SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS 

people, liver, choices, respect, snails, standards, laughter, book, pork, podcast, eat, disrespected, episode, easy, choose, life, find, wonderful, person

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast, hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are, and here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

And hello, everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior, your host from Australia and with me, of course is Daisy Papp, your host from Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:44

Hi, Kathi. Yes, yes, I am Daisy Papp from the Florida Keys. That's right. Well, sometimes it's so funny. Am I really from here? No, I'm not. But I'm living here because it's my chosen home. Well, so glad to see you and I'm so glad to get all the feedback and I would like to mention something that happened yesterday and I'm, I'm seriously, so touched. Yesterday, I've received money. And I had no clue where the money came from. And it was quite a significant amount of money for our podcast. Somebody donated that, sponsored further episodes, and even I now get tears in my eyes, I was so extremely touched, that it's very hard for me to find words for that, so thank you so much. That was such a wonderful gesture and at a time where Kathi and I, of course, we put so much hours and work in this and to see how what we're doing is worthwhile.

Kathi 01:49

Yes,

Daisy 01:49

and that we have that support. So thank you so much. Thank you so much.

Kathi 01:55

It is amazing to know that we are making a difference and that there are people out there who are right behind us and are prepared to support us this way. We're just so grateful. Because it helps us, it helps us get this out to more people, this podcast. And we really believe that this podcast is going to make a difference in people's everyday lives and that's our mission. So much, much gratitude to you guys out there, especially to our financial supporters. We're very, very appreciative. And to those of you who have listened and shared, we also thank you as well for your support, because it is about sharing. It's about going well, this has helped me, who else in my life, can it help? And put it out there because we believe that the things that we talk about are very simple to implement, and anybody can do them to make their life better.

Daisy 02:52

Exactly. And therefore that's how we can change the world. One person at a time.

Kathi 02:57

Yes.

Daisy 02:57

And starting with self. That is the order, mmh?

Kathi 03:02

Exactly. Which brings me to today's topic.

Daisy 03:06

Oh?

Kathi 03:06

which is a very interesting one, I think.

Daisy 03:10

Wait a minute, I see that, you don't see that, But I see Kathi while we're recording. She's just taking off her cardigan, so I didn't know what topics she has up here. Oh up your sleeves. Now the sleeves are off. (laughter)

Kathi 03:24

Well, Daisy, it is actually something that you told me about. And it's kind of got a funny name, which nobody will probably get until without speaking about it.

Daisy 03:35

Oh-oh, I'm in trouble

Kathi 03:38

The topic today is what we were talking about the other day where you say, "make it liver". And I thought that that was such a fantastic saying that I wanted to share that conversation in this episode with everybody out there.

Daisy 03:56

Oh okay,

Kathi 03:56

So let's go, what is "make it liver", Daisy? Everybody wants to know now?

Daisy 04:03

Yeah, well, sometimes, it really stems from me speaking a lot and speaking with lots of clients on a daily basis, one on one and doing interviews and doing the podcast and speaking with new clients and speaking with people who want to sponsor us. So I'm speaking about that, sometimes I'm running out of metaphors, but not because I'm running out of them, there are a lot and I like metaphors because they're so picturesque it's so easy to imagine. So I'm conversing with Kathi the other night in, my night her morning of course, so we could also call this podcast like morning coffee, midnight tea or morning coffee, midnight cocktail or something like that, but we don't. And we were talking about things that we like or dislike, and how some people when they dislike something that then they just milk it a lifetime or for a day, two hours or five hours or two weeks and bring it up every time when there's a family reunion, or when they meet their old colleagues, they haven't met for 10 years and then now they see them and then, oh, I remember what he did.

Daisy 05:13

So when I say "make it liver", it's also a little bit a personal expression, because I personally do not like liver. I have a liver and it's healthy. But that's all I like about liver. So I don't, I don't like that type of food, let's put it that way. I'm trying to be very gentle here. So I had a houseguest some years ago, and the man is from Switzerland, from the French part of Switzerland and he just loves liver. And I said, look, I cook for you really anything I can, but I'm not touching that. He says, Oh, don't don't worry, I make it. So he cut his onions and then he put this liver, I was out of the house, because I do not like it. So when I say "make it liver", I don't like it. It's a very clear statement. I do not like it, period.

Daisy 06:06

And I was in another interesting situation once when I was invited at a family dinner, not my family, but it was a family. And they invited over for dinner. And the lady there she cooked some pork whatever in the oven and she really put a lot of work in it. I do not like pork, I don't eat pork. So it was time to set the table. And of course I help because I like doing these things. I like to make things look pretty neat and inviting, welcoming. And I was asked, so you're going to eat this pork and I said no. Thank you so much and then I was asked again. Yet, you should try it at least and I said no, thank you so much, I don't eat pork. And it went on and on and on. It was to me perceived 15 times that I was asked, I'm exaggerating, but it felt for me like that. And I did not know how to answer any more. What else can you say then? No, thank you. And I said to myself, well, maybe it's time to ask a question. So I dropped it, again said No, thank you. And the lady came back to me and then the brother came back to me, you know, it's almost an insult if you don't try. And I said, what does "no" mean to you? Well, that was quite the end of all the smileys on the faces of the home.

Daisy 07:24

Yeah. But I kind of think they brought that on themselves because they were almost harassing you about eating this pork. Which is a very personal choice. Yeah,

Daisy 07:34

I agree with you. So years later, I still heard about that I dare to say no to the pork.

Kathi 07:42

Oh, really?

Daisy 07:43

Yes,

Kathi 07:43

years later?.

Daisy 07:44

Yes, yes. Yeah, yeah. But now here's the thing. So make it liver. For example, when somebody says, okay, so I like this girl, or I don't like this girl. Lesson, don't hesitate. Make it liver. Don't make her liver, don't get me wrong, be gentle. But verbally, you don't have to emotionally, just okay. I don't like it. Period.

Kathi 08:05

Yes. And I've made up a saying for it.

Daisy 08:07

Oh,

Kathi 08:08

Choose no and let go.

Daisy 08:10

Yeah, that's awesome. Choose no and yet go. Perfect.

Kathi 08:13

Yeah.

Daisy 08:14

If you choose no, then let go.

Kathi 08:17

Yes.

Daisy 08:18

Because I'm a yes, sayer. I love to say yes to things.

Kathi 08:21

Yes, me too.

Daisy 08:23

But if you offer me liver, I'd say no. You and I we meet a lot of people. I know it's pandemic and restrictions here and there. But still, we meet a lot of people and a lot of people meet us. And because they meet us and we're kind of in the public, they might think that they know us so well. Well, oftentimes they don't. And there are some people who I feel personally are not such a great fit for me. For whatever reason, I do not even need to justify it.

Kathi 08:53

Yeah

Daisy 08:54

You know, sometimes you walk into a room and you feel something's off. You cannot measure it. You cannot prove it. But you sense it?

Kathi 08:59

Yes.

Daisy 09:00

And sometimes there are people in our life, I love people, I really do, I love humans and especially when I see them grow and evolve that is so beautiful. And even those who just start getting curious, hey what's, what's behind all this or how can life be more wonderful. So I appreciate that and I love people. And then there are some people who are just not for me. And when I say I do not want to meet that person; I make it liver.

Kathi 09:32

Yeah.

Daisy 09:32

How many out there like liver? Just a personal question. Just think about it. I'd like to hear from you. Statistics. I wonder if there's a statistic out there, how many people like liver.

Kathi 09:45

It'd be an interesting statistic,

Daisy 09:47

without judgment, though.

Kathi 09:49

Yes, I doubt the statistics out there, but it's an interesting question. Yeah, no judgment around it. Personally, I'm not a fan of eating liver either. But I do know people who really like it. And then I also know lots of people who are vegans and would never touch it.

Daisy 10:05

Yeah,

Kathi 10:05

but that's the personal choice. But I think that part of this conversation is acknowledging we need to respect other people's choices.

Daisy 10:15

Yes. And now comes the big, big turnaround. Respect your own choices. Because when I feel that this person, I don't feel the vibes, I have 24 hours a day, my days are very busy. Most of them are 18-hour days nowadays. And I'm not greedy with my time. Not at all, because I'm very generous with my time, but I'm very selective where I spend my time and with what and with whom?

Kathi 10:44

Yes. Well, you do have to be,

Daisy 10:46

yeah,

Kathi 10:47

you're a busy woman.

Daisy 10:48

Yes. And so are you! And, well, yes, we are. And then I respect my choice that there are specific people who I do not want to be associated with. And I can say that very openly from where that comes from. It's not like, okay, it's a lottery and now I like you, I don't like you, ah do wait, okay, number 29 I like you, number 17 I like you. Number 33, I don't like you. No, no, no, it's not going like that. It's because of behavior. It does not matter where the person comes from, how old they are, gender, culture, pigmentation. The only thing that matters to me is their behavior. If I see that this is a person exhibiting behaviors that are not in alignment with my values, and my level of integrity, my moral compass,

Kathi 11:45

yeah,

Daisy 11:46

then I'm not going to spend time, or effort or energy, or even thoughts, or second thoughts, the second guessing, when it kicks in, maybe they're not that bad, mmh? Well, I respect my choice. When I was born, I received three gifts, the gift of my life, the gift of all the life surrounding me and the gift of choice. I'm free to choose. And I'm even free to choose "make it liver". I make it liver. I don't like it. I don't want it. That's it. There's no need for further discussion.

Kathi 12:17

Yeah, so I like this. So first, we've got the actual choosing, choose no, let it go. Then we've also got respecting choices, your own and other people's choices.

Daisy 12:31

Yes

Kathi 12:31

And we talk about respecting our own choices, because we've all done this, we've all in some way done this where we have doubted ourselves or thought, was I too harsh on that person? Or was it really me or have all this sort of stuff around having second thoughts, when actually that's a kind of self-sabotage I think,

Daisy 12:39

Yes, very much. And how often do we manipulate or self-sabotage our own choice? And then maybe devaluate our choice or we even minimize other people's exposed behavior? Hmm?

Kathi 13:13

Yes.

Daisy 13:14

And I do believe, therefore, as a conclusion, it is very important to have standards and we spoke about that in different aspects, several times. But when we raise our standards, and then behave based on these standards, it becomes much more easy to then respect your own choices, we can always take an inventory of our choices and have a look. Well, I chose that I'm never going to travel by bicycle again. Now I had such a bad experience, I'm never go to sit on a boat again, I'm never going to jet ski, I'm never going to whatever, going to the theater again, or never going to see you again. People sometimes are reactive, it's a human thing and that's okay. But we can always go in there and then take an inventory and make a new decision.

Kathi 14:06

Yes.

Daisy 14:07

We don't have to stick with it. But it needs to be congruent with our inner self and with our standards. And that's why standards are so important.

Kathi 14:17

Yes, and there will be a whole episode on standards because it is such an important topic to discuss.

Daisy 14:24

Mmm

Kathi 14:25

And the impact of having standards or not having standards in your life is huge.

Daisy 14:30

Well, we all do. It's just a different level where we have them, and we can set them anew.

Kathi 14:35

Yes, but I also believe that some people aren't really aware.

Daisy 14:40

I agree.

Kathi 14:41

And we need to have the discussion and make them aware so that they can then go Oh, I do have choices like this because when I was younger, and especially when I stuck in that toxic relationship, I had no understanding of any of this.

Daisy 14:57

Yeah.

Kathi 14:58

And it was only my moral code that I'd been raised with that got me out, because I knew what he was doing was wrong and I had to find a way to leave. But I did that, I disrespected myself six times by going back to him, by doubting my choice.

Daisy 15:17

Well, that has to do with a self-worth.

Kathi 15:19

Yes, it very much, very much did.

Daisy 15:21

Yeah,

Kathi 15:22

Yes, it was very much tied in with my self-esteem and my self-worth and well the lack of it because of my childhood. But yes, it's a great example of how we can disrespect ourselves by allowing behavior in our life that is not healthy for us.

Daisy 15:41

Yeah. But therefore, we need to set that standard.

Kathi 15:45

Yes, exactly. Yes.

Daisy 15:47

And we need to set that standard, and then respect our own standard. And for example, some people out there, they're rather argumentative. They always like to pick a fight or just like poke here and there a little bit. The moment when you get in it, you're part of it. But if you stick to your standard, and observe them from the outside and say, well, they're having an argumentative character or personality persona, then respect that. And don't get involved. That's easy.

Kathi 16:20

Yes.

Daisy 16:21

Make it liver. (Laughter)

Kathi 16:24

Yes, that's right. No one said you have to engage.

Daisy 16:27

I get it. I agree. I was sitting in this super fancy restaurant and I was invited and they served my favorite champagne, it's really wonderful, wonderful place. Beautiful view of the ocean and wonderful food. And the people who invited me they just love escargot.

Kathi 16:48

Oh, yeah, we call them snails. (Laughter!!) I know we don't eat them over here. In Australian's headspace, I think that that's a very French thing to do, snails. And yeah, we've got some whopping big snails over here and in New Zealand, let me tell you, but there's no way in hell I'd ever cook them and eat them!

Daisy 17:13

Well, and they're in that restaurant, the people who invited me, they said, you need to try it. And I said, no. And they said, why wouldn't you? You're so narrow minded. And I said, well, I have a taste, and I respect my taste. And I'm not choosing to eat a snail.

Kathi 17:31

Yeah.

Daisy 17:32

And they went on and on and on as well. And I find that kind of offensive.

Kathi 17:37

Yes.

Daisy 17:38

But I set the boundary, so

Kathi 17:39

What country was that in, by the way?

Daisy 17:41

It was here in the US.

Kathi 17:43

Okay, interesting.

Daisy 17:44

Yeah.

Kathi 17:45

Very interesting. Sounds like you guys are quite strong minded about food over there.

Daisy 17:49

No, no, the people inviting me were not Americans. Americans wouldn't do that. I don't think so. Well, there are of course, we get but it's not very popular.

Kathi 17:58

Were they European?

Daisy 18:00

Yeah.

Kathi 18:01

Yeah. Okay. So we won't go into country, country. But yeah, I think it's a cultural difference.

Daisy 18:06

Not so much because I'm European too.

Kathi 18:09

Yeah,

Daisy 18:09

I'm from Germany, I'm not forcing anyone to try it here. Stick the food towards you. That's improper.

Kathi 18:15

Yeah. Yeah, it is crossing boundaries.

Daisy 18:18

Yeah.

Kathi 18:18

Disrespecting your choices.

Daisy 18:20

Yeah. And I don't understand why other people would have such a joy that I would taste something that they enjoy so much, when I just find it disgusting. I don't get it. I make it liver. See? I say no, I make it liver.

Kathi 18:34

Yeah.

Daisy 18:34

And I'm not going to engage in an argument about that.

Kathi 18:38

No, absolutely.

Daisy 18:40

The value of No, is another episode. And it goes back to communication basics. Say what you mean and mean what you say!

Kathi 18:48

Yeah.

Daisy 18:49

And when I say, I make it liver, trust, I mean it.

Kathi 18:55

We could almost say make it snails too! (Laughter)

Daisy 19:00

Okay. Well, you see it, but now here is a very, very big essence to it. There's no anger in it. It is indifference. There's no disgust in it.

Kathi 19:10

So, no emotion.

Daisy 19:12

Well, there is an emotion, maybe energy in motion where I'm just firm

Kathi 19:18

Yeah,

Daisy 19:19

in my statement, or in my likes or dislikes, mmh?

Kathi 19:23

Yeah,

Daisy 19:23

But it's not like, I DON'T LIKE THAT and OOH! That's what some people like are upset. Dramatic, mmh?. A dramaturgia. But if there are drama queens and drama kings out there, so we might all have a tendency to do that but we can also choose not to.

Kathi 19:40

Yes, absolutely.

Daisy 19:42

And then just indifferent. Because here's the thing, when you go into a store, and you see clothing that you don't like but you're looking for something that you might like, are you clinging on to the piece & Look how bad that looks, look at this is horrible. Look at this is embarrassing. No, you walk on you move on and go to the next piece and have a look at that you don't get stuck.

Kathi 20:07

Yeah,

Daisy 20:08

When it's in the store, it's easier. But then when it comes to humans...

Kathi 20:12

yeah,

Daisy 20:13

makes it hard. Make it more easy, make it easy on you, mmh?

Kathi 20:17

Yeah, yeah. And that is a choice too. And I think that my belief is that one of the major issues that our planet, or our people on this planet really need to evolve through, is respecting each other. I think that so much could be so different and so much better and healthier, if we just brought this element in.

Daisy 20:44

That is exactly why I wrote The Island Model.

Kathi 20:47

Yeah

Daisy 20:48

That's exactly what inspired me to write The Island Model, that little book, where it's not that little, but it's, it's like 12,000 words or something like that. So it's not like a big thing and it takes you hours to read? No,

Kathi 21:00

No, it's actually very easy to read. Yeah.

Daisy 21:03

And it's such a simple metaphor. I did not come up with that metaphor. I just further developed it over the years. It's a metaphor from a German psychologist and management trainer, Vera F. Birkenbihl, she passed in the meantime, sadly. And she was a wonderful out of the box thinker. And she was very bright and very smart and she came up with that island model, because it's also very picturesque, very visible makes it easy to grasp.

Kathi 21:31

Yes.

Daisy 21:32

And the Island Model is exactly for that. When you're building it, get The Island Model, read it, and you just stop bullying. When you feel disrespected, or you feel you're kind of very judgmental, read The Island Model, it can stop in an instant.

Kathi 21:48

Yeah, I agree that the book is so awesome, it really does bring such clarity to these concepts.

Daisy 21:56

And it's so simple.

Kathi 21:57

And it's so easy to read, I would encourage everybody out there to take a look. And we do have it in our websites. If you go to https://baldandblonde.live/store, you'll find Daisy's books, audios and our special meditations we're creating for you all in there.

Daisy 22:17

Mmm

Kathi 22:17

So do go and grab the book because it will impact your life in amazing ways that you won't even realize such a simple thing to do is to spend an afternoon reading something, and the impact that it can have is phenomenal.

Daisy 22:33

And it's so simple. And again, that's my passion to give it away, I've given so much of the knowledge away because I want to spread it that I had to write it as a book. Actually, I didn't really want to write it as a book. It was a client of mine here after Hurricane Irma and I started doing group sessions and Lily, she just said Daisy, you need to write that as a book. And two of my books were, were actually inspired where I was receiving kind of a little pushy push, where they said, you know, you need to write that as a book. It's the five plus two, that was Danny who she said, you have to write that. And I said no. (Laughter)

Daisy 23:14

And of course I did, two years later, and it is so important. It is so simple to understand and then when you internalize that concept, which is really simple, then you can also observe people differently. And then you can see them differently, you will become more tolerant. And you can respect others lack of tolerance, because they don't know better.

Kathi 23:45

Yeah

Daisy 23:45

And this is how we can increase the level of respect on this globe. And I'm working on it every day and so do you, mmh?

Kathi 23:54

Yeah.

Daisy 23:54

And once a week we meet here and we do our awesome podcast episodes. Yes.

Kathi 24:00

Yeah, I think today's sort of topic is a fairly straightforward concept. And it should be very easy for anybody to take on board. But we do urge you to get the book because it goes a bit deeper into the subject and shows you another way of thinking that can change your presence entirely, which is really cool. So remember, guys "make it liver" means choose no, and let go (laughter) and it's great, eh? I came up with that right as we were talking. And respecting choices,

Daisy 24:38

yeah,

Kathi 24:38

your own choices and other people's choices. And that's really the point we wanted to make in today's episode.

Daisy 24:45

Yeah, and you can always be a little bit introspective and evaluate what your thoughts are and why is it that you may like something or don't like something or is it still up to date that you like it or don't it, mmh? Because we change over time,

Kathi 25:03

mmm, and does it match your value system?

Daisy 25:05

That's right.

Kathi 25:06

Yeah

Daisy 25:06

I agree with you.

Kathi 25:07

So guys, we hope that that was an interesting episode for you. Thank you so much as always for giving us your time and joining us, thank you for supporting us and sharing this with your family and friends. We know it will impact and help people and we look forward to bringing you another episode really soon.

Daisy 25:28

And please, if you would like to meet Kathi and I in a more personal setting, then you can join our Facebook group, Dream Life Creators Baldwarrior and that is a wonderful group. We are so many different countries, so many different cultural backgrounds in there and it is just beautiful. It's a very peaceful place and Kathi and I, we share personal experiences and you can get to know us a little bit better. So if you're interested in that you can find us there: https://www.facebook.com/groups/dreamlifecreatorsbaldwarrior/

Kathi 26:01

Absolutely. Everybody is welcome, no matter who you are, where you're from, we embrace the globe because we Bald and Blonde

Daisy 26:10

Mindset Evolution.

Kathi 26:12

We'll see you soon.

Daisy 26:13

Bye.

Daisy 26:16

Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you can find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies, so you can get the most value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcasts that really helps our show and help us to get some powerful feedback from you. Thank you so much for listening. Talk to you soon.