then I'm not even open to see it in a different light, from a different perspective. I think the two go together a little bit. I think there's something

Kathi 03:00

Do you think judgment is always negative?

Daisy 03:03

No, not at all. Because I can say, this is so great. This is awesome. That's also a judgment. It is a judgment, for example, when I say I like Kathi, but I do not like Joe. That's not only an opinion, because now what's behind that? I don't like Joe.

Kathi 03:19

Right.

Daisy 03:20

Let's collect the data.

Kathi 03:21

Yeah,

Daisy 03:22

I don't like Joe because he's too tall. He's too blonde. He's too brown. He's too suntanned. He's too athletic. He's too big is too.. whatever. That's already there a judgment right? When I say this is too, it depends also on the level of communication because I can say I find Joe's appearance, I find it quite nice. I do not like that he goes fishing every day. Or is going golfing every day. I don't like that. I don't like that he's not washing his hands after he used the bathroom. I think we got that globally right this year. Wash your hands finally. You know what I couldn't believe it. Now I had this is very interesting judgment or not? Huh. Very interesting, I just caught myself. I couldn't believe it.

Daisy 04:15

All over the news appeared covid this covid that and hygiene and this and that. And you need to do that. And don't do that. They posted videos on YouTube showing how to wash your hands. I couldn't believe it.

Kathi 04:30

Yeah, because you thought it was something everybody should have already known, like brushing your teeth.

Daisy 04:37

You see?

Kathi 04:38

Yeah. How many people in the world don't brush their teeth?

Daisy 04:41

Yeah. Or their feet,

Kathi 04:43

Interesting. So you've just caught yourself making a judgment about that.

Daisy 04:48

I could have easily slipped into it, yes.

Kathi 04:51

Tell us how so we understand.

Daisy 04:53

I could have said, so how idiotic is that?

Kathi 04:57

Okay

Daisy 04:57

I think that's quite clear. Because then I judging somehow the ignorance or lack of knowledge regarding hand

hygiene, mmh?

Kathi 05:06

Yeah.

Daisy 05:06

I'm not sure if this is the right word, but when I condemn it,

Kathi 05:11

Yeah,

Daisy 05:11

I think there's where it slips, because that's not only an opinion, now we can train ourselves to become less and less judgmental. I remember about 20 years ago I had a teacher, and she mentioned to me, do you know, the next big thing to be learned, is become non-judgmental. And I thought, I don't think that I'm judgmental. And when I started looking at that, then I realized, wow, in many areas, I was judgmental.

Kathi 05:39

Yeah.

Daisy 05:40

So let's face it, we are humans, right? We are not all judges and jury members. Therefore, stop judging. That's it. Because when I say judgment, then it also goes even further. That almost lifts me up when I'm judging that I'm almost entitled to announce a judgment on someone,

Kathi 06:04

which is an arrogance, I guess,

Daisy 06:06

tell that the judge in the courtroom,

Kathi 06:08

Well, yes. But he's trained and it's his job he's employed. So that's an entirely different matter, right?

Daisy 06:17

Okay, yes.

Kathi 06:18

Whether we agree or not, that's a different thing, because that's their job. But with everyday people, this is a tricky thing, because I think the line's blurred very much between judgment and opinion. And I think it's maybe a lack of understanding of the difference that enables it to be so prolific.

Daisy 06:41

Yes.

Kathi 06:41

I think that this is really important and I also think that there's another point in here, if we make a judgment, it is because of our own personal values and standards.

Daisy 06:53

Yes. And conditioning. Big time.

Kathi 06:56

Yes. And conditioning, right. Now we're entitled to have our own personal values and standards,

Daisy 07:03

yes,

Kathi 07:04

but they can often be distorted by our conditioning.

Daisy 07:09

Yes. And values also change over time.

Kathi 07:13

Yes, as we grow and evolve.

Daisy 07:15

Yes, depending on when I'm 20 years old, and I may have different values than when I'm 40 or 50 and I'm in a different life stage.

Kathi 07:23

Hmm. You know what I've done with this concept most of my life is really just try and live by "live and let live".

Daisy 07:32

Super

Kathi 07:36

Everybody has their own thing, their own way, their own history, their own experience and I'm cool with people just being whatever they are. And that's how I've let the water roll off my back, so to speak.

Daisy 07:50

Well, when it is in that span of respectful behavior, that is a match to your standards.

Kathi 07:56

So that's what I was coming to. Because then, you know, you get this emotion involved, right? So it's very easy to live and let live when you're not emotionally involved.

Daisy 08:09

Yes. And the closer people come,

Kathi 08:11

yes, you bring it closer, and you get emotions involved, and then everything becomes magnified and it is tougher to not react, so we always say don't react, step back and give yourself a second.

Daisy 08:28

Slow down,

Kathi 08:29

and allow yourself to process it.

Daisy 08:31

Mm-hmm.

Kathi 08:31

Yeah. And respond,

Daisy 08:33

yes, I agree

Kathi 08:33

instead of reacting. But the point I guess I'm trying to make is I think that things can turn from opinion, to judgment, when there's emotions tangled in there.

Daisy 08:46

Very quickly. I agree. Yeah. Because when there's an emotional charge, that's where I said the condemning right? When I'm condemning it,

Kathi 08:54

yeah.

Daisy 08:54

When people say I hate that, that it is not only an opinion, it's a relatively harshly expressed opinion.

Kathi 09:01

Mmm

Daisy 09:02

Hmm? And then again, we can choose, but then judgment, oftentimes, we as humans, actually, most of the time, it is easier for us to see others because our eyes look outwards, right? Not inwards.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah.

Daisy 09:19

And then it is so much easier to pick when you're cutting the vegetables because we're cooking dinner together and I see that one little piece of carrot just dropped on the floor.

Kathi 09:29

Oh, happens all the time.

Daisy 09:31

But when I'm cutting the carrots when I'm chopping it, maybe I'm not aware of it. So for me from the outside,

it's easier to see.

Kathi 09:40

Mm-hmm

Daisy 09:40

Hmm? I do believe that it is very important to kind of find a more peaceful standard, how we handle each other, how we meet, how we ask, because here comes in the prejudice, right? Prejudice is a huge judgment. I remember I was in Thailand, it was in Phuket, and I remember there was a young Australian couple, was the first time after their first child was born that they had a time away from home. And he had a very, very sensitive skin and the sun there in Thailand was quite strong and he surely was not used to that because you saw the reaction on his skin, and I saw him in the morning at 10 when I took my morning walk. I saw him drinking beer, he says Heineken. That's how he greeted me in the morning, Heineken. So now if I now come to the conclusion that all Australians on their vacation at 10 in the morning, drink beer, and it must be Heineken, then that's a prejudice.

Kathi 10:40

Ah, sure. Okay. Yes. And a generalization.

Daisy 10:45

Is that too, hah but don't they go hand in hand?

Daisy 10:47

Yes, yes, they do!

Daisy 10:51

No, here comes again. Where does it come from? From me. I wasn't born with that. I was not born to judge. Remember tiny little kids, you have a son? Well, he's a young adult now, and quite established. But when they start crawling, they, they take every little thing in their mouth, it could be a little worm, it could be a snail, could be a rock, it could be anything.

Kathi 11:16

Mm-hmm

Daisy 11:16

mmh?

Kathi 11:17

yeah,

Daisy 11:17

a little pebble. Everything goes in there. The flowers, they don't care. There's no judgment there yet. And then, as we grow up, we learn. This is good. This is bad.

Kathi 11:27

Yes,

Daisy 11:28

polarization.

Kathi 11:29

That's the conditioning.

Daisy 11:30

Yes. Which is partially survival?

Kathi 11:33

Yes.

Daisy 11:34

Because if we would have allowed our sons to pick up everything and anything and eat everything and anything, and jump from everywhere, where they wanted to, question how safely they would have grown up?

Kathi 11:47

Mmm

Daisy 11:48

Mmh?

Daisy 11:48

Yeah.

Daisy 11:48

So it's fine nuances, I believe. But then, when I made a workshop, and there was a lady she attended, and she was very, very upset, because her son was deployed in Afghanistan. And she had spoken with him, I think, once a month, they were able to speak at that time and he told her that he needs to secure a square, where there are executions happening once a week. And she found it just horrible that he had to see all that. Now that question is, is that an opinion or a judgment when she's touched and shocked and empathizes with her son? Now, the son himself for him, that was the norm already, because he was in Afghanistan already for two years. He has seen more things than anyone want to hear about mmh?

Kathi 12:37

Yeah,

Daisy 12:37

so there are different standards. Now who are we to judge how they handle situations in that area?

Kathi 12:45

Mmm

Daisy 12:46

I'm personally totally against violence, no matter what shape or form. I'm about setting boundaries, and I'm anti-violent.

Kathi 12:54

Yeah.

Daisy 12:55

But then who am I to judge? That is a question that we can ask ourselves. So when I'm observing something, for example, though, I don't like these shoes. Question. Is this my opinion? Or is it the judgment? start asking yourself more often than not, so you become more sensitive to it?

Kathi 13:11

Yeah.

Daisy 13:12

And the more sensitive you come to it, then you will also realize it in others. Oh, how judgmental or non-judgmental they are like my teacher told me 20 years ago.

Kathi 13:23

Mmm.

Daisy 13:24

And she is one of the great teachers of non judgmental living and she's still judgmental at times. But she catches herself.

Kathi 13:32

Yeah, I think it's part of our human makeup, isn't it? I mean, and possibly it came from the primitive brain in some shape or form, because it was necessary for survival at some point, perhaps or for evolvement? I don't know.

Daisy 13:48

Yes, maybe.

Kathi 13:50

I think that when something is so common amongst people like the tendency to do this, then it's probably an inherent trait. Maybe it's one of those great life lessons.

Daisy 14:03

Maybe yes. And maybe it's a big societal lesson.

Kathi 14:06

Yes. Because that was my thing. I wanted to relate

Daisy 14:10

Am I in your mind reader today? Wow (laughter)

Kathi 14:13

relate that to social norms, because we did an episode on social norms not that long ago. And I think that this connects in very strongly because social norms are very connected to our cultural backgrounds, which are very connected to the way things should be done, have been done, will be done, need to be done.

Daisy 14:38

Because it was always done this way. Right?

Kathi 14:41

Right. There's some conditioning. There's some social norms that we're expected to abide by if we're in that society, and often that conditioning or that, you know, culture can be filled with prejudices against other cultures, other places, other languages. We're very divided as a race, the human people, right?

Daisy 15:08

Sadly, well, but we're here to change that little by little, we're sharing our wisdom. I mean it in a humble way. But that we have achieved over the decades and to combine Kathi and I, we have 100 years. So it's not that little, I thought,

Kathi 15:25

um, prob yeah. 100 years Daisy! (Laughter)

Daisy 15:31

Universe lady.

Kathi 15:31

I had to think about that and oh sh.., she's right. (Laughter)

Daisy 15:38

Well, it's a lot. But now here, I do believe it is important to get to the conclusion that society got this far and we as humans are just not that evolved, as we wish to see ourselves. So therefore, we can start to becoming less judgmental. And it's not only outwardly,

Kathi 16:04

Yes,

Daisy 16:04

it's also internally.

Kathi 16:06

Good point, Daisy. Again, you've done it, read my mind.

Daisy 16:12

This is so funnys. Tonight, we're having

Kathi 16:16

we're definitely on a wavelength here.

Kathi 16:18

Yes. So let's talk about self-judgment, inner judgment, however you want to refer to it, it is probably even easier to see the difference between opinion and judgment when you point it back at yourself

Daisy 16:31

in words.

Kathi 16:31

In fact, I think that's probably a key point I've just stumbled across. Because if you're not sure, if you're making an opinion, or judgment, maybe put the mirror up. And it might help you realize which one you're actually doing, because it is a tricky thing, like and it's a learned sort of, we need to understand the difference and they're quite subtle, but very, very big, big impact, you know, because the difference in an opinion about something and then making a judgment about something is a huge thing.

Daisy 17:05

But it's a big difference.

Kathi 17:06

Yeah,

Daisy 17:06

if I almost fell, or I felt it's a huge difference.

Kathi 17:10

Yeah,

Daisy 17:10

It's maybe that tiny little moment that you know, where I slipped, and then I caught myself or I fell, right.

Kathi 17:17

So when we talk about self-judgment, I think it's even clearer, it's more obvious what's going on. Because, for me, you know, and I've been self-critical a lot through my life, I've had a tough time, especially with the way I look and having to accept that and learn to live with that and embrace it and stop caring about other people's judgments on me.

Kathi 17:42

But what I've also realized in that process was that I had been judging myself since I was a child, because of the self-beliefs that I grew up with and the way that I saw myself being treated, I took some of this stuff on board and internalized it, and started believing things about myself that were actually other people's judgments.

Daisy 17:50

Mmm

Daisy 17:50

Mmm-hm

Kathi 17:53

And I was too young to know any different.

Daisy 18:12

But that's where it's so dangerous.

Kathi 18:14

Yes,

Daisy 18:14

that's exactly where it's so dangerous. Because this is one aspect of self-judgment, to look inside, but here's what it does internally, the question is; for example, I developed a belief I can't do that, whatever that is. Is that an opinion or is it a judgment?

Kathi 18:34

Well, I think we're capable of anything. So I'm going to call that a judgment.

Daisy 18:38

I leave that open. Because I think it's a great inspiration for our listeners out there to ponder on that question.

Kathi 18:45

Yeah. What do you think guys? Yeah.

Daisy 18:48

What I've observed over the decades is people who are extremely judgmental and have no shame or no threshold to express it harshly. I'm talking about extremely judgmental, mmh?

Kathi 19:03

Yeah.

Daisy 19:03

I believe nothing can come out what is not in there already. And there's two ways how it can get in there. Either the person has been judged terribly, that's how they learn judgment, or they are judging because they learned from their environment growing up. That's what we do.

Kathi 19:23

Yeah. Yeah, I can see that very clearly and agree.

Daisy 19:27

I had a client the other week, and she's rather on the extreme judgmental side. That is stupid. This is an idiot; you can't do that. This is inappropriate, this is horrible. They should be killed for that. So like really bothered internally, mmh?

Kathi 19:47

Yeah,

Daisy 19:47

from their own thinking and where it leads to. And it is possible to soften that when we heal these wounds, either experience at any time of life, because not all trauma or all bad stuff happens in childhood.

Kathi 20:05

Yeah,

Daisy 20:06

some, but not all. There's some people that had a wonderful dream life childhood and then something really tragic happens.

Kathi 20:14

Yeah.

Daisy 20:14

And then therefore their life changes overnight or in an instant, with a blink of an eye. There's this grandfather I worked with, he has a tractor because he has fields and he likes to take his little grandchildren on the tractor, because it's so much fun.

Kathi 20:31

Yeah,

Daisy 20:31

for the kids.

Kathi 20:32

Yeah,

Daisy 20:32

it's exciting.

Kathi 20:33

It is

Daisy 20:33

and these kids, they live in a big farmhouse, his son lives on the upper storey of the house and him and his wife, they live on the ground floor, on the first floor, we say here. So one day, he's taking out the children, and one of his granddaughters, she, she played around, and she was just moving and dancing. And she just switched one of these switches, and something happened to the engine. So it went into reverse. And the girl fell off and got killed by the wheel of the tractor.

Kathi 21:04

Oh, boy.

Daisy 21:06

Of course, his son and his daughter in law, they were terribly upset. And of course, everybody was grieving. And the town where they live at the edge of town and villages around people knew him well and they made a very clear declaration, we're not going to judge you. It could have happened to all of us, to any of us.

Kathi 21:24

Uh, I've got goosebumps.

Daisy 21:27

The man didn't want to live. He didn't want to live.

Kathi 21:31

Yeah, of course, that would be so devastating, it is hard to even fathom.

Daisy 21:36

And you know what his way out was? To forgive himself?

Kathi 21:40

Mmm

Daisy 21:41

Because accidents do happen?

Kathi 21:42

Yes, they do, Yeah.

Daisy 21:45

And it is possible to forgive yourself no matter what you did.

Kathi 21:49

Yeah.

Daisy 21:50

And it is a good start to have a look, what is it that you did, that you condemn, that you really judge harshly within you? And go have a look, let's address it. I'm here. We're here.

Kathi 22:04

Yes, yes.

Daisy 22:06

Let's address it. Let's heal those little parts and pieces, corners and cute little areas in your inner world.

Kathi 22:14

Yes. And honestly, guys, that's what we really try and do in our Facebook group Dream Life Creators, we give a deeper level of support to our tribe in there, Daisy and I are in that group, almost every single day, posting, commenting, reading what people say, sharing our own stories and experiences, and helping you look at things from a deeper level so that we can help you start to create transformation in your lives.

Kathi 22:50

So you're all welcome to join us there on Facebook at Dream Life Creators. Give us a search and you'll find us. And of course, we encourage you to share our podcasts with your family and friends. Because we really think it's important that we get the word out that such, I call them simple, but they're actually simply profound, these concepts that we talk about every single episode, none of it's hard and complicated.

Daisy 23:17

And it's from everyday life.

Kathi 23:18

It is

Daisy 23:19

yes,

Kathi 23:20

yes. So you know, we're doing this in order to help you change right here right now, in your life as it is.

Daisy 23:28

I received an email from a lady and she said that they were listening to one of the podcasts, they were moving, the families moving and all the boxes everywhere. And they were so devastated. But they took out their Bose speaker system, and then they play from the phone on Apple podcasts or episodes. And it was she said life changing for them. Because they were so devastated. Everything is just still a mess and they know it's so much work to do and then they were discussing what we discussed in the podcast. So it just made it so much easier for her and the family when they were moving. So these are the little things and when you start listening to this, and you are touched by this in one way or the other, and then you share that with someone else, and then there's two of you who can discuss it. And then that is how you can expand and grow. And then the other person you discuss it with goes, and maybe you don't know, maybe five years from now, 10 years from now, will remember one of our sentences or one of our tools or skills that we're sharing here, mmh?

Kathi 24:33

Yeah.

Daisy 24:34

But it all starts within and stopping judgment starts with becoming more forgiving and loving within yourself. And that's learnable and doable.

Kathi 24:45

Absolutely. I absolutely believe that. So, please come into our tribe and let us help you more. And that invitation is extended to everybody on this planet.

Daisy 24:58

Yes.

Kathi 24:58

That is what Daisy and I are about, we don't care where you're from or who you are, we want to help you be a better human being, so that you can have a happier, healthier life. And we believe that starts in the mind.

Daisy 25:14

I am so convinced about that, I have a very strong opinion, you see that's not a judgment. And please come and join us on Instagram, we have a new page up and we're going to post stories quite frequently about our lives, our opinions, our not judgments, but about what's happening here on this part of the globe in North America, South of North America, I'm almost at the southernmost point and Kathi is there in Australia. And come and join us on Instagram. Follow us. It's baldandblonde.live, and we're looking forward to share with you even more.

Kathi 25:56

Yeah, absolutely. So thanks for staying with us today. We appreciate your time. Thanks for your support. A big shout out to those of you out there who have sponsored us, we really appreciate that. It allows us to make sure we deliver really professionally edited podcasts and we believe that's really important, so we appreciate your support very, very much. Continue to share with your family and friends, guys, and come and find us on Facebook become part of our tribe, we're growing every day. We want to impact as many people as we can and we need all of you out there to do that, too. We need you to come and become part of the conversation and then take that conversation to your families and friends. That is how we change the world, each of us doing a little part and it's that easy

Daisy 26:47

from the inside out. Yes?

Daisy 26:49

From the inside out, yeah. And come and visit us on Instagram, come follow us and you can find us also not as Bald and Blonde, but as Kathi Tait on Instagram and Facebook and as Daisy Papp on Instagram and Facebook, we're looking forward to hearing from you. And please come on with inspirations for episode topics, we're open and we're looking very much forward to serving you even better.

Kathi 26:49

Yes.

Kathi 27:13

Yes, so thank you everybody. That's it from us today,

Daisy 27:16

thank you

Kathi 27:16

 and we will be back soon with another fabulous episode of Bald and Blonde

Daisy 27:23

Mindset Evolution. We'll talk to you soon. Bye bye.

Daisy 27:28

Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you can find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more goodies, so you can get the most value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcasts, that really helps our show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Thank you so much for listening. Talk to you soon.