SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

trust, relationship, ship, relation, listeners, laughter, build, vulnerability, people, person, agree, enter, behave, days, vulnerable, sinking, podcast, absolutely, mindset

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are, and here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:27

And Hello, everybody, and welcome to another amazing episode of bold and blonde mindset evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, your host from Down Under and with me, of course is Daisy Papp, your host from Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy 00:44

Hi, Kathi from down under, I'm just thinking about what would be the opposite of down under would it be up upper? (Laughter)

Kathi 00:53

Up over?

Daisy 00:54

Up over, okay, so I'm Daisy Papp from up over from the Florida Keys. (Laughter) Good to see you.

Kathi 01:02

You too. Daisy, you too. As always, we're really excited about recording another cool topic for you guys to think upon out there and help you with your mindset, because that's what we are all about, mindset evolution. And today, Daisy, I thought we'd talk about trust.

Daisy 01:25

Okay, good, fine. So you just threw another topic at me. I'm okay with that. And actually trust, let me think about, actually, I feel almost yes, it's my own turf. Okay, good. Okay, let's go (laughter).

Kathi 01:41

Personally, I think trust is essential to be able to allow yourself to be vulnerable. Because without that trust factor, we have fear come in. And it is much harder to be vulnerable, and to have vulnerability in my eyes is the foundation of close relationships, whether it be with a family member, or a friend, or a spouse. I feel like if trust is missing, then the whole thing can fall apart. What do you think?

Daisy 02:17

I wholeheartedly agree, except vulnerability. Because let's face it, we are vulnerable either way. If we show it, or if we don't, we are, therefore, we can try to hide it, shove it under the carpet, put it in the closet, we are still vulnerable. And putting on a mask is almost a straightforward lie, isn't it?

Kathi 02:45

Yes.

Daisy 02:46

Therefore, we cannot build trust. Oops.

Kathi 02:49

Yes. That's a great way of turning it around. I like that. Because you're right, we are vulnerable, either way. And I think it is trust that makes us feel safe, with our vulnerability.

Daisy 03:04

Yeah, well, so Okay, let me just dissect the two. I do believe that when we agree, you and I, and hopefully our followers and listeners out there as well, that we are vulnerable either we show it or we don't. We are. How we handle it is a different thing and how we display it is another. When it comes to trust, I learned from one of my great teachers at Gibson in Ohio, without trust, you have nothing. And about a decade ago when he threw that at me at first, I wasn't even able to swallow that one. So which mean without trust, you have nothing. Everything else is absent so nothing else matters. And it took me a while not only to ponder on it, but to experience and come to the conclusion that he was so straight to the point and so right. Without trust, what do you have?

Kathi 04:06

Fear

Daisy 04:07

Beyond that I truly today, and what I teach my clients and what I live by, without trust, you have nothing, nothing valuable at least, you may have a masquerade out there. Oh, by the way, I was saying that not once but a few times saying that song The Masquerade. Whoa, what a great George Benson. Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo.

Kathi 04:27

I don't know that one, to be honest.

Daisy 04:29

I'll send it to you right over.

Kathi 04:31

So without trust, we have nothing. Just what? An emptiness, the lack of anything meaningful?

Daisy 04:40

I do believe that is more to the point. The lack of anything else.

Kathi 04:46

Yeah, yeah, I can see that. I know that personally for me, to feel safe in showing my vulnerability, there needs to be a trust that I won't be hurt. A trust that I'll be accepted, regardless of what it is that happens. So that's where it comes in for me and why I wanted to talk about it, because I think that in the world that we're living in, there are a lot of dysfunctional relationships out there. And I think a lot of it would stem back to a lack of trust.

Daisy 05:28

Yes, because the relationship, that ship in which they relate, that's what I think of relationships

Kathi 05:35

I love your wordplay (laughter).

Daisy 05:37

Thank you. I appreciate. So that ship is predestined to sink. When we don't look, who are we getting in to that boat together? Tell me one more time. Who is that? So do I know anything about that person? What is it that I know about that person? But how much easier it is to embark on a boat or ship, a relation ship, when there's trust?

Kathi 06:08

 Yes.

Daisy 06:08

And nowadays, and over the past decades, it became more and more fashionable to enter these ships without having any relation. And therefore the sinking numbers are a little bit higher than if we would do the other way around to first build a relation and then embark the ship, just as a picture.

Kathi 06:33

Yes.

Daisy 06:34

By the way, guys, listeners. I see her and she's taking notes. I don't know what she's writing (laughter).

Kathi 06:43

Let's use me and you as an example Daisy, because we've actually never met in person, which would probably shock a lot of people out there to hear, because we do get on so well. We have a synchronicity with each other that is quite powerful and I think an ease with each other. But that has come because we have built trust between us over our relationship. And if you guys out there are listening to this, and it will be late February. And that is about a year since I actually found Daisy randomly online in a Facebook group. Thank you, Facebook.

Daisy 07:26

No advertisement without sponsorship, (laughter).

Kathi 07:33

Did you hear that Zuckerberg? We haven't actually met in person and when we tell people that, it actually astounds them, they cannot believe that we have such a fantastic rapport and relationship and we haven't actually ever met in the flesh. It is absolutely possible to build trust, without being together in person. It is about I think, what you offer to the relationship and allowing yourself to show that vulnerability, which we have done with each other from the very beginning. We've always been open, we've been honest, we've been forthright, we've been considerate of each other's feelings, and all those elements, I think, have added up to build trust between us. Would you agree with that?

Daisy 08:30

100%. Of course, otherwise, I would be not sitting here with you, but I would be maybe sitting by myself enjoying my own company, because I trust my company. So let me go back to how you and I met. And let's really play on the word relationship. So you and I, we had a common interest, that was podcasting, and helping millions of people for free. That is our common denominator.

Kathi 08:59

Yep.

Daisy 08:59

And you and I were able to relate. That's the relation, mmh?

Kathi 09:04

Yeah.

Daisy 09:05

And then we decided freely, would you like to enter this ship? And you said yes and I said yes. And then something very exciting happens because then, once you embark that ship, because first you relate, and then you embark the ship, then something very exciting happens. I call it the 90-day rule. I know some people blamed me, but why is it so long? I wrote about it in one of my books the formula for finding true love. Psychologically, that's what they say to psychologists and the seriously involved people in the trade because I'm not a psychologist. I'm not a psychotherapist. But those relate to the relationship again. Hmm? They relate. So they are in the ship together. Oh, we're in this together. Rings the bell, isn't it interesting? So they say that it is possible for a human being to wear a mask and pretend to be someone who they're not for 90 days. So when you and I met in January, our 90 days started ticking, tick, tick, tick. And over this period of 90 days, we were observing one another. You said A and I wondered if when she says A does she mean A and every time Kathi said A, she meant A and that was quite attractive to me. And every time I said, B, I meant B. And I believe it was attractive to you that I said what I meant, and I meant what I said. So let's go about the trust. I agree with you trust is not given, trust is earned. And you and I over our first 90 day period, we earned one another's trust.

Daisy 10:54

And I'd like to read a few words out of my book, because I'm defining trust in one of my books, The Formula for Finding True Love. Trust is a noun. It's a firm belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of someone or something in "relations have to be built on trust" and synonyms, confidence, belief, faith, certainty, assurance, conviction, credence, reliance, "good relationships are built on trust", and as a verb, belief in the reliability, truth, ability, or strength of.

Daisy 11:41

Now, whoever questions, how is it possible that Kathi and I, we hit it off, actually, truly, literally, as of day one, we were able to relate to something that was a common ground, we were in agreement and we both agreed to enter that ship, relation ship. And then ever since we're floating, between the oceans, Pacific and the Atlantic and all these kinds of waters, because that trust is invaluable. And you said it so well, when you pointed out several behaviors that we expressed towards one another. And again, it goes back to the Five + Two, the Formula for Finding True Love. Love is behavior. And when two people behave in a loving way platonically and romantically alike, and they consistently behave that way and are persistent in the display of these behaviors, that is when you can build trust. And when now two people who are trustworthy, meaning being worthy of trust. Where does it start? If I do not trust myself, how will I ever be able to trust anyone else

out there?

Daisy 13:01

Think about it. If I would lie to you, I make it up. And I'm lying to you straight in your face without a blink of an eye. And you're the most trustworthy person on the planet, I will not be able to trust you. Why? Because when I see you behaving the way you behave, I will question myself, is she doing what I would be capable of doing? Therefore, the true value of trust starts within!

Kathi 13:31

Absolutely, absolutely. And I urge you listeners out there, if you have not yet listened to Episode One, Who Are You, go and listen to it next? Because it does talk about this very thing, that we are how we behave. And I think that it is fundamental to understanding yourself and being able to trust yourself.

Daisy 13:55

Yes. So I had a session today with a client and I mentioned to them, yes, some people come to me and that they just got out of that boot camp, paid several $10,000 for a week long boot camp, even with wearing masks and so forth, and they come home and then they say Yeah, well, I know what I need to do. They told me I need to trust myself more. I said, That's wonderful. And did they also share with you how to do that? No. So, well, let me expand on this one.

Kathi 14:30

I was just about to ask you to do that, Daisy! (Laughter) Let's explain that to our listeners so that they can understand how it all begins.

Daisy 14:41

In short, because in this platform, we are limited to a specific timeframe, behavior is all that matters, how you behave is who you are. When you start behaving consistently in loving ways, consistently with persistence, then you will be able to trust yourself. Once you then trust yourself, you will be able to see who else is trustworthy and who's not. Because you need to be one to meet one, one of my teachers said, I didn't understand it decades ago, when he told me Daisy, you need to be one to meet one. What was he talking about? But now it's so easy, because you found me and I saw in you. And we built that trust and over a year, this is one of the most trustworthy relations I ever had with a person I've never met in person. Figure that out! I have to say, though, that I would not engage in any relation. I'm not even talking about the ship yet. So (laughter) seriously, not in case into any relation without having trust? I'm not. I did in the past. Did it hurt? Yes. Did I pay my dues? I would say overly, yes. And so did many of our listeners,

Kathi 16:03

I'm sure almost everybody has faced that situation.

Daisy 16:08

So now, before you enter any relation, and before you enter any suit, so let's build trust first. And then when you can trust the person, imagine what fun it will be to enter a relationship and then go and have that adventure, be in that ship and be in that relationship, that can be a platonic relationship, that can be a friendship that can be in the community, that can be business relationship, that can be an intimate relationship. And imagine the value that you then have, because without trust, you have nothing. You have a big fat illusion. And you know what, at the end of the day, when you're losing that illusion, you didn't even lose a thing. Why? Because in the first place, you did have nothing.

Kathi 16:51

Yes. And I think that hits home and makes very clear how important that 90 days is.

Daisy 16:58

Yes, I agree. Absolutely. One of my younger clients, she's a very beautiful, really beautiful, stunningly beautiful young lady. And so she was approached by a wonderful, handsome young man, who is eight years older than she, and he's very interested in her based on the values she's presenting and representing, the way she carries herself the way she behaves. I do believe he's much more serious about relationship than she is, at this time, by my observation, not a judgement, just an observation. And she said, yeah, but Daisy, so how long should I wait before I get really close to the guy? And I said, before the 90 days, I personally would not enter that relation, and would not even think about any ships. And she was giggling and she said, but that's old fashioned. That's prude. And I said, you know, what, if he's really interested for you being you, and he's interested in you, for who you are, what's the rush? Where are you racing to? You're not a horse, you're not a dog, there's no horse race, there's no dog race. So hey, slow down. Don't you want to know who it is you will enter that ship with, we could even think about that ship as a metaphor for bed maybe, the sheets, the linens, pillows.

Kathi 18:30

Yeah, and I'm going to say that in today's world, where everything is faster, everything is instant, generalizing here. Everything is instant gratification, everything we want it now, we don't want to wait, the value of waiting, the value of building trust and building a relationship and nurturing that safety between you, I think tells a story about whether you want to be walking into the future with that person, or whether it's just something that is meaningless, and perhaps physical gratification in the moment. And I'm not judging that's a bad thing because I've certainly been there and done that myself. I will say straight here we have physical needs sometimes and sometimes we don't have somebody in our lives who we can perhaps build this trust with and build a future with. But I also know from my own experience, that without, it's empty, and often it will leave you feeling worse when you jumped into it. So from personal experience, I can say that I've now chosen to build trust so that I can have a future with a special person in my life rather than jumping to things and do them backwards.

Daisy 20:02

Without judgment,

Kathi 20:04

yes.

Daisy 20:04

I do agree that we do have physical needs and we have sexual needs. Nevertheless, I am not going to be the animal and living by my animalistic needs to fulfill the needs for my spirit for my mind intellectually, emotionally, because that's a very short term. It's like junk food, runs right through you, not really nourishing,

Kathi 20:32

I think you've hit the nail on the head there, because we are all these pieces. We have animal instincts, we have spiritual needs, we have emotional wants. And all those things make us up as a whole person. When we just pull out one and focus on that in the moment, it often leaves the others bereft. And that's why I personally have experience when I've done that I've felt worse because it was empty, because it was meaningless, because there was no real trust, there was no love or any connection. It was just something that in the moment felt good, but then was not fulfilling in any way.

Daisy 21:20

Okay, so now let's circle back for a moment when you and I agree and hopefully our listeners out there, too, says we're human beings, we have physical needs, we have emotional needs, we have sexual needs, we have intellectual needs, we have spiritual needs. And if we fulfill only one, and in this case, when we go back to the ship and the relation and jumping in and then sinking and the bed, end of the story, then we're only focusing on the sexual part. Who is abandoning whom? Aren't we abandoning the majority of ourselves?

Kathi 21:59

Yes.

Daisy 22:00

So when we do that, how can we then trust ourselves? Wait a minute, can we at all, I'm a very central person, and I have nothing against sexuality. But I do really like to share that boat, when I have a relation. And before I enter a relation, I build trust. Why? Because I trust me that I only enter a relation when it has these qualities that are fulfilling all my needs, the physical needs, the emotional needs, the spiritual needs, intellectual needs, and the physical and the sexual needs. And then I may if I still feel like it, enter in that boat, and then it's a relationship. Personally, I have to admit though, that I'm not interested in the bed hopping bunny kind of thing. So Hop, hop, hip, hip hop, so nothing against that musical style. If somebody would listen to that. No, no, I mean, like that. Let's face it, Kathi, you're very attractive. And the two of us if we go out, we probably could have an affair every five minutes. Let's face it. are we interested in it? No. Why are we not interested in it? Because we trust ourselves to only enter relations and then that relationship that will not think around the corner, after two days or bad mood or bad movie or a bad phone call or bad email or whatever it is bad hair look, huh? Why? Because we trust our own value and therefore we would not enter any of these floatable, I don't even know how to say that, (laugh) floatable?

Kathi 23:51

I would agree I was going to say it is because I value myself. I think that's a really big point here, a golden nugget because it is something that I didn't know how to do when I was younger, which stemmed from years of really low self-esteem. And so I think that is a real key here and listeners, I urge you go and get Daisy's book Five + Two, The Formula for Finding True Love. It is on our website, baldandblonde.live. This book will change your understanding of love, whether it's platonic, whether it's a relationship, whether it's your family member, it applies across the board. It has fundamentally changed your understanding of how to have a healthy, valuable, trusting relationship. So I do urge you guys to jump over there and grab it. You download it on the spot, you will read it within a day. It is truly life changing and I know that it was for me and it has been for many readers out who already have had Daisy's book. So guys, I think that we have covered the crux of it. And I think that we've given you guys a lot to think about in your own lives. Are you in a ship that is sinking? Or are you in a ship that is powered by trust?

Daisy 25:19

Mm hmm, there you go. Exactly powered by trust. Imagine that. When people walk down the aisle, the people sitting there in the audience, the guests celebrating and clapping their hands. And saying, powered by trust. How far can you go when you have trust? Or how far can you not go without it? It's up to you.

Kathi 25:45

Yes, it is up to you, listeners. I hope you enjoyed this episode; we certainly have enjoyed talking about it. As always, don't forget to share our podcasts with your family and friends. Because this mindset evolution is for everybody. And just little changes can transform the way you think about the world, the way you think about yourself, and can make a completely giant difference in the way you live your life. And don't forget, go to episode one, if you haven't yet heard it, and listen to that, it is foundational. So thank you, Daisy,

Daisy 26:27

Thank you. Like always, it's so much fun to have these episodes with you. And it's even more fun because I trust you. And I know that you trust me.

Kathi 26:38

Absolutely.

Daisy 26:39

And the quality of that is just invaluable.

Kathi 26:43

Absolutely.

Daisy 26:44

You cannot measure it, there is no price tag for it, you cannot buy it, you can build it, and then enjoy it. And then you can go places mentally, emotionally, spiritually, it's up to you. And please come over and follow us on Instagram, at baldandblonde.live, and we are going to share a few little cute moments that Kathi and I are having here over the globe because there are millions of seconds between us and the time zone. Maybe I exaggerated let me rethink that. But for sure there are 1000s of kilometers and 1000s of miles between us. Nevertheless, our trust keeps us so close to one another. And that's priceless. I appreciate it.

Kathi 27:29

I do too. And it's certainly something that I wish for everybody. But it is also possible for all of you out there.

Daisy 27:37

Oh, and one more thing. You can save so much time when you establish trust. You can save so much time. You don't have to ponder. Did they say the truth? What are they up to? What are they not up to? What am I up to? Do I mean it? And you can save so much time and imagine all the good stuff that you can do while you have so much time at your hand when you achieve trust. So go out and build it. It's possible. It's very possible.

Kathi 28:05

Absolutely. And I don't think it's just time that you save. I think you save yourself a lot of anxiety, a lot of fear, a lot of uncertainty,

Daisy 28:14

and salt water,

Kathi 28:15

so take the time in the beginning, in the first 90 days to build it and nurture it and create it and then your life will be richer and more meaningful. And we wish that for all of you out there.

Daisy 28:29

Absolutely. Yes. Thank you so much for listening and

Kathi 28:33

we are Bald and Blonde

Daisy 28:34

Mindset Evolution. Talk to you soon.

Kathi 28:37

See you next episode.

Daisy 28:38

Bye.

Daisy 28:40

Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes. You'll find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get more value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcasts or Podchaser that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Talk to you soon.