READ & LISTEN

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

lemon, people, memory, create, feel, happened, cute, saliva, laughter, respond, sad, animal, breathing, world, life, thinking, news, thoughts, body

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And Here's your hosts Kathi Tait & Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hello everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior coming to you from Brisbane, Australia. And with me of course is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys, America. Hi, Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:39

Thank you so much for inviting me again. Actually, that's not really true. We invited each other so glad to see you and welcome everybody. And thank you, I'm doing fine. How are you?

Kathi 00:50

I'm wonderful. thanks, Daisy, but haven't been through this whole few months recently with COVID hitting the world and things just so unexpected happening this year, it's been quite crazy. And I have to say that I'm gonna open up here and say I've struggled in recent months, some of the time feeling really stuck in a very low space. And so I thought I've struggled with it, I'm sure that there's hundreds of thousands of people out there who are also struggling with the same thing. So we wanted to talk about that today.

Daisy 01:25

Millions, if not billions.

Kathi 01:27

Absolutely. So we wanted to share with you today Daisy's expertise on the topic of deep sadness, what I have done to myself and I find it very, very tough to reach out and get help when I'm suffering through this because I don't want to speak to anybody. I don't want to see anybody. I don't want to be told how to feel better. And so I kind of do get a bit stuck.

Kathi 02:00

And I thought that if we talked about it today, maybe it would help some other people out there. Also get through it like you've helped me get through it, Daisy?

Daisy 02:08

 Absolutely. I so agree with you. These are challenging times, not for just a few people, but globally. So we are all affected by this in one way or another and due to this pandemic, some people say, Oh, it's not even that bad. It's not that much likely that it's so dangerous. It is not deadly. But nevertheless, so the moment you switch on the news, you get bombarded with all kinds of information and who knows what's true and what's not. So I suggest watch less news. That's the first thing that I would suggest. Not because I personally don't watch the news, but I think it's very important to be informed. Give yourself three minutes in the morning, get it out, get it over with and then just flip the page, turn the page, move on with your daily actions, what you can do, great minds focus on what they can control. And stop focusing on what they cannot control.

Daisy 03:03

When somebody sees something on television, what is it that you can truly control? Most of it, you can't stop focusing on it. Some people milk this for days, some people just for years, decades,

Kathi 03:16

Yes.

Daisy 03:16

So you can then if you want it to in the evening again for three minutes, get informed because the news most of the times is repetition. If I personally I'm considered to be a very optimistic and very delighted person, so I'm very positive I have something nice that's going on in my head. So and if not, then I create something or I remember something nice so that I feel better because the body mind connection is inevitable. Wherever your focus goes, everything grows.

Kathi 03:44

Yes,

Daisy 03:45

And if I focus on something that's really devastating, then my body will respond with a matching feeling. Now why would I do that? Let's say by watching the news for an hour, two hours, five hours, some people have it running in the background, as it happened, it will not change your life. Most of it is repetition stop repeating the same old story outside of you and within you.

Kathi 04:09

Yes, and I have to say, too, that the news often creates an uncertainty in our world in an over the top type of way too. They sensationalize it and grow this uncertainty with people and that is not in our best interest. Is it?

Daisy 04:24

 Not at all? And when we go to manipulation, it's very easy to manipulate someone who is in their fear.

Kathi 04:31

Yes

Daisy 04:32

Because you can sell them anything. You can tell them hey, so look at this. These are horrible news and this is going to happen and that is happening and did you see this is happening? All you need is this specific water? Why don't you go and buy it? Very easy. It will help you feel better about the terrible things that go on in the world. So we want to take our power back. We want to start to control. There are many things in my life I cannot control so I start focusing on the future, things that I can control.

Kathi 05:01

Yes.

Daisy 05:01

What can I control most of the time? My breathing. When is the last time you took a really deep breath?Now you did it. But I wonder our listeners out there when is the last time they took a really deep breath? We need oxygen. Our brain uses so much oxygen. The first thing when we're really shocked I don't know if ever notice when somebody really gets some bad news, what's usually that people do? (Sound of inhaling)

Kathi 05:30

Mmm

Daisy 05:30

And then they stop breathing.

Kathi 05:31

Yeah

Daisy 05:32

They don't breathe and then they don't breathe and then they deprive themselves from oxygen and the reptilians which is on of course yes, I know there is no switch in the brains where the reptilian brain would switch on. I like to describe it this way so that we understand that our reptilian brain or the R-complex switches on and then therefore we are actually not having access to the creative parts and pieces of our brains. Now, that is when we make even more mistakes.

Daisy 06:00

When we are under fear, try to put the thread through the hole in your needle. I don't think that's the opportune moment of time, the moment when we are in fear, it's all about fight flight or freeze. So if I can fight it, then let me fight it. If I cannot, then let me flee it. If I cannot flee it, and most adults then go back into childhood habits or throwing a temper tantrum. I don't know if you know some individuals who are capable of doing that.

Kathi 06:26

 Oh, I certainly do.

Daisy 06:27

We can change to the outside, hmm? I thought so. (Laughter) And then what happens is that we are even more out of control, right? We make things worse.

Kathi 06:38

Yeah.

Daisy 06:38

So now the same with this pandemic. It's very sad how it affects millions, if not billions of people around the globe. But if we start focusing on what we can control, I can control my thinking right now, if I want to, and if I focus. I'm not saying it's easy to be done, because we are also in a thinking habit. It is something that we acquired fast...

Kathi 07:02

It will get easier with practice.

Daisy 07:04

Yes. So we have over 70,000 thoughts a day or around 70,000 thoughts a day. Choose wisely.

Kathi 07:11

Absolutely.

Daisy 07:12

Which thoughts are you spending time with. Your body will always respond with a matching feeling to a thought. When I'm thinking, oh, I'm so angry because I'm so angry, I'm so angry, you will become most likely more angry. But when you're angry, and you say, okay, so is there anything I can do right here right now to change the situation? If yes, take action, if not let it go. You can revisit it when you know how to take action, or when to take action, if you can. And again, take a deep breath.

Kathi 07:46

Breathing is very, very powerful.

Daisy 07:48

It's not going to solve the world's problems. But you know one thing when you stop breathing for three, four or five, maybe some people even a little bit longer. You still breathing for seven, eight minutes. That's over, that's it.

Kathi 08:01

Yeah.

Daisy 08:01

So we need to breathe. So do it more consciously. And when we think of the sadness, the fear is feeding that sadness. That is when I surround myself with people, or news, or books or papers or online, there's so much information out there. And very little that can be found that's really positive and uplifting. Start researching those. If you're really sad, if you're down, go and watch some Tom and Jerry or they have these cute little animal videos where the tiny little animal babies are doing, you know, the little accidents or the really cute nothing's harming and it's really just sweet and it will be uplifting or listen to babies giggling or little children giggling, you will not be able to not start laughing if you listen to it long enough. It has to do with our mirror neurons and the brain that is really good. Do that.

Daisy 08:56

Now if something happened in your past that is traumatic or emotionally draining, ask yourself, can you change what happened? Most likely your answer will be no. What you can change is your relation to what happened in the past and how you think about it, how you evaluate it.

Kathi 09:14

That's an interesting thought there. Actually, let's expand on that Daisy.

Daisy 09:19

Yes, ma'am. (Laughter) Yes, ma'am. Well, when my brother died in a plane crash, that's fact, I know it's happened. I've not been there. I was supposed to be on the same plane. I was not. That's how I survived. Now, if I keep the rest of my life, or I continue thinking for the rest of my life that my poor brother, he was 24 years old. He only had so little he lived. He had so many plans and visions, and if I think about that long enough, I will feel sad. Probably my shoulders drop, probably my chin drops, probably my voice drops my attitude drops, my energy drops. Can I make this plane crash unhappen?

Kathi 10:04

No.

Daisy 10:04

I can't. I wish I could. And if I could, I probably would. But because I cannot, what I can do is I honor my relationship with my brother by keeping the lovely, beautiful, fun, cute bonding memories that we shared. That is how I honor the relationship with my brother. Because when I continue to beat myself up, or even blame him, well, why were you where you were when the plane crashed? Why were you on that plane? Well, he actually was the pilot of the plane. So it was obvious why he was on the plane. But if I'm continuously repeating these thoughts that are really the downward spiral, first thing that happens, it's measurable. I'm not a scientist, but I know that scientists measure the impact of negative thinking on the immune system. So what I do, I remember the beautiful things I had with my brother, because as much as I am used to, let's say to be sad about the loss of my brother, does it make him alive again?

Kathi 11:07

No.

Daisy 11:08

So then who am I killing? Slowly? Softly? This is famous song Killing me Softly. Who am I killing? Myself!

Kathi 11:18

 Yeah, that would be you. Yes, yourself. Yeah.

Daisy 11:22

So if I did not cause that accident, and I did not, why would I give myself a life sentence on it?

Kathi 11:31

Yeah, that's a good way of looking at it.

Daisy 11:33

So whoever listens to us out there, I believe that you somewhere, maybe buried deeply within you, you have a memory where you felt loved or where you felt safe, or where you felt just content, go and dig out that memory. Look how it looked like, see what you've seen, feel what you felt, hear what you heard, notice the five senses. If you were eating grandma's cookies, then maybe there was a very, very wonderful smell, and maybe a great taste to it. Wake up your five senses towards that specific great, great memory, your body will respond. And I can give you an example. Imagine in front of you this fresh lemon that I just picked here on the farmer's market. Can you imagine that I'm having just the lemon here in front of me.

Kathi 12:19

Crazy but yes,

Daisy 12:21

Okay, and let's say you see me wash that lemon,

Kathi 12:24

I can see it

Daisy 12:25

and then you see me dry it off. And you see me taking out the cutting board and the sharpest knife I have in my kitchen. And then you see as I place this beautiful, really juicy lemon on the cutting board and you see me as I'm cutting through this lemon and you know, the mist of it, it already fills the room and you even see it as it's just almost like a fountain very, very tiny mist but you see it and then you cut this lemon in half or you see me cutting the lemon in half, and then you see me as I take one of these halves and I take it towards my mouth and I start sucking on it. Please check your saliva, do you have more saliva?

Kathi 13:02

Absolutely. And I could hear the knife cutting the lemon and hitting the board underneath, I could picture everything about that.

Daisy 13:10

 Okay, and where's the lemon?

Kathi 13:11

Where? In your mouth and your grimacing now because it's sour, but I'm laughing because I'm not eating it.

Daisy 13:20

Yep. But you see, the fun thing of it is, there is no lemon in my hands. But the lemon was in your head.

Kathi 13:26

Yes. Yes.

Daisy 13:28

So I wonder our listeners out there you can comment and you can really write a little bit of a feedback. Did your saliva increase or not? Most likely it did and you can try that. Please don't. But you could try it when there is a concert and you have lots of air. Like flutes, trumpets saxophone. They keep silent in an instant when you hold up a lemon and show them that it's visible to them because their saliva starts producing and then they can not continue to play. True, sorry, don't try it. Please don't try it. Because then otherwise next time I've received from a concert person or musician, it because of you the concert had to pause because of your lemon. (Laughter). What a headline that would be on New York Times.

Kathi 14:17

So let me get this right, you're saying to our listeners out there that with the example of the lemon, you're showing how we can connect to our memories in a physical way and change our mind body connection with that.

Daisy 14:35

Well, if I continue thinking how my brother died, it will probably make me sad and sadder and sadder and the more sad I am, the more my body creates the matching feelings and the more sad I become. So it's a downward spiral. If I'm thinking of something where I had a wonderful memory let's say my grandmother, she was making lots of cookies and cakes and the smell was always fantastic in the kitchen and I remember her standing there and even with open eyes, I can still picture it somehow that she's standing there and creating these wonderful, wonderful lunches, dinners and just snacks for us. And it was just beautiful. And that is something that is really warm and dear to me.

Daisy 15:12

When I think of that, then it brings a smile into my inner world, my body will respond in a warm way towards that in a gentle way, right? Because my body will create the matching feelings just as your body created saliva increasingly, when I imagine as if I were cutting a lemon, although I did not have a lemon and I spoke about that imaginary lemon and your saliva started to increase in your mouth. So that's your body mind connection. That's proof. So your body will respond. Most likely, if your cutest and most lovely memories, not about the lemon, probably then your saliva will not respond but your body will respond in different ways. Maybe you will calm down maybe your stomach just gets a little bit more relaxed. Maybe your shoulders drop. Maybe the wrinkles on your forehead just disappear.

Kathi 16:02

What wrinkles, I don't have any wrinkles.

Daisy 16:05

I wasn't talking about yours. (Laughter) You're so pretty you don't have wrinkles on your forehead.

Daisy 16:11

But if you want it or not if we like it or not, our body will always respond. So choose specific thoughts that makes you feel good. That's very easy to do. The most depressed person can find something within themselves, maybe they need to search a little bit for it. Maybe they have a memory where they felt loved, safe, content, happy, joyful.

Kathi 16:35

Yeah.

Daisy 16:36

And if they cannot access any of these memories, maybe they know somebody who felt loved, safe, content, happy, joyful. And then they can imagine how let's say their friend or maybe even their dog had so much fun in the dog park and then our body will respond to these pictures.

Kathi 16:59

So you're saying that if they don't find one inside themselves, then they can borrow one from their pet or their friend or a loved one. So explain that. How do you borrow somebody's happy memory and use it?

Daisy 17:14

 Well, I wonder do you remember that you ever watched, let's say a cute little video where a tiny animal a cute baby did something that was really sweet.

Kathi 17:24

Sure. Yeah.

Daisy 17:25

You have seen some of those?

Kathi 17:26

Mmm

Daisy 17:26

 Do you know anyone who was just so filled with joy because something really good happened in their life?

Kathi 17:33

Yes.

Daisy 17:33

Okay. Now what I'd like you to do, I'd like to just look on one side. So you take one of the memories, the one with the cute little animal first and just look at that. Do you have a picture of it?

Kathi 17:45

Yes.

Daisy 17:47

Or is it like a short movie in your head?

Kathi 17:49

Yeah.

Daisy 17:49

Okay. Is it in color and black and white?

Kathi 17:52

It's in color.

Daisy 17:53

Okay, just look at exactly the action that little cute animals doing and just notice....is a cute?

Kathi 18:02

Yeah.

Daisy 18:03

Okay, how does it make you feel as you look at this cute little animal?

Kathi 18:08

Ah, kind of like, sort of warm and fuzzy inside because it's a cute and cuddly.

Daisy 18:16

Okay, now, whose feelings are these that you feel right now?

Kathi 18:20

Mine

Daisy 18:21

Who created them?

Kathi 18:23

I did.

Daisy 18:24

Very good based on a cute little animal that you just remembered in your own imagination.

Kathi 18:31

Yeah.

Daisy 18:31

And everyone can do that. That's how you do it.

Kathi 18:34

So easy, Daisy.

Daisy 18:36

Yes. Or let's say you're trying to achieve something, and it's just not going right. It's just not going right. And you feel really omg almost like giving up and ah what am I going to do and how am I supposed to solve it? When you are under that amount of stress, you will most likely have more challenges to solve it because you don't really have access to the genius that's in your left frontal lobe. But we want to access it, so let's do this way. Imagine somebody who was really, really succeeding in something. Do you have a memory? Can you give me an example Kathi where somebody really succeeded with something? Someone you know?

Kathi 19:12

Yes. Okay. Someone I know landed a really big client that was a game changer for the business.

Daisy 19:19

Ah ha, okay.

Kathi 19:21

They were really exhausted about it.

Daisy 19:23

Okay. And what do you believe? How did they feel about that?

Kathi 19:27

I think they were excited. They were gratified, thankful and proud that they had done that.

Daisy 19:37

Excited, gratified, and they were content and it was kind of fulfilling right is exciting, and it's right. Wow.

Kathi 19:43

Yes.

Daisy 19:44

Okay. Now, when you think of their awesome achievement, they landed that field, big client. If it would happen to you, how would it feel to you?

Kathi 19:52

Exciting and gratifying? Yeah, like, I think I would feel the same things like Yeah.

Daisy 20:00

Okay, where would you feel that in your body now that you think of them

Kathi 20:04

 It's somewhere in my gut here? Somewhere inside?

Daisy 20:08

Okay. And is that a good feeling? Is it like feels good?

Kathi 20:12

Yeah, yeah, excitement is kind of like the butterfly feeling for me. Yeah.

Daisy 20:17

Okay, like the butterfly feeling for you. Now imagine you go with this butterfly feeling and take a new approach towards what you're trying to solve. What do you believe? Do you most likely achieve faster a result to your liking or slower?

Kathi 20:36

I think faster. I think you feel in a positive mindset things flow more easily for you.

Daisy 20:42

 I agree with you. Now, how do we create that positive mindset in an instant? Let's do that. What do you think?

Kathi 20:49

I think a memory like you just took a story.

Daisy 20:52

Exactly. Exactly. And if you don't have a memory and you're really someone out there, who doesn't even know anyone who has a great memory or who has a great experience, then create it, fantasize. Do you remember as a little kid as you played, sometimes that little stone, we pretended it was a dog and we made it bark, or we had that tiny little cute towel and we did as if it was a little animal or we wrapped it around our hands and then we tried to like a puppet. It looked like a puppet. So we had so much fantasy. Let's just awaken that again.

Kathi 21:31

 I love that.

Daisy 21:32

Be like that child.

Kathi 21:33

Yeah, I'd love that. Create.

Daisy 21:34

 Be courageous. If you don't have it create it. Most of the great, great, great inventions started out with an idea, with a fantasy. 200 years ago, no, let me do 300 years. 300 years ago, how many people would consider that maybe one day there will be a helicopter? I know, I know, Leonardo da Vinci had some sketches that make it somewhat obvious that someone had some thoughts about that prior. Then 50 years ago around the globe, people know what a helicopter is.

Daisy 22:10

Or like a racecar 200 years ago, people didn't even consider it's possible. But then someone had the idea. Hey, wow. I think it was maybe 140 years ago, they said, well you know, we have so many horses. We have so many horses and we have carriage. Imagine if we would take that power of the horses and put it in an engine and then have that engine, pull the carriage and today you sit in the car and you don't even think about that.

Daisy 22:42

Maybe 200 years ago, you could not possibly have a keyless go. So you have your key in the pocket. You get close to your car and you just touch the door handle and it opens because it knows hey, wow, let me open it.

Kathi 22:56

I know it's amazing.

Daisy 22:58

I'm not even going to Tesla where the car's driving by itself, right? (Laughter)`

Kathi 23:03

I have been in one of those cars where they drive themselves so, trippy, trippy, trippy, but yeah, it's the future. There's no doubt about that.

Daisy 23:12

Maybe our grandchildren will have that as their standard.

Kathi 23:16

Hmm.

Daisy 23:16

And then when you tell them hey, you know what, Granny knows how to drive a stick shift? They say, What? (Laughter)

Kathi 23:25

Absolutely. Absolutely. I love that that's a really great note to end on to create it yourself.

Daisy 23:32

Yes. Make it up. What if. Play the what if in a positive way, instead of asking oh, and what if the worst happens now and what if that is not going right and what if this is going to happen? And what if I'm... what if that, what if the... what if that. What if my husband gets... what if my mom has this? What if my child that... Turn it around!

Daisy 23:53

What if I'm living a content life? I have no idea how, but what if? How would it look like? How would it look like and...

Kathi 24:04

The how it doesn't matter?

Daisy 24:05

And then well, actually, I would do this I would be doing that I would have a smile on my face maybe skinnier, healthier, more calm, more relaxed, stress free. So these are things, What if and what if I can make it happen and out you are of your sadness, because one for the end, one very important fact, the mind cannot be positive and negative at the same time. Choose wisely.

Kathi 24:35

I love that. That's fantastic. And a great piece of advice to end on. Thank you, Daisy. So that's it for us today talking about deep sadness and we do hope that what we've talked about helps you in some way, please reach out to us if you need more support or help please leave us some feedback and share our podcasts with your family and friends because it is our mission to help you change your world and make your head a better place, so that you can live your best life.

Daisy 25:07

Thank you so much. And I am so glad that Kathi and I, we found each other. We're embracing the world, the Mindset Evolution.

Kathi 25:18

So guys, remember, you are how you behave.

Daisy 25:30

So choose wisely.

Kathi 25:31

This is Bald and Blonde

Daisy 25:33

Mindset Evolution. Bye.