READ & LISTEN
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue
SPEAKERS
Kathi, Daisy
Daisy 00:02
Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.
Kathi 00:26
Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?
Daisy 00:43
Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?
Kathi 01:13
Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries.
Kathi 01:25
I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication.
Daisy 01:43
Mmh?
Kathi 01:44
Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?
Daisy 02:49
Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right.
Kathi 03:05
Yes.
Daisy 03:06
So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.
Kathi 03:11
Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that.
Daisy 03:14
I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.
Kathi 03:28
That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)
Daisy 03:37
True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news.
Daisy 03:48
We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways.
Kathi 04:18
Yes
Daisy 04:19
So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language.
Kathi 05:17
Very helpful.
Daisy 05:18
Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to
Kathi 05:28
not even one word (Laughter)
Daisy 05:32
I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy.
Kathi Tait 05:46
Yes
Daisy 05:47
I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important.
Daisy 06:09
And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility.
Daisy 06:36
And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?
Kathi 07:07
No
Daisy 07:07
That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication.
Kathi 07:32
Yes.
Daisy 07:33
And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.
Kathi 07:43
(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves.
Daisy 08:01
So what do you do then?
Kathi 08:02
Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over.
Daisy 08:22
What did you do? How did you respond?
Kathi 08:24
I didn't hang out with her as much.
Daisy 08:26
How sad, I think.
Kathi 08:28
Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.
Daisy 08:40
Yeah.
Kathi Tait 08:40
Boundaries.
Daisy 08:40
The boundaries episode
Kathi 08:41
Yeah.
Daisy 08:41
So okay, but let's go back to communication.
Kathi 08:44
Yes.
Daisy 08:45
Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem.
Kathi 09:01
Yeah, sure, yeah.
Daisy 09:02
Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.
Kathi 09:18
Yeah
Daisy 09:18
That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it?
Kathi 09:32
Yes, it is.
Daisy 09:33
So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.
Kathi 09:43
Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?
Daisy 09:45
And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?
Kathi 09:51
Yes, for sure.
Daisy 09:52
So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go.
Kathi 10:03
Yeah.
Daisy 10:03
I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.
Kathi 10:30
That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,
Daisy 10:32
Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)
Kathi 10:37
Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.
Daisy 10:45
First person singular.
Daisy 10:46
Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback.
Daisy 11:38
I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?
Daisy 11:45
A teenager?
Kathi 11:45
Yes.
Daisy 11:46
What would be a topic? What's the context?
Kathi 11:48
How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.
Daisy 12:00
Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)
Kathi 12:09
I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.
Daisy 12:16
So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?
Kathi 12:24
Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing.
Daisy 12:33
Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.
Kathi 12:42
I am, yes.
Daisy 12:43
We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.
Kathi 12:56
We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?
Daisy 13:01
No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)
Kathi 13:08
It doesn't change no matter how old they get.
Daisy 13:11
Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.
Kathi 13:26
Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.
Daisy 13:32
Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better.
Kathi 13:47
Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)
Daisy 13:56
Could be.
Kathi 13:56
I think it might.
Daisy 14:00
And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.
Kathi 14:04
No, let's help them too.
Daisy 14:05
Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.
Kathi 14:49
Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.
Daisy 15:20
I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting.
Kathi 15:40
Absolutely.
Daisy 15:41
So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person.
Kathi 15:44
Absolutely
Daisy 15:44
Agreed?
Kathi 15:45
Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar.
Daisy 15:48
And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.
Kathi 16:04
Yes.
Daisy 16:05
That's wonderful, thanks so much.
Kathi 16:07
We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have...
Daisy 16:16
Bring it on!
Kathi 16:19
We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!
Daisy 17:15
That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.
Kathi 17:54
Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.
Daisy 18:32
That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon.
Kathi 18:42
See you next time.
Daisy 18:43
Bye.
Daisy 18:44
Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.
SUMMARY KEYWORDS
mistake, laughter, attitude, lesson, learned, agree, laugh, podcast, thinking, burglars, big, husband, choose, create, wife, coffee, episode, milk, glass
SPEAKERS
Kathi, Daisy
Daisy 00:02
Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.
Kathi 00:26
And hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait the baldwarrior from Down Under. And with me as always, is Daisy Papp from the other side of the world in yesterday. Hi, Daisy.
Daisy 00:46
Hi, Kathi, did you always want to tease me about that? That I'm from yesterday. They're saying in German language, it's so funny when they say you know somebody who's behind the time and really holding on to old school stuff and they say Oh, so you're from yesterday. And now I'm literally from yesterday. Hello, my dear friend. I'm so glad to see you. Wonderful that we meet again to co-create another beautiful episode. And I wonder what you're going to throw at me this time.
Kathi 01:17
As always, I like to keep it a surprise Daisy, today we are going to talk about mistakes.
Daisy 01:24
Oh, that's cool. Great. Yeah. Okay.
Kathi 01:29
I think it's a great subject because first of all, everybody makes mistakes. It's part of being human and part of learning. But I think that a lot of people hold a lot of guilt or regret or emotions around their mistakes. And I think that's not really that healthy. So I wanted to talk about it and maybe give our listeners some tips on how they can let go and be able to move forward and not stay stuck because they made a mistake. What do you think Daisy?
Daisy 01:58
Awesome, great, great approach. Yes, I agree. Mistakes are part of learning. And so what is a mistake? What's the definition of a mistake? And what do you base that definition on?
Kathi 02:12
That is a great question. And I guess the definition of a mistake is not getting the outcome we wanted, totally winging that. (Laughter)
Daisy 02:29
Good wing though. Well, yes. So then it is also related to expectation.
Kathi 02:34
Yes.
Daisy 02:35
Therefore, expectations are high. Wait for
Kathi 02:39
mistakes.
Daisy 02:40
Expectations are high, wait to disappointment?
Kathi 02:43
Yes.
Daisy 02:44
And then comes the judgment as a mistake.
Kathi 02:47
Expectations turn into disappointment, which turns into judgment, which creates the feeling of mistake, and then we beat ourselves up over it.
Daisy 03:02
Yeah. And if we don't do it, then we have others around us who take care of that. Shame us, blame us, guilt trip,
Kathi 03:09
hmm,
Daisy 03:10
or any of these things around? And then resentment
Kathi 03:15
and regret,
Daisy 03:15
We can go on.
Kathi 03:16
Yes,
Daisy 03:18
and then keeping it alive forever, not letting it go and bringing it up every holiday or every time I see you. But you did this to me and da, da, da, da, da, da. So I do believe it may be a shocker, I do believe mistakes do not
exist.
Kathi 03:35
Mmh?
Daisy 03:36
Well, because what are they? They're lessons?
Kathi 03:38
Yes.
Daisy 03:39
And then you're at the fork, you have two ways to go. It's like pregnancy, you're either pregnant or you're not? Here, the lesson, you either learn your lesson, or you don't?
Kathi 03:54
Yes,
Daisy 03:54
and then you probably will repeat it and then it becomes a mistake, I believe.
Kathi 04:00
I believe the same, I agree with that.
Daisy 04:03
Doesn't mean that I'm not making them in the eyes of others. I do believe mistakes, as the general public perceives it, are great opportunities to grow and learn and evolve. Therefore, they are your friend. When you make friends with mistakes, then you do not need to feel guilty. You do not need to feel ashamed about it. Do you like it? No! Maybe some lessons we're learning have a higher price tag than others, emotionally, physically, financially, mmh?
Kathi 04:38
Yes,
Daisy 04:39
that doesn't mean that I'm perfect. Not at all. Let's face it. We are all born imperfect. Blame it on the Garden of Eden or blame it on that snake or blame it on whatever you want to do. We are all imperfect. And once you embrace these imperfections and once you really start to connect with your born-with curiosity and you look around, oh, wow, let me try this, and then see the consequences and look and decide, do you like the consequences or not? If you do not like the consequences, do not repeat what you just did. That's it.
Kathi 05:18
I like that because I'm a big believer, as I know you are that we have a choice in every situation. And there are always consequences to our choices. And sometimes we don't always choose the path that gives us the best outcome. But I think if we can reframe in our mind that a mistake is actually an opportunity to learn and grow, then it becomes a positive thing instead of a negative thing.
Daisy 05:50
And that's right. It's an attitude question. Because it's the same. When I say I have to, oh, I have to do that. I have to record another podcast tonight. And I could be doing this that or the other or I can say, Wow, I'm choosing to record another episode with my dear friend, Kathi. I choose, you see the attitude shift immediately.
Kathi 06:11
Yes.
Daisy 06:12
Do I have to? No, I could call you and say I don't want to do it tonight, let's meet next week, next year, next life. So when I choose it, then my attitude is different. Therefore, I'm creating a completely different experience.
Kathi 06:26
Absolutely. Because just the act of knowing you're choosing empowers yourself.
Daisy 06:32
Totally agreed. Now, something comes into my mind, which is not directly related, but indirectly very much so. I know of this woman, she's a teacher, she's of a very wealthy family and she escaped the family as far as she could. So she moved to Central America to a very poor country and she opened a school there. And she is teaching on very humble chairs with very humble desks that they have and very humble notebooks and pencils. She goes to charities and asks them, hey, could you donate some new notebooks? Could you donate and send us some more pencils. And she had that old, tiny, tiny building, she bought it and she had renovated it really very humble circumstances, very humble ways. And in that country are also burglars. And they watched her one evening as she put all the schoolbooks together, which were not many, and the few pencils that she had, but she is highly respected in that community. And then two burglars came, did not know who she was, but they saw her, ah this one woman, we're going to steal everything from her. They surprised her. She was shocked and they held a gun to her temple. So she's there, she speaks Spanish fluently and she tells them, I do believe you're making a mistake. And the young kid, the younger of the two who held the gun against her temple, he was so shocked, so surprised. And he said, what are you talking about? And she said, you see, I know where I'm going, if you kill me, I'm not so sure where you're going when you kill me. He took his hand away with the gun, apologised, ran off with the other kid.
Kathi 08:21
Huh?
Daisy 08:22
Where was the mistake?
Kathi 08:25
It's really interesting. I'm very happy for her that worked.
Kathi 08:30
Oh yes. I have no idea. She is five foot tall. That's maybe 158 in centimeters. She weighs maybe 45 kilos, which is about 92 pounds, this tiny, tiny woman. And she knew that the kids don't know what they're doing. The burglars. So where's the mistake, if there is any?
Kathi 08:55
Mmm
Daisy 08:55
Do you believe that she taught them a lesson?
Kathi 08:58
Yes, I can see by their reaction that they've learned something or at least thought and that was enough to stop what they were going to do, what they'd planned to do and change the circumstances.
Daisy 09:15
Because then that's a really big mistake. They kill her and they will find them and then they sit in prison for the rest of their lives is not really a great opportunity to grow and evolve in ways as they can in freedom. So I do believe mistakes are only a mistake when you don't learn from them. Therefore, my first statement, my opening statement, to me mistakes don't exist.
Kathi 09:39
Mmm
Daisy 09:39
Because I'm learning. Do I like it? Sometimes not so much, uh-uh. I made a technical mistake this afternoon. I couldn't believe that I made it. (laughter) I'm laughing about myself. Because that's my attitude, because I could be so upset because I worked for two hours and I have to do it again. Now, you know, it's a great lesson I learned what to avoid next time technically in this process. And phenomenal, next time, I'm going to save extra two hours. Phenomenal, I'm really proud of that, I'm happy it's fantastic. You see, it depends on your attitude.
Kathi 10:22
Yes.
Daisy 10:22
Now, if a wife has that attitude, when she sees her husband, making, by her perception a mistake, that he's drinking two beers instead of one and that he leaves the bottles or the cans on the table instead of putting them in the recycling bin, and to her, it's a mistake, and he thinks oh why's that a mistake, doesn't matter if I take it out now or tomorrow, but some wives they want to have it done right now, right here and that's a power game. So she considers it a mistake. But now imagine a wife who has an attitude and says, well, so interesting, okay, mistakes don't exist. So how can I inspire someone to learn a new lesson? Oh, imagine what happens then. Sometimes I teach wives tips like that, and tricks like that. And interesting results.
Kathi 11:17
Oh, well do tell. How would she inspire that husband? (Laughter)
Daisy 11:23
For example, maybe next time she puts on the table, all her makeup stuff, and leaves it out there until maybe he realizes that if that's not enough, then maybe she puts all her shoe boxes on there? Not the emotional shoe boxes, real ones. If that's not enough? You know, putting all kinds of things there. Or when it comes just you know, create piles of this or that, or create a pile of laundry, that usually works quite quickly (laughter). And then why don't you put it there? Well, there's, there's, there's no need to process the laundry now is there honey? You see, when you inspire people to start thinking, you cannot think for them? The beauty of it is you see how proud are you when you learn something new?
Kathi 12:08
Oh,
Daisy 12:08
you like it? You enjoy that?
Kathi 12:09
Yes, absolutely.
Daisy 12:10
It's awesome, right? Yeah. Now, when we give a husband or a wife, a way that they can come to a conclusion that they learned something new, mmh? For example, wow, I didn't know that it's so easy to make my wife happy. Instead, I just these two little beer cans an evening, five days a week, make us so happy that I put them in the garage, and then I will bring them out next day. had he known that it's so easy to bring joy into his marriage, he would have done it since decades. But he didn't know. So when we help them understand that there are miracles to be learned quite easily, effectively, quickly. But it takes a wife who then can really, really be so gentle and generous. And do not consider it a mistake anymore.
Kathi 12:58
Mmm
Daisy 12:59
Because is it really a mistake? Let's face it. Is it a mistake?
Kathi 13:03
I think that's subjective, isn't it?
Daisy 13:05
I'd say so.
Kathi 13:06
Because it wouldn't bother me. I would just throw them out. So it's different.
Daisy 13:11
Well, if you do that, since 20 years, every morning, you may not be as happy. Maybe? I don't know,
Kathi 13:17
I don't know, I think different things that are important to different people.
Daisy 13:20
Yes. I agree,
Kathi 13:21
that's just not something that matters to me.
Daisy 13:24
Yeah.
Kathi 13:24
But I'm sure that wet towels on the bathroom floor would probably have the same effect on me.
Daisy 13:30
Oh yeah, you know some marriages really get into trouble because of things, toothpaste lids and toilet paper roll and all kinds of interesting things. Or oftentimes that he dares not to read her mind knowing what she might want, although she has no clue yet. So these, these are real. And then husbands make mistakes. They're not even aware of.
Kathi 13:54
Oh, well funny story actually, which goes to the attitude and the way you look at things. My husband and I played this silent sort of game of which way the toilet roll was on the toilet roll holder, and I like it with the paper on top. And so when I changed the toilet roll, I would always put it that way. And then I'd go to the toilet again he'd turned it around. (laughter) and so I will turn it around. And we never ever even spoke about it. But it was just like this secret little giggly game that we did with each other and it just happened and
Daisy 14:29
sweet
Kathi 14:30
it made it so funny. I would go to the loo and giggle to myself because I knew he'd done it. And I'm sure that he was thinking the same thing. And it just goes to show that it all comes back to your attitude and how you look at things and how you perceive things and how you choose to react or respond. And it was one of the most special things in our relationship. Something as silly as that and I still think of it and smile.
Daisy 15:00
Yeah, that's very good,
Kathi 15:01
because it was like a secret thing just for us. Somebody else might have got upset about the very same thing.
Daisy 15:10
Oh, yeah,
Kathi 15:11
yeah.
Daisy 15:11
I hear it oftentimes in sessions that he dares not to read her mind before she thought. Oftentimes the problem, yes. (laughter)
Kathi 15:20
Which when you look at that statement is quite ridiculous. How can we actually expect somebody to know what we're thinking? Even if you've been married a long time, and perhaps you know each other really well, you still can't actually read someone's mind and know what's going on.
Daisy 15:38
No
Kathi 15:38
and that's why communication is so important, right?
Daisy 15:40
Now question, is it a mistake? When she expects him to know what she didn't think of yet? Is it a mistake? or What is it? Or is it ignorance?
Kathi 15:51
I think it's an expectation that's unrealistic.
Daisy 15:56
I agree with you. Absolutely, yes. And I also add to that it's ignorance, because she does not know better. Usually, when I help, especially wives understand how their behavior might not be that attractive to their partners, they have these light bulb moments and then they realize, oh, wow, and then they can realize, wow, what a great lesson learned. And then it's not a mistake anymore. Yes. And they don't need to feel guilty. They can even go there to their husbands and they say, or even husbands, you know, so I've worked with both parties, of course, human, human. And when they come to the conclusion, they can even go, I wasn't aware of what I was doing while I was doing it. And I just realized that this was not okay and I'm truly apologizing, because I was unaware of it. I wasn't even aware of how it could affect you and I'm working on changing it. Now, when that happens, there's no blame anymore. The resentment container drip, drip, drip, drip does not fill up.
Kathi 16:57
Yeah,
Daisy 16:58
the resentments do not exist, you just solve it.
Kathi 17:01
Yeah.
Daisy 17:01
Lesson learned.
Kathi 17:02
Yes.
Daisy 17:02
That's it.
Kathi 17:03
And taking responsibility for it is a big part of that.
Daisy 17:06
Yes. And a good idea. Hint, try to be more flexible, instead of being stubborn.
Kathi 17:15
Yes,
Daisy 17:16
because I have the right to have my point of view. And so do you, you have the right to your point of view. And only because we do not have that same point of view, and we don't share specific point of views in common doesn't break it or take it or make it. It is just reality base yourself. Oh, we realize that on this toilet paper roll, we do not agree how it's aesthetically more pleasant to my eyes. That's it.
Kathi 17:46
Now it's because it's easier to get it off. But anyway. (Laughter)
Daisy 17:50
Depends on perception. You see.
Kathi 17:52
Absolutely does and your attitude.
Daisy 17:56
That's right. So mistakes do not exist only when you make them out of the lesson that is here to be learned.
Kathi 18:02
Yes. And I think that says it all, I think that says it very succinctly. Short and sweet. This one because it is a really simple concept. That if we think of it differently, and we choose to think of it differently, we can change our attitude, we can change our experience, we can change the outcome, we can change the effect we have on others. And it all comes back to our minds, and how we think about things.
Daisy 18:31
I agree with you are very, very nicely put. When you and I went to school, let's go back some decades. Do you recall a time where you were confronted this was a mistake?
Kathi 18:42
Oh, yes.
Daisy 18:42
In a homework or maybe an exam or something like that?
Kathi 18:45
Oh, yes. The big red pen.
Daisy 18:48
I believe that's a really, really bad habit that teachers have for the entire school system has. I'm working on changing it, you know, in the background, little by little, my vision does not change, the vision is big. Now, because here's what happens. First of all drags your attention, because you made a mistake, instead of showing the child look. So this is how it's really going. And this is only a coordinate point for you, how far you're off from the result that would be correct.
Kathi 19:18
Mmm
Daisy 19:19
Now imagine children in your class, because I recall, I had some classmates who were kind of picked on, some teachers had their favorite picks, literally, and I felt so sorry for them, not for the teacher, for the picked-on student. Now when we look at it, okay, so, hmm, actually, where do I want to be at? Okay, and this is how far I'm off. And I look at it this way, I will feel most likely more inspired to take steps and moves towards the desired outcome. Because the moment when I tell you this is a mistake, you made a mistake. People freeze, it could be a threat in some classes, in some schools, even today, it is a threat. Because then the bullying starts, the laughter starts and all spiral down. But when we, even you out there parents who are listening to our podcast, try to think about it. Is it really a mistake your child just made, or your teenager at home or your husband? Is it really a mistake? Or is it only a mistake in your mind because you would have done it different or have a look at it, oh, this is the coordinate how far we are from the desired outcome, just as an experiment, and look what it does to you to your family, your loved ones, yourself, within you, when you next time, make a
mistake.
Daisy 20:40
I remember something happened to me recently, I think I mentioned it in another episode. I have this espresso machine and very rarely, I really, really, really like to make myself a milk froth, because I have this big glass, four glasses. And then I put a little milk in it. And then I can steam the milk and make this froth and wonderful. And so finally, this little milk becomes this much froth. And then I make myself an espresso slowly, slowly poured. And I'm there and I'm just having the glass and I put it on my kitchen counter. And all of a sudden, the glass explodes. It's like a thousand pieces, of course, the milk all over the place. The house was just perfectly clean. And I was so surprised by what happened, I switched on my camera because I thought I need to film this because I need to send this to my childhood girlfriend, because she's going to have a blast out of this mess. And I'm filming it and I heard myself later on what I was filming how I was speaking, and I was I was so amazed at myself. I was really laughing and smiling gently at myself, because here's what I did. So I was filming this mess and all I said, oh, this is what happens when I finally decide to make once a month or once in six months, myself this milk froth and look at this mess in a freshly cleaned house. What does this mean? I need to clean again. That was my attitude. I listened to it at least five times, I found it wonderful. So was it a mistake? No, you will make it a mistake when you make a mistake.
Kathi 22:10
Yes. It's all how we choose to look at it. And being able to laugh at things you do that are silly or when something doesn't turn out like you expected it to, something as simple as making a coffee and not expecting the glass to explode. And it did. And you could laugh about it. I think it's a great way to actually dissipate any negative emotions that might otherwise have arisen.
Daisy 22:35
Exactly. I agree with you. So I found it so funny because I oftentimes laugh about myself because I think I have some really cute responses to things that other people might consider a mistake. I think to myself when something happens or when a mishap happens. I say Oh, what a great lesson to be learned here. That's it.
Kathi 22:54
Yes.
Daisy 22:54
When you only change that vocabulary, you will feel so much better and lighter. And next time, you feel less stressed.
Kathi 23:02
Yes.
Daisy 23:03
From repeating it.
Kathi 23:04
Yes. And I have my own coffee story, actually, because I used to have a coffee pod machine and the number of times that I've been in a rush and set the machine to do the coffee and forgotten to put a cup there. And then my son did it too. And sent me a video and I'm like, yeah, I do that too. He goes oh, it's genetic! (Laughter) We had a really good laugh about it. And I've done it more than once. And it could be really frustrating, it could be really upsetting, it could be I've wasted a pod. I don't have my coffee; I've got coffee now because it's overflowed. (Laughter) But I'm glad you find it quite amusing, because I know that I'm not the only one that does silly things like that. And I'm okay with doing silly things. That's okay with me. I'm fine with it. And I can laugh at it. And I think that's the healthiest way to look at it.
Daisy 24:03
I applaud you that you're able to do that. And you know what it really is? It is a lesson not completely learned yet. That's it?
Kathi 24:11
Yes. Don't forget the cup. (laughter) It's such a simple thing, but when we're in a rush, things can be missed.
Daisy 24:21
Yeah,
Kathi 24:22
yeah, there's not really that big a deal is it is just a bit of coffee or it's just a broken glass. And I remember thinking that way when my son was little because kids spill things, don't they? They break things. I had a big dog and his tail was always wagging and it happened to be coffee table height, he would whack a glass off it if you weren't careful where you put it and he didn't mean to. So you can choose to be upset. You can choose to get angry; you can choose to be frustrated, you can choose to see it as a mistake, or you can choose to go, I should have been more careful about where I put that glass or I should have put the coffee cup there, oh well!
Daisy 25:00
Focus how you can avoid it from happening again. And it's a lesson learned.
Daisy 25:04
And it's wonderful. Look, what I'm teaching today and what we're sharing here partially on this podcast, is a result of many lessons learned.
Kathi 25:04
Absolutely.
Kathi 25:15
Yes, yes. And that is exactly why we've called our show mindset evolution. Because it's all about helping you evolve, and learn, and create a way of looking at things that is positive and moves you forward and helps you grow. So to us, everything is an opportunity to learn.
Daisy 25:37
There you go. Wonderful.
Kathi 25:39
And I think that's it for this episode on mistakes. So thank you for your time out there. And a big thank you to all of our supporters who have messaged us, who've asked for us to talk about specific topics, who've reached out for help, and who have financially supported us, we really appreciate every single one of you.
Daisy 26:01
And a big shout out to one very special person who wants to remain anonymous, for his generous support of our podcast, technically, and financially and emotionally because when we had a lesson to be learned, that was not the easiest lesson, he was there, he helped us out. And thank you so much. You know who you are.
Kathi 26:25
Yes, a huge thank you to Mr. Anonymous. And that is it from us today. We'll see you again next week with another amazing episode that will help you evolve and grow and have a happier life.
Daisy 26:39
We are Bald and Blonde
Daisy 26:41
Mindset Evolution, bye.
Daisy 26:46
Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you can find the link to our Facebook group, where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get the most value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcasts, that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Thank you so much for listening. Talk to you soon.