SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are, and here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

And Hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, your host from Australia and with me as always is Daisy Papp, your host from Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy 00:43

Hi, Kathi from Down Under. I'm from over here, the other end of the world. So good to see you.

Kathi 00:49

So good to see you too. Daisy. I'm excited about today's episode, because this was a big learning curve for me when we first talked about it. And when we went into depth in our Facebook group Dream Life Creators about it, we had some people have some real breakthroughs. So today we are going to talk about expectations.

Daisy 01:12

Oh, the Xs, the Xs. The expectations, wonderful. Let's do it. Good. Good topic choice.

Daisy 01:23

I do love to spring these topics on Daisy as I press record. So guys out there know that none of this is scripted. None of it is pre-planned or prepared. I throw a topic at Daisy and we just start talking about it. And for me learning to not have expectations of people was a really huge step, I think, in my personal evolvement.

Daisy 01:48

Mmm

Kathi 01:48

And it changed the way I looked at a lot of things. And it can be tough to not have expectations. So I thought that we should talk about it and help our listeners out there understand what they are and why they should not have them, and what to do when they catch themselves having them.

Daisy 02:08

Mm hmm. expectations, expectations are a highway to disappointment

Kathi 02:16

I like that.

Daisy 02:18

And even Shakespeare said something along these lines. Having expectations is something we were not born with. We learned them. How, why? Because when we were born, we were so cute and we were satisfied with ourselves. We were sucking on our little toes and our little fingers and on our fist and it was all good. And if we didn't like something, then if we were bored or not clean enough for hungry, then we verbalize that rather loudly. And we then still didn't expect the food to arrive. But it all changed when our surroundings and the people raising us started having expectations towards us. Oh, he's already two years old. He's still not clean, still using diapers? Oh that's really bad. So it goes hand in hand with judgment, mmh?

Kathi 03:18

Yes.

Daisy 03:19

So the expectation is something that we learned. And one would expect that maybe the flight to Atlanta should be on time because I'm expecting this airline. That's why I'm choosing them. That's why I'm paying the extra rates to fly with them. It should be on time, but then it's not. So now let me do a play on words. I like those, in all kinds of languages, because I think they're so much fun. So the expectation, so that means we're appointing something to happen in a future moment, or at a specific time in time and then we get disappointed if it doesn't happen the way we just imagined or planned or hoped for or wished for. And then we get dis-appointment. Now dis-appointment, it's like a dis-engagement. So I am engaging and then I'm disengaging. So who is creating the disappointment? I created it; I had the expectation that my flight would be on time. And then I am disappointing myself because I had my expectation. And then I'm mad at the world, at the airline, at the lady at the counter, at the flight attendant and at the plane itself. And the aircraft manufacturer maybe as well and the list goes on and then I'm just so upset because I'm so disappointed because my expectation wasn't fulfilled.

Kathi 04:49

That's a whole lot of negative outcomes there isn't there?

Daisy 04:53

I'd say. And I know people they would milk a situation like that for the rest of their lives.

Kathi 04:59

Yeah.

Daisy 05:00

So how can we change it?

Kathi 05:02

Yes, great question, stop taking the words out of my mind (laughter).

Daisy 05:08

That is just what I'm going to get to, don't mind read, don't guess, don't assume, don't expect, and don't project, either. That is how I can handle the disappointments in my life, because I'm not going to expect anything. I'm changing the roles. I'm reversing it by I am the one who is observing. For example, let's say dear listeners out there, I had an expectation that Kathi is calling me every single evening at 8pm my time zone to say hello. And maybe I didn't even inform her about it. Because how often does it happen that you expect something without the other parties informing what you would like?

Kathi 05:56

Right? Yes. So I would call that an assumption. And I think that's a very common behavior where we want something to happen and we assume that the other person realizes that and so we create this expectation and then we're disappointed when it doesn't happen, and the other person knew nothing about it in the beginning. (Laughter)

Daisy 06:17

That's right, I agree with you. So the first step is that I can stand for my own wishes and verbalize those, hey, Kathi, it would be so great if I hear your voice and even if it's just a short voice message every 8pm my time, because that would give me so much joy, and my heart would be just a notch higher. Then I'm inviting you to participate in my joy and I respect your decision if you don't want to participate. So what I'm doing, I inform you, and then I leave you the freedom to make your own decision, your autonomy and then I'm just sitting back and observe what happens next.

Kathi 07:06

Yeah, so in here, I want to add, there's an old cliche that I really live and let live. And I think that applies here. Because I think one of the keys to letting go of expectations, is having the mental flexibility to allow things to play out how they're going to play out or allow people to be themselves without putting these expectations on them or on ourselves. But I also think that there is a point where two people can agree to have an expectation of each other.

Daisy 07:42

That is a different story, but then it's an agreement and not an expectation anymore.

Kathi 07:48

And the key there is that they both know about it, they both freely consented to it.

Daisy 07:55

There you go.

Kathi 07:56

They're both want to do it.

Daisy 07:57

Yes.

Kathi 07:58

And so it no longer becomes an expectation it changes into something else. So an expectation, then by that definition is one sided.

Daisy 08:09

It can be a group of people who can be expecting something. So it's not an individual thing, but it is one side of the story, yes.

Kathi 08:17

 Right, yes.

Daisy 08:18

Now, here comes a trap. Because I feel that it would be so joyful for me to receive a voice message or phone call from you, Kathi, I'm just making this up, dear listeners, so don't think that I have any thing that I need to receive a voice message from Kathi every night at 8pm. It would be nice; it wouldn't bother me. But I'm not talking, I'm not talking through the flower language here. But if now, I believe because that is something that I would so joyfully do for Kathi, and then I believe, or assume as you'd say, that oh, because it would bring me so much joy, so now I'm going to do it to her. And then I turn into a nuisance, and I'm overloading your expectations towards me. You see how things can get off?

Kathi 09:12

Yes, definitely. Because I've actually had that happen to me.

Daisy 09:16

Oh?

Kathi 09:16

Years ago, I had a friend who I was quite close to. And she would ring me every single day and it was just too much because I was at this point then where I needed some space from her. It was overwhelming.

Daisy 09:33

Mm hmm.

Kathi 09:34

And if I had been a little more enlightened and perhaps understood that from her point of view, she was gaining such joy from talking to me, maybe I would have thought about it differently.

Daisy 09:45

Yes,

Kathi 09:45

but the fact remains that it made me feel overwhelmed, almost stalked, and it actually soured the whole relationship because I didn't really know how to say that at the time.

Daisy 10:01

And then thoughts like, "Oh, I didn't expect that from you" show up, huh?

Kathi 10:07

Yeah.

Daisy 10:07

So as you say, it makes things sour. So how can we just get around that, so that they cannot even establish and be nourished. Open communication I do believe is important. Say what you mean, mean what you say, and there's nothing wrong about to speak up for yourself and your needs. That's one thing. Second of all, do not project on others that they would do what you would do, if you were them, because you're not them.

Kathi 10:39

I think that's a really important point there, Daisy, because I think that's very common that whatever we think ourselves, however we behave ourselves, a lot of the time we have this expectation that others will think that way, others will behave that way, because we do. I have noticed over my life, that that is a very incorrect assumption to make.

Daisy 11:06

I agree. And it can go both ways. Because for example, the cheater, male or female, and you're the most trustworthy partner, and then they project on you.

Kathi 11:17

Yes, that also happened to me.

Daisy 11:20

OK, I'm glad that it's in the past.

Kathi 11:22

Yes, it was a very long time ago, but this is where I learned that I was observing this person's behavior towards me and thinking well I know I'm not doing that. So does that mean he's doing that, and then he's assuming that I would, too.

Daisy 11:38

There you go. So therefore, just start to take an inventory. Okay, so this is my behavior; these are my patterns, these are my standards, these are my social norms. This is where I come from; that is where I'm heading to, and then allow others the courtesy to do the same. And then speak about it. I can speak up for my needs, and if there's something that you do, that is weird, to me, or I can not understand it easily, hey, guys out there, you have a mouth, ask questions. Ask hey, by the way, Kathi, when you write notes, while we're doing a podcast, instead of looking right at me, I feel ignored. What does it mean to you? And now we can talk?

Kathi 12:29

Yes

Daisy 12:29

Because we're opening a brand-new universe of being, because that's when real exchange can start happening?

Kathi 12:39

Yes. And I think that this builds on last week's topic of trust.

Daisy 12:43

I do believe the less expectations we have, the easier it becomes to build trust.

Kathi 12:48

Yes.

Daisy 12:49

And the more I understand that I'm doing what I do while I do what I'm doing, although I'm not even aware of what I'm doing while I'm doing it. Everyone else out there..(laughter)

Daisy 13:00

Did I confuse you?

Kathi 13:02

That was a mouthful, Daisy. (Laughter)

Daisy 13:06

Everyone out there is just functioning the same because other people do what they do, while they're doing it, not even knowing that they do what they're doing, while they're doing it. (More laughter) It's true!

Kathi 13:20

Okay, a big mouthful. What I'm taking from that is that often people's actions are misconstrued because of a lack of understanding. And so somebody may act a certain way, because of their own thoughts and beliefs and conditioning and because we have different thoughts and beliefs and conditioning, we then interpret it from our own eyes, when in fact, it may not have been meant that way. So now you have a miscommunication because of assumptions and expectations, that if we actually communicated about it, wouldn't have been

there.

Daisy 14:04

Exactly.

Kathi 14:05

So asking questions, being open, being honest, allowing yourself to show your vulnerability,

Daisy 14:12

mm-hmm, that because you're vulnerable, either way,

Kathi 14:15

yes,

Daisy 14:15

you show it or you hide it.

Kathi 14:17

There are key ways here of removing the need to have expectations, allowing yourself to be flexible about what occurs. And you're actually going to avoid a whole heap of negative repercussions in your mind if you can learn to do this. And so when our expectations are met, and they do happen, like we think they're going to, sure we have positive emotions around that. But I think actually that one of the greatest issues in our world today is the negativity and the negative repercussions that are bouncing around the world. because of a lack of understanding of each other, and this is why our podcast is called mindset evolution, because we want to help people understand this and help people change the way they think, so that they're not inundated with this negativity. Because if you look at things slightly different, it no longer needs to be that way.

Daisy 15:23

I so agree with you, therefore, talk to one another. Don't guess, don't mind read, don't assume, don't project, ask questions instead. Because, oh, I guess Kathi is going to fly over here in February to surprise me, because it's just the end of the winter season and it will be so nice here in the Keys. Now, I'm guessing. And then I invest hope in it. And then I'm emotionally invested. And then I'm creating pictures and short movies in my head, oh, it will be so great. Maybe we go snorkeling. Or maybe we do this? Or maybe we go there. Maybe we go for a happy hour? Or maybe I'm going to cook for her. But it's all based on what? On an expectation!

Kathi 16:07

Yeah

Daisy 16:07

Now, let's leave them behind. Let's get real. Speak up for your needs. When I speak about my needs, that doesn't make me needy; very big, big, big difference!

Kathi 16:22

And key, I think that it can be difficult to feel like you can speak up in certain situations, perhaps because of a lack of self-confidence, perhaps because there's a lack of trust, perhaps because you feel like it does make you needy because of your past conditioning. But in reality, we all have the right to be entitled to our own needs and wants and desires to fulfill ourselves. And so why shouldn't we speak up for them?

Daisy 16:59

But then, now this is very important, when I speak up for my needs, I want to be as respectful as possible and I want to be inspiring, and invite you, would you like to participate? And then I leave it up to you to decide and choose freely if you would like to participate or if you say uh-uh, that's not for me. And then I'm going to be respectful, accepting just that, without taking it personally, just as okay, she's not in the mood to come here in February. No matter what the reason. If I want to know the reason I can ask Kathi, so is there a specific reason you don't want to come in February? Then let's speak open about it. Dear listeners out there, this was just a made-up story. There is nothing like that in our conversations happening in the back end yet, that Kathi is coming to the US and visiting me in the Florida Keys. But if it was that case and even if I were conditioned, because where does it come from? The fear of coming across needy. You don't need that, or you always need something. You're so needy. We learned that from the outside world. It was never ever possibly a thought that we came to that conclusion. Because our wants and wishes, we have the right to have our wishes, we have the right to have our wants, we do not have the right to force anyone into participating into our wishes, in our wishes or wants. But we have the right to inspire them and invite them. The entire dynamic changes and shifts. And let me go back to the very beginning, disappointment and expectation go hand in hand because expectations are the highway to disappointment and who is the one who can disappoint myself? It can only be me, because I appointed something to happen at a specific point in time, in specific ways, shapes or forms and when that picture, future pace, or that image or that wish is not happening exactly the way how I imagined it, then now I feel so disappointed. All my dreams crashed. All my expectations were nullified, nulled, so it is ourselves who can set ourselves up for disappointment by having expectations without speaking up clearly what I would like.

Kathi 19:43

Yes, yes. Now I want to talk about having expectations of ourselves.

Daisy 19:49

Oh, that's a big trap as well. The question is, am I striving for excellence or am I having expectations of myself?

Kathi 19:59

Yeah, so explain the difference for our listeners, Daisy.

Daisy 20:05

For example, someone would say I make a million dollars this business year. I am expecting to be able to do that. And then comes the end of the business year nearer, closer, nearer, closer, and they're far off. Will there be a disappointment?

Kathi 20:22

Yes.

Daisy 20:23

On the other hand, when they strive for excellence instead, doing the best they can to get the best results possible. will then there at the end of the business year be a disappointment because they didn't meet their own expectations? Or will they be gratified? Will they be thankful for what they achieved because they did the best they could achieving the best results they could?

Kathi 20:51

Yes. okay. I think that is really key here. And I can see the difference in the way you said those two things, that they start with a different mindset. In one picture, he's starting with an expectation that it could be done, that his business should do that, that it will happen in a year. But in the other picture, he's creating goals, and he's ensuring that he takes action towards those goals. And so he knows that even if he doesn't meet that end goal, he's still done everything he can to work towards it. And so the mindset of the outcome will be very different. In one mindset, we've got a disappointment that what we expected didn't happen. But in the other mindset, we've got satisfaction that we did what we could do, and we tried our best. And perhaps there's some corrections to make, perhaps there's some lessons to be learned in the path, but it's a positive outcome for the mind, which then I think carries forward into the next year. So I can see one of them spiraling downward into negativity, and the other one spiraling upward into positivity. And to me, that's the world of difference and it's absolutely what we're trying to share with people when we talk about mindset evolution, we want people to spiral upwards.

Daisy 22:26

Absolutely. Absolutely. We want to inspire them, yes. And then it's their responsibility, their ability to respond, to what they're learning, or what they're hearing here in these episodes. And they either get inspired or not. I do not have an expectation what our podcasts will achieve. I'm striving for excellence, to achieve the best results possible. And every single feedback we receive from around the world, in unexpected ways, is so beautiful. It is enriching. It's heartwarming.

Kathi 23:11

Yes.

Daisy 23:12

So when I expect of myself that I need to be able to win this race. I've been there. If you're curious about what race, it was horse trotting race in the sulky for those who know what that is. Because I was fascinated by horses and was trained and so forth. And of course, I wanted to win. That was the name of the game. That's why we entered the race with the horse and other jockeys as well and other horses. But did I do the best I could in that race? Oh, absolutely. yes. Did the horse do the best it could? Absolutely, yes. How am I going to build my future when I'm filled with expectations? I'm expecting you to become a doctor son. I know parents I'm working with they have huge expectations towards their children. And the children don't know how to escape other than doing several stupid things. I don't want to expand on that.

Kathi 24:23

So to bring it back to our podcast, I think it's great you bring that up because something I've learned from you, Daisy is to not have expectations. And so instead of expecting that we are going to help people, I just have a belief that if they come, if they listen, if they take it on board, if they choose, they could be helped. And that's enough for me to know that I am putting my energy out there and my inspiration, to say this is what we've learned, this is how I've evolved, this is how I've changed, this has made a big difference in my little world, so it could for you, too, if you choose it.

Daisy 25:06

Mm hmm. And let's do the math. When you are passionate about what you're doing, you will be doing it better and better. It will be a joyful experience. While you do what you're doing, and you're getting better, and you put it out there with passion, with a purpose, it is inevitable that people will find it, those who are open to it. We cannot expect anyone to be open minded. But what we do, we prepare these podcasts, we record them and then there's a huge process of post recording processing that's going on with our sound engineer in Tunisia, Fadi, yay Fadi, hello, hello.

Kathi 25:55

Yay Fadi, hi Fadi. He's gonna love that,

Daisy 25:59

Yes, he will, he will. And there's so much work in it but we're all on the same page, we're all putting in the best we can. And it's inevitable that it will resonate with other people who will appreciate that effort. So the expectation is irrelevant. We do the best we can, and we do it with joy. And we produce it one week after another, one week after another, one week after another and growing the audience, because those who hear that in our episodes, and what we bring to the table, maybe not to the table maybe to the airports or headphones or the sound speaker, sound system or the car sound system, they notice, they will come, it's inevitable. Kathi and I we did not put a number out there, at what month, or what week of the year we will have to have achieved this number of listeners. And every time we receive that spreadsheet, oh, now you reach two more countries, or you reached to more people from Iceland, or you have five more listeners in Australia. You have 25 more listeners in India, you have 67 more listeners in the US one day, huh? Then it's a gift. I go back to the very beginning how Kathi and I met. When I met you, dear Kathi, and I had in mind to do a podcast for years and so did you. But had I had the expectation it must be a man from Peru, who is that size with that name, and with a background of ABC GF (just to make it up), and then you come along my path and my journey and we meet, I could have not appreciated you and the common values that we share and they are so dear to us. So I was open, I wanted to do something, I wanted to experience a specific quality in my life. And then I just relaxed and allowed it to happen while, now this is very important, I was doing my best and taking every day a step closer to that goal. Does that make sense?

Kathi 28:20

It does. I personally have a belief system around the universe providing what you need. And so in my eyes, I told the universe that I wanted a podcast partner, and that they were going to be fabulous and we were going to hit it off and it was going to work really well and then I left the rest of it open. I had no assumptions, no expectations, no list. Nothing. I just stuck it out there. And bang. Here comes Daisy.

Daisy 28:54

Oh, here I am, (laughter), thank you. It is such a dear story, very dear to my heart. In the meantime, though, after you put it out there based on your belief system, you were doing your best, you gain more information, you educate yourself about technology around it, about how to set it up, what it is that really is the ingredient, the main ingredient or the main ingredients of great podcasts. And that is very important. So doing our best in the meantime, instead of sitting there. I'm expecting this from you.

Kathi 29:32

Oh, yes, you know, there's no, it's gonna land in your lap without any effort, I don't think and I've spent years learning the technology behind online stuff, and years perfecting my own message, because that's not an easy thing to do either. And a long time building my own self-belief and my own confidence and healing my own past, which has exponentially grown since I've met you as well. So I think all of these things inter- play, but what I had most of all was a belief or a faith that it would come about as I needed.

Daisy 30:20

Mm-hmm

Kathi 30:20

If I put out there that I wanted it and I did put out there, I have been open to finding a partner, I'd say a partner in crime, but it's not really crime, a partner in passion to change how people think about mindset, because I know how valuable it has been for me. And so my motivation is just spreading that value, because if it changed my life, it can change yours, too. That's it for me, like

Daisy 30:48

I agree,

Kathi 30:48

I was the most stuck, victim minded person you would ever meet for 30 years. And alongside that came a lot of negativity, a huge negative self-view. And if I can transform myself into accepting what I have in my life and turning it around and making it my biggest strengths, then I feel like I can inspire others to do that, too. And that belief has manifested into Bald and Blonde,

Daisy 31:20

but you didn't expect it to happen.

Kathi 31:22

No, I didn't.

Daisy 31:23

You did your part. You worked on it. You participated. You did your every day, not duty, but your every day,

steppingstone steps, hmm?

Kathi 31:36

I'm a big believer in baby steps, yes.

Daisy 31:39

Getting closer and closer to that. And now listeners out there, if you were raised around expectations, then dare to ask questions. Where did they come from? Like within yourself? Start investigating in a cute way, Well, I wonder, since when do I expect myself to do this A, B, C, or whatever? Ask yourself, and then have a look at it and look if it's still supporting you or not? And then how can you replace it with baby steps, or little sprints, or long marathons? But she's making fun of me because, of course living in the Florida Keys and we have a city of Marathon and that's why she's making fun of me. No, she's not. (Laughter)

Kathi 32:30

You just cracked me up Daisy that's all, you're just delightful, carry on.

Daisy 32:36

And we start then taking steps towards the goal with everything we do, think, speak and act and the expectations become irrelevant, unnecessary. And that is how we kind of be able to create a predictable future. Not in the details, but in the quality of the future.

Kathi 33:02

Yeah. And if you would like to know how to create your future, Episode 24 is all about manifestation guys. And it's a ripper of an episode. So if this is the first time you've heard us, please do go back and listen to the playlist. We keep our episodes around 20 to 25 minutes long, so they're easy to consume, but I think there are gold nuggets in every single one of them. So today, we have been talking about expectations and the value of not having them anymore. We hope that we've given you something to think about, something that perhaps you can look at your own life with this information and reassess how you want to think about things and know that expectations often bring disappointment. On that note, why wouldn't you not do them? Nobody wants

disappointment, right?

Daisy 34:04

Now, you see, we have an outline that we discussed when we created our podcast formula, that yeah, we will do the episodes between 20 and 30 minutes. And then sometimes we are going over time. So we do not meet the expectations of that time window. So this is a bonus episode because we went over time. And therefore, because we did not have an expectation, I consider it is an extra gift of minutes that we're gifting to you out

there.

Kathi 34:36

Absolutely agree. And that is rather funny that I've just said that they're all 20 to 25 minutes and this one is a little bit longer. But I think it's such a great topic and so important to the way you think about yourself and the way you think about the world and it can have a huge impact, just tweaking the way you think. And I remind everybody out there that everything is a choice, it's up to you, you get to decide. And you can not take this on board and carry on the way you were, if that's what you want to do. But we just want to inspire that there is another way, and that life can be richer and more positive and happier with this tweaking of the way you think, so we're going to cut it off there, or we will end up going for an hour.

Daisy 35:28

I consider it as a supermarket. We are offering goodies, like in a supermarket, and people can pick what they like and just leave on the shelf what they don't.

Kathi 35:41

Yes, I think that's a great analogy. I agree wholeheartedly. It's up to you to choose what you take from this. We just want to inspire change, and mindset evolvement because we believe it can help transform your life. So thank you everybody out there for listening. Thank you for your time. Thank you for sharing this with your family and friends. And thank you to all of our financial supporters, you are much appreciated and allow us to produce the best quality episodes possible.

Daisy 36:15

Thank you so much and thank you, for everyone who's listening and who feels inspired. I'm truly excited.