SUMMARY KEYWORDS

communication, laughter, podcast, parents, share, speak, communicate, foul language, absolutely, life, person, episode, teenager, agree, listening, support, important, comment, dialogue

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the mindset evolution podcast hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are until your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:26

Hi everybody. This is Kathi Tait, the baldwarrior here talking to you live from Australia on the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. And with me as always is Daisy Papp from Florida Keys. Hi Daisy, how are you?

Daisy 00:43

Hi, I'm extremely well thank you so much for making your time in a timely manner to meet again and to do this because this is so exciting and I love doing it and I'm very busy on the other hand, of course with clients, but I just make it a priority to take that time and set it aside and don't take appointments and don't work late at night, but meet with you to make the world a better place. And this is just lovely. How are you, my dear friend?

Kathi 01:13

Wow, I love that Daisy, because we have done a whole episode around time. And we actually mentioned being on time in our last episode as well, which was on boundaries. 

Kathi 01:25

I am great Daisy. I'm having a very busy and very productive week. So I'm excited to be here also and dedicate this time to our special baby, this podcast where we get to help people out there and today, I've decided we're going to talk about communication. 

Daisy 01:43

Mmh?

Kathi 01:44

Now it is a bit of a lead on from our last episode where we spoke about boundaries. And in that episode, Daisy brought up a really important key point that I think is so important to communication that I think we're going to talk about it again briefly. In case you haven't listened to the last episode, but if you haven't guys, you must go back and do that. So before we get into that, communication to me is a two-way street. I think success in communication relies on one person being able to express themselves and the other person being willing to listen to understand. And if any of those elements aren't quite right, communication can go very wrong very fast. To bring us back to the important key point is Daisy was speaking about the first person singular and what that means within the communication framework. Can we revisit that briefly Daisy to explain what I'm talking about?

Daisy 02:49

Of course, anything. Before I go there to first person singular, let me express my okay because we're communicating right? (Laughter). Healthy communication to me is to understand and be understood without the need to be right. 

Kathi 03:05

Yes. 

Daisy 03:06

So that's a very important essential part, I'd say without the need to be right.

Kathi 03:11

Absolutely. I absolutely agree with that. 

Daisy 03:14

I'm glad you do. (Laughter) So that is one part. Then the next thing is when you say it's a two-way street, it depends on the form of communication, our listeners out there, it's a one way street to them. They are listening to us.

Kathi 03:28

That is true. And of course we address that by putting the ability to give us feedback everywhere. (Laughter)

Daisy 03:37

True, in the group and even on the website, that's brand new, because we have just amazing news, but I let Kathi pop that pop of news. 

Daisy 03:48

We want to define, okay, what is it? Is it a monologue, or is it a dialogue? Mono means okay, it's one. Those who are in the music industry are doing podcasts or recording or listening to music, you usually enjoy stereo, much more than mono. Me personally, I do, I think other music lovers as well. Once it is agreed upon that this is going to be a dialogue, then both parties should be responsible to be open both ways. 

Kathi 04:18

Yes

Daisy 04:19

So when I'm speaking, I'm the one sending a message. You can imagine now, an old fashioned envelope where I'm putting something in there that I want to send to Kathi, and then she's the receiver. Now I can actually look, is it a good time that I'm sending, is she occupied, is she in the mood? That's what I can control kind of thing by my observation. That I sent the message and then now I turn into the receiver, because you become the sender. It's like the two tennis giants, Djokovic and Federer, I know there are others out there too, but I'm still, I like Roger Federer, yes Switzerland and who is number one, these gentlemen, on and off the tennis courts, my personal applause to him. And on the tennis court, what do they do? The ball goes back and forth, so that there must be some flow in the communication. And of course, it is helpful when we speak the same language. 

Kathi 05:17

Very helpful.

Daisy 05:18

Because wenn ich jetzt mit dir auf Deutsch weiterspreche, dann verstehst du mich nicht mehr, pause, because you're trying to find any data that's related to 

Kathi 05:28

not even one word (Laughter)

Daisy 05:32

I just said in German that if I continue speaking German to you, then you would probably not understand one word of it. So I think it is helpful that we speak in a language that we can agree upon, we both understand and enjoy. 

Kathi Tait 05:46

Yes

Daisy 05:47

I can give you an example about that. My son and I, we both speak three languages, the same three languages and we switch back and forth and something and sometimes he says mom, can you say it in German, please? if he's in the mood, or if he's not in the mood to set sail in English, so that's okay. And then we can agree upon. So that's why the part of language can be really important. 

Daisy 06:09

And then the next thing is okay is the other person open to receive, because let's say you're absolutely stressed, you're late, you have two other tests to do and it's almost midnight and you're tired and you have toothache and you have headaches and you need to go use the bathroom. It's probably not an opportune moment to communicate to you about the vacation we want to take in 2025 or the retreats that we're planning on doing in Fiji next year, so it's probably not opportune. So it's my responsibility. 

Daisy 06:36

And then when we communicate, what is it, it's actually it's sharing and caring. So I share with you what's going on in my head, my thoughts. I share with you what's going on in my heart, my feelings, emotions, I share with you, maybe some of my concerns, I share with you some of my experiences and then that is the tennis, is just going back and forth. And we are not like two tennis players on the court. This is not about winning the US Open or the Australian Open, none of that, mmh?

Kathi 07:07

No 

Daisy 07:07

That's what communication is not! But the ball in this metaphor, the back and forth, that is why it's a dialogue. So let's go back to the tennis court, because communication can be healthy and we can discuss something or we can move forward, we can come to a conclusion, to an agreement or we come to laughter together, or we cry together. These are all aspects of communication. 

Kathi 07:32

Yes. 

Daisy 07:33

And the communication is only over when I put down my racket. Game over. Okay, so we discussed that there are these people they repeat themselves over and over again.

Kathi 07:43

(Whispering) I have a couple of family members. (Laughter and indistinct whispering...we agree not....not close family.) I know a couple people like that in my life that do tend to repeat themselves. 

Daisy 08:01

So what do you do then? 

Kathi 08:02

Then there was this one particular person who was just an acquaintance and I genuinely didn't know what to do because she thought she was funny. She would tell these stories and laugh at herself and it was like, she was just entertaining yourself. But she also would repeat things and tell the same stories over and over. 

Daisy 08:22

What did you do? How did you respond? 

Kathi 08:24

 I didn't hang out with her as much.

Daisy 08:26

How sad, I think.

Kathi 08:28

Yeah, because in those days, there's no way I would have confronted somebody with that in fear of hurting their feelings. Which we spoke about last episode.

Daisy 08:40

Yeah. 

Kathi Tait 08:40

Boundaries. 

Daisy 08:40

The boundaries episode

Kathi 08:41

Yeah. 

Daisy 08:41

So okay, but let's go back to communication. 

Kathi 08:44

Yes. 

Daisy 08:45

Because maybe the two of you could have had great communication had you communicated with her, that it's not that entertaining for you when she's repeating the same story over and again, so there was a lack of communication producing some problem. 

Kathi 09:01

Yeah, sure, yeah. 

Daisy 09:02

Now part of communication is also that I share with you, I help you remember that you already told me, so I can do that in a gentle way. I can say, I remember you already told me that. I help you remember what you did or didn't say.

Kathi 09:18

Yeah

Daisy 09:18

That's gentle. And maybe she could have told you some incredible life stories, or maybe laughed together or maybe laughed about her telling the same story again, because the moment when we stop communication, that's quite a statement too, isn't it? 

Kathi 09:32

Yes, it is. 

Daisy 09:33

So you see, there's so many aspects it's exciting. Communication is so important. I love it, by the way, when I see people who communicate through sign language.

Kathi 09:43

Oh, they're amazing, aren't they?

Daisy 09:45

And they can be so expressive, and it is, wow, I wish I understood, mmh?

Kathi 09:51

Yes, for sure.

Daisy 09:52

So you see, communication is very important. Now what I think is very good for all humans, be fair, choose your words wisely and remember foul language is a no go. 

Kathi 10:03

Yeah.

Daisy 10:03

I don't care where anyone acquired their talents of using foul language. It's a no go. Because the moment I add that kind of, to me personally unnecessary, spice into communication, it goes a certain way. Leave it out, try to leave it out. Actually, let me correct that. I do care where you acquired the foul language. Let's address it. Let's heal it and stop doing it because you will feel better about yourself.

Kathi 10:30

That's a great point. Daisy. Absolutely,

Daisy 10:32

Yes, I got a point. Yes. (Laughter)

Kathi 10:37

Let's give our listeners a simple communication exercise they can go home and do with someone in their family.

Daisy 10:45

First person singular. 

Daisy 10:46

Now I go back to your requests next time when you say hey, you're leaving the socks out there again, turn it around, speak what you're observing as if you were a surveillance camera. I see some socks here and I'm not really sure what I should think about that. That's a great skill. By the way, the mother of one of my teachers, she was so elegant because instead of her reacting, she always inserted that little thingy. She asked herself a question. She did this in German language. And she asked as to what should I think about that now? So she gained some time to respond instead of react. So next time you see the laundry still in the hallway, or on the floor, or on the bedroom, or the couch or wherever, just say what you're experiencing and share how it makes you feel. And then add your request what you would like instead. That's clear and then let's see what happens. Give us feedback. 

Daisy 11:38

I love that. I love that, so simple. And how about one that a teenager could do?

Daisy 11:45

A teenager? 

Kathi 11:45

Yes. 

Daisy 11:46

What would be a topic? What's the context?

Kathi 11:48

How about they have got a new boyfriend or girlfriend and the parents trying to ask about it and they don't want to talk about it, but they also don't want to cause conflict with their parent.

Daisy 12:00

Okay, so we're trying to help the parents out there or the teenager, hmm? Two different things. (Laughter)

Kathi 12:09

I don't know, I have a feeling that this will reach into some teenagers' ears, so let's do it from the teenager's point of view.

Daisy 12:16

So let's say that there is a nagging parent, hey, but tell me that so you have a girlfriend finally or you have a boyfriend now or what's going on there, is that the kind...?

Kathi 12:24

Yeah, yeah. And all the stuff that parents do around that can be very frustrating for a teenager when they just want to do their thing. 

Daisy 12:33

Explore. I think for all teenagers out there, when your parents are caring parents, they can still be annoying at times. I'm a mother myself. And so is Kathi.

Kathi 12:42

I am, yes. 

Daisy 12:43

We do really care for what you do at all times, all the time, a lifetime long. So you will not be able to outgrow this. It will not go to disappear. That's it, that's mom.

Kathi 12:56

We can both attest to that, mine's 26, yours is 28, I think?

Daisy 13:01

No sir he's just turned 30 (laughter & indistinct comments)

Kathi 13:08

It doesn't change no matter how old they get.

Daisy 13:11

Imagine that your parents care, they don't ask for nagging. They don't ask because they want to nag you, they ask probably because they're curious. They want to know what's going on in your life and they want to also be sure that you're okay, wherever you are in your life.

Kathi 13:26

Yes, it is often your safety whether it seems reasonable or not, parents worry about their kids.

Daisy 13:32

Yeah. So now as a teenager, what you can do. Let's say your parent asked you once, I would be frank, I'd say, depends if you have a new friend or not. Yes, I'm trying to figure out I really like that one person and I thought it's a wise thing to get to know them better. 

Kathi 13:47

Hey, kids say that to your parents and see if it leaves them speechless. (laughter)

Daisy 13:56

Could be.

Kathi 13:56

I think it might.

Daisy 14:00

 And then here to the parents let's... because I don't want to abandon them in this case scenario.

Kathi 14:04

No, let's help them too.

Daisy 14:05

Parents, yes. Ask them. And if you have the experience that your children are honest, sincere, then believe them. If you have a cheeky sneaky child that has the tendency to bend here a little bit or bend there a little bit, then there's a different problem involved as well, that can be addressed. When it's about, okay, let's build trust here, because you're going to be a grown up shortly and I would like to make sure that you're aware of it, how important it is for me that you're responsible human being that is sincere and can be trusted, because I want to treat you as a young adult. And in order for me to do that, I need to be able to trust you and know that when you say something to me that I can take it to the bank that it's true.

Kathi 14:49

Absolutely. And I think that is an extremely important pillar in any of our relationships, and it's especially apparent when we're talking about teenagers 'cause you go through so much as a teenager and having your parent on your side is going to make your life a lot easier. And I worked hard to build a great relationship with my son when he was a teenager, so he felt safe in coming to me with anything he was struggling with. So, you know, we want to support and encourage that.

Daisy 15:20

I think honesty is very key. That's another part of communication. Unless I'm a stand up comedian and tell you the green, the blue and the yellow from the walls, then that's my job because I'm entertaining you in that setting. But I do believe that honesty is very important, because otherwise, who am I lying to? I'm setting up already lies in the entire setting. 

Kathi 15:40

Absolutely. 

Daisy 15:41

So if I want honesty, then I better be an honest person. 

Kathi 15:44

Absolutely 

Daisy 15:44

Agreed?

Kathi 15:45

Yes, absolutely. Definitely another pillar. 

Daisy 15:48

And I want to say I honestly appreciate our supporters. Thank you so much. Really, that's wonderful. Thank you, what a nice gesture to share with us that you appreciate what you're doing and your comments as well with the support, so that we can keep up with our technical stuff here and the staff.

Kathi 16:04

Yes.

Daisy 16:05

That's wonderful, thanks so much.

Kathi 16:07

We're very thankful for everyone out there who's supported us in all the ways they can. And actually we have a little announcement today we have... 

Daisy 16:16

Bring it on! 

Kathi 16:19

We have just launched our website, the home of the Bald and Blonde podcast and the address is baldandblonde.live. So you can head over there and check out information about Daisy and I and our backgrounds and to get access to all the other things that we do. Plus we have special write-ups on each episode, the ability to listen right there on the website, and so much more. We are going to produce special podcast packs for every episode we do that helps you dive deeper into the topic, into the lessons we discuss and give you some exercises that you can actually do at home. So we're really excited. Every episode that has been published to date has a podcast pack there for you to go and download today. So check it out!

Daisy 17:15

That's wonderful, so much effort in that and I believe this is the future of learning because you can go precisely to topic and you can dive in deeper, you can share, you can learn something, change your own life, create the life you really dream of. That's why it's called Dream Life Creators on Facebook in the group and we share a lot of specials there that are dear to us. And you can get to know us a little bit closer as we are sharing some personal insights and we share some live videos and we say hello to everyone. And if you have a question just come on and ask us because we believe that it's part of communication to ask questions.

Kathi 17:54

Absolutely. And that group is designed to be there to support you guys with what you're going through and help you create change in your life. So we do urge you to come on over and join us and get to know Daisy and I much better as there's a lot of stuff happening in there that you will not see anywhere else. So we're going to wrap it up for our episode on communication there today. And we thank you for your time, your support and please do get in touch with us if there's anything you'd like to say. We love feedback. And don't forget to hit subscribe on your favorite podcast listening platform.

Daisy 18:32

That is wonderful. Exactly and share because we share so much with you. So you're welcome to share with us. Thank you so much for listening and talk to you soon. 

Kathi 18:42

See you next time. 

Daisy 18:43

Bye. 

Daisy 18:44

Thank you so much for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde mindset evolution podcast. Make sure you like our podcast, comment and leave us a five-star review. Subscribe on iTunes or wherever you consume podcasts. Share with your friends and loved ones. Leave a comment and reach out to us with questions and how we can help you change your life. We hope you've enjoyed this episode. Talk to you next time.

SUMMARY KEYWORDS

women, cave, man, problem, relationship, communicating, gender, thinks, people, important, female, week, verbalize, partner, withdraw, personally, wonderful, home, Venus

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:02

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:28

And hello, everybody, and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait the Baldwarrior, your host from down under and with me, as always is Daisy Papp, international excellence coach living in Florida Keys on the other side of the world. Hi, Daisy.

Daisy 00:51

Hi from the other world. No, no, not from the other world. But from the other hemisphere. That's for sure, because I'm on the northern hemisphere, and you're on the southern hemisphere. wonderful to see you. So let's do it.

Kathi 01:05

You too Daisy. Well, you already know the topic this week, because I gave it away last episode. I hope you out there have listened to it already. It was a fascinating conversation about the differences between men and women and their traits and behaviors. And we thought we'd dig a little bit deeper today by talking about the man cave. Now everybody out there knows what the man cave is, the man cave is the space where your husband retreats, when he needs some alone time. But we want to talk to you about why that is and why it's so important to be patient when he does that, because it's actually quite healthy.

Daisy 01:52

I so agree with you. I believe that once we can see one another's differences with that curious fascination, then it becomes quite exciting to discover more and more, instead of judging it and condemning it and making fun of one another. I think it is just wonderful to see that when we look at a dog, we don't really want it to be a parrot. At least most of the people I know, don't want to do that. And I do believe it is also important for men and women to just acknowledge them for who they are, instead of wanting them to be who they cannot be. Because I think that already creates a huge peaceful basis where we then can start building relationships from.

Kathi 02:43

Yes, and something you did mention last episode I want to repeat because I think it's really important. You said that in today's world, women want their man to be manly and strong and winners. But then they also want them to be companions and to be like them. And it's not possible for a man to be like a woman because we are in fact physically hardwired differently in our primitive brains, right?

Daisy 03:15

Yeah, let's go to the architecture of the brains, it's very different. So it is not that only because the egg meets the sperm and then it's determined will it be a boy or a girl, there are so many things that happen in between. So the moment when the egg meets the sperm, it's not determined yet which gender the grown baby then will be. So during the pregnancy, there are a lot of things happening within. And I give you one example during this pregnancy weeks, when the 3D vision, so the coordinates the orientation, when we are somewhere reading maps, for example, would be something that people still do at times, even when it's through the GPS, let's say the GPS is not talking, then during the pregnancy week when we develop that in the brain and then let's say there's more testosterone in that liquid, in which the little baby swims in that pool, I call it little baby swimming pool in the womb so that people understand what I'm referring to. If there's more testosterone in it, then that baby no matter which gender it will be eventually we'll have a better orientation later on as an adult.

Kathi 04:35

Oh, that's interesting. So that explains why you might be female but have some skills that would traditionally be male skills, but you're very good at it.

Daisy 04:45

Very much so and vice versa,

Kathi 04:48

great,

Daisy 04:48

so only because at the end comes out a baby gender male in the birth certificate or gender female does not mean that then they are 100% male or female. We have as women, many male aspects, and men have many female aspects. Now, actually what comes out at the end at birth is like a lottery, if we can say it otherwise, because, as I say, between the egg meeting the sperm and what happens until pregnancy week 40, in a good case scenario, when the pregnancy is fulfilled, and then the baby arrives, as a bundle of joy into this world, there are many, many things that really determine who we will be and how we will be and how we will develop later on. So now let me go back to the man cave, John Gray wrote a cute little book and it says Men are from Mars, and Women are from Venus, maybe many of our listeners read it. He describes an environment on Mars, where there are lots of caves. So when a man has a problem, he withdraws into the cave and thinks. Now on Venus, on the other hand, there are no caves. But there are women clubs and networks and meeting points and chit chats. So when he recognizes a problem, and goes into the cave, he withdraws alone, and thinks about the problem. When a woman has a problem, she goes to another woman on Venus and speaks about the problem. So actually, women are capable of solving a problem, while they're talking about it, a man cannot do that. A man can either think or speak. So now imagine, as a woman out there, she wants her man, honey, I see something's wrong, what's wrong with you? And he says nothing. When he's in his cave, leave him alone. Once he's figured out the problem, he will come out, and then he may or may not communicate, but it's impossible for him to speak about the problem while he cannot verbalize it yet. It's impossible.

Kathi 06:55

Yes, and ladies, a study from the University of South California has actually proven that withdrawing into a quiet space actually reduces cortisol, which is the stress hormone.

Daisy 07:10

Yes.

Kathi 07:11

So they need physically to withdraw in some way. And if they don't have a physical space that they can withdraw into, they will create other barriers, which are often going to be emotional barriers like withdrawing, not talking, being defensive, being passive aggressive, or even abandoning the whole relationship, because physiologically, they are screaming out for this need for space. And so if we can understand that as women, then I think that we can stop taking it personally and just realize that that is something that your guy needs, he needs to be able to do that. Because remember, also, when he is in his man cave, or his safe space, there's no pressure on him from the outside world, there's no expectations from other people. And he can truly just be himself. And that is what he needs in order to solve his problem.

Daisy 08:14

Yes, and I do believe it's also very important for men to know that, because when they know what their need is, then they may verbalize that when there's no problem while they're able to verbalize things and say, Hey, honey, when I have a problem, I need my space and I'm not leaving the relationship, I'm not leaving you, don't think of divorce, but I'm just taking some time out. That's it. And I do believe it is very important for both genders to be able to learn what their needs are, and then start verbalizing them and then communicating them. So a woman for example, she's able to speak about the problem while she has a problem because she's thinking out loud while solving the problem, with other women. Now, for men, imagine if he has a problem. And he mostly would like to withdraw, but he can't, for whatever reason, and then the woman is just showering him in all these verbal expressions. That's torture for him. He can't think. Let me give you another example. So let's say he has a problem. And so he withdraws into his cave, that can be the garage, if he doesn't have a garage, sometimes it's the car itself and then sometimes it's the bar around the corner. And then so he walks in, orders a drink at the bar and sits down there and looks into the glass. That's his cave, for that moment. When other friends of this man walk into that bar, they will not go there and say, hey, let's engage into conversation, let's talk about it. No, because they see he's in a cave. They leave him alone. And they don't take it personally. They know what he's going through.

Daisy 09:54

Now, let's say this man, there at the bar, he finishes his drink, he walks home and he's maybe in a really good mood, or he drives home. And then he comes home, and he's just really delighted and he's in a good mood, he's maybe whistling around, and he says, Hi, honey, I'm back. And she just looks at him and says, now what's wrong with him? So he abandons me now for two hours and now he comes back, and he pretends as if nothing happened. Well, let's look at it from the man cave point of view. To him, he either has a solution for the problem, or he has a plan. Now, for a woman that's not good enough. When a woman has a problem, she wants to talk about it, we've spoke about that already. And then she wants to know exactly how it plays out, because there's so many things that could happen in the meantime, so many coincidences, and maybe something happens in between, I need to know how the end will be step by step and then only when we arrive at the end, that's when the problem is over. For him, that's different. For him, the problem is already over when he has a plan.

Daisy 11:01

Now, imagine, so he comes home in a good mood, and he wants just to continue the evening, and he says, hey, so let's dance honey, or let's listen to some nice music or come and cuddle with me. I'm not even mentioning that he would like to get on these wonderful hours of pleasure, that in reality, are only minutes. We don't even go there. But she, in the meantime, she was boiling while he was in the cave. And because she has a problem, she's probably calling one girlfriend, if she's not available, she's calling another one. Maybe they even have a conference call on this. And then they talk about it. And then the women, all the other Venus, ladies, they all agree yes, this is impossible, so you need to tell him. And then in the meantime, she's cooking, boiling within herself, and he comes back home. And she says no, I don't do that anymore, I want a divorce. And then he thinks he's just in the wrong movie. Wrong scene, what did I miss?

Daisy 11:59

So you see how it happens here. So both of them need to gain some understanding, if they want to really also gain some intimacy, because what is intimacy, I think that's another topic because that's very deep and big. But what really is intimacy, I would really simplify it and I'd say it's grammatically not correct, but it's very understandable to what I'm pointing to, "into me see". I'm allowing the other person to look into me, how vulnerable I am, how my world functions, how I function, what I think, what I don't think, how I'm planning, how I'm solving problems or how I don't solve problems. Now, when there is trust, and I hope that everyone in a relationship has a level of trust, that is wonderful. If not work on trust, because without trust, you have nothing. And those who are single out there and are considering to be in the dating scene, understand that building trust is the most essential part of any relationship, because without trust, you have nothing. Now when you have trust, and then you build this intimacy, and allow the other person, hey look into me, and see. Now, then we can have relationships that are more beautiful and wonderful, and they're passionate, and they're trustworthy. And then there will be boundaries, but there will be love. And then there will be problems, but there will be solutions. And I do believe that it's really wonderful.

Kathi 13:36

Yes, and we did an episode on trust just a few weeks ago, Episode 31. So check that out guys for a deeper talk about intimacy and trust, and how to help build that in your relationship because it is so essential. I think talking about the man cave is really important. Because when you get to our age, which is around the 50 mark, and you've lived a few decades, you tend to observe people and observe society. And I can see society changing and the gender roles in our modern world today, are much more blurred than they once were when I was young. And I think that that can be confusing for people of both sexes.

Daisy 14:27

 Very

Kathi 14:27

Because suddenly they have these expectations on them from society to act and behave in a way that is essentially foreign, biologically.

Daisy 14:38

 Absolutely. When we think of what you're pointing out that the expectations are very different from 100 years ago, then let's have a look. The Society was very different, men were in groups, they had more male role models, and then they had the church and then they had the work on the fields, or then the soldiers they had their environment, it was very different. But now when we look at it over the past few decades, things really fell apart and boys don't really have these role models anymore, especially very few healthy role models. Well, girls have the same problem because healthy role models are quite rare. I can see that too. But now when we go to the expectation, so when a woman wants this successful man as a husband, I work with some CEOs from really big, big companies and corporations and I work also with some wives of really successful businessmen. And these wives, they would love him to spend more time at home, but she also enjoys living in the mansion. She enjoys going on vacation on the private jet, she enjoys going to the Bahamas on the yacht, because Fort Lauderdale is not exciting enough for a few weekends. And they don't see that the man actually puts all his life and energy into providing for the family, because that's his joy. That is how he identifies himself as a manly man. And she doesn't see that. Actually what happens here, so she de-balls him, excuse me for this expression. But she almost castrates him because she's not appreciating him for what he's doing and providing in his role. But she then wants to womanize him a little bit, not like him becoming a womanizer, but to be a little bit more female, cuddle with me on the couch, talk with me about your problems, tell me what's bothering you in business. He's not trained to talk about the problems in his business. Why? Because then he would be vulnerable in his position. And then he could not be that successful in his position. So it's very important to understand, for both genders to grow the understanding that lady out there, when your man is a career freak, he wants to provide to you if he's a healthy, trustworthy, and let's say, monogamous husband. Yeah. And there's nothing to worry about.

Kathi 17:11

So I can see that it would be essential to have this basic understanding, in order to communicate with each other better.

Daisy 17:23

Yes, but in order to be able to communicate, I need to be able to trust you that you're not cutting me off, that you're not misinterpreting me that you're not assuming guessing, jumping to conclusions. It's a big, big poisonous ingredient for relationships.

Kathi 17:39

Yes,

Daisy 17:40

jumping to conclusions, it kills it already in the beginning, both genders. So when men understand that it's okay to be a man. And it is okay that they're biologically different and physiologically different, and that their brain architecture is different, not worse, not better, different. There's no judgment, and then they probably feel more encouraged to speak about it, hey this is my need.

Kathi 18:11

Mmm

Daisy 18:11

And when they start communicating, that doesn't make them weak, it's just sharing information. It's like I go to the restaurant, I like lobster, but I don't like lamb. Big deal. So when a man would be able to start communicating that with his partner, it also requires then an understanding partner and not taking it personally, that's very important ladies out there. You are not the center of the universe, you may want to be that, you're not. You're not.

Kathi 18:41

I think that's a great point to make. And I think that it is very common for women to take things personally, when in fact, it possibly has nothing to do with her whatsoever.

Daisy 18:56

Yeah. And then where does it come from? Because women, they build relationships, and every single relationship is individually evaluated. A man is more connected to a group or a club. There's a man out there, they can identify themselves with a soccer club or football club. That's how they identify themselves. That's why you see them sometimes crying when their team loses.

Kathi 19:20

Yeah,

Daisy 19:20

because that's how they perceive it. It's dramatic and traumatic at some times. So now, I can give you one good example. So let's say a man in his work environment, there's a new position available, and then now other men compete for that position. And let's say this procedure goes on for four weeks or four months. And so he comes home and maybe eventually, hopefully, he may mention it to his wife and says, yeah, well, there's this new position, but John maybe he's getting it or maybe Rob is getting it. I don't think Sam is getting it, so I want to get it really. And then let's say four weeks later or four months later, the competition is over the position is filled, and her husband didn't get the position and the husband then after work goes out with a drink with a person who got the job. And she thinks to herself, he must be crazy. Where's his moral compass? How can he do that? This is an enemy of his. And now he sits there and having a good time or pretending? Well, it's not that case. For him, it was a competition until there was a competition, and then there was an end result. And then it's over. It's over. Unless there was foul play, because it's very interesting, men can cheat in all kinds of things, but when it comes to playing cards, you better don't cheat. (Chuckle) Women, by the way, have a tendency to cheat when they play cards, they have no problem with that. But then for men, that's impossible. They do different areas of cheating. Interesting. (Chuckle) I didn't come up with this, so learned information. So the man cave.

Kathi 21:01

So would it be correct to say that men don't take things personally like women do?

Daisy 21:06

I don't think that we can see that generally, but I think they have a very different approach to it. When I tell him directly, well, you look like a half bull with pink shirts on, then he might take that personally, when it's directed at him, but to him, it's more important what other men think of him, much more important. But because women have their individual relationships that are evaluated individually. Let's say you and I, we walk into a female club, woman club, Girls Club, for let's say, for podcasters women only. And let's say Susan and Jodi and I know Sandy and Patricia, then we probably because you and I walk together in that, then we will probably hang out with them. Because we know them. And then before we get involved with someone else, we want to learn, okay, is it possible to build a relationship there. Because for women, it's all about relationship, mmh?

Kathi 22:04

Yeah,

Daisy 22:06

that's also something important that the man cave of the species, I think they do very well, when they start understanding that for the woman, the relationship is the most important. So when he learns to listen, what is important to her, or how he can show her that the relationship is to him just as important, and then behave in such a way that that's what he's communicating with her. And they can be both happily ever after. In this aspect.

Kathi 22:34

Mmm, yeah, this is a fascinating discussion. And we hope that it has helped you guys out there, think a bit more about the topic. And maybe you'll even go home and have a conversation with your partner about it and listen to the podcast together, discuss it, find out more about each other so that you can have a greater understanding of what makes each other happy, and how to enable that space for each other, because I think space is essential. I think sometimes you need a little bit of distance, so that we're reacting less and responding with more thought and care.

Daisy 23:18

Yeah, a friend of mine, professor, Dr. Eric Dickhaus, is a neuroscientist and he once said something incredibly wise to me. We were talking about relationships and neuroscience, because I'm fascinated by that topic and that area of knowledge. And he says to me, Daisy, you see when partners would start searching for the treasures in their partner, and they started today, they would not even be able to find a fraction of the treasures in their partner, even if they had three lifetimes.

Kathi 23:54

Hmm, that makes it sound like you're never really going to know the person you're with.

Daisy 23:59

Well, let's be honest. Do you know yourself? 100%?

Kathi 24:04

Well, I think I do, but having a good think, I think i also learn more about myself every day.

Daisy 24:11

Exactly. Now imagine how long it would take you then to know another person on that level, you would need to have grown up with them, mmh?

Kathi 24:21

Yeah,

Daisy 24:22

like Siamese twins or something like that. They probably know about one another, tragically, more than any other two people. So I don't think it is sad, I see it the other way around, I think it's fascinating. Let's go and find another treasure. Oh, this is how he thinks about it, wonderful. And instead of always thinking, always, I rarely generalize, but I do know that there are some females out there and there are some males out there too, that always assume the worst, that their partner does it on purpose, does it to hurt them, does it to ignore them, does it to step over them and so forth, so forth. No, when that's your attitude, it's a very bittersome relationship then.

Kathi 25:10

Oh, it's doomed. I 100% agree with that one, it's just not a healthy way to think. And I think that if you do think like that, then the whole thing's going to fall in, collapse on you.

Daisy 25:23

Many people live like that for decades, in a relationship, sadly. But now when we change our attitude, and that is something we can do. Every one of us has the power to do that, change your attitude, you can do it.

Kathi 25:36

Absolutely.

Daisy 25:37

And when you change your attitude, the next time when you see your partner do something that is not really logical to you, or you just don't really get it, or you just don't really understand it, and instead of saying, Oh, well, he's just like that, or oh yeh, she always does that. No, no, no, that's prejudice, and that's hurtful. Instead, having that attitude, uh huh, another treasure to be found! Okay, honey, tell me more about it. So what do you think, tell me how you thinking?

Kathi 26:05

Unless he's going into the man cave, then save the question till he comes out!

Daisy 26:10

Leave him alone. Leave him alone. Exactly. Yeah, that's right. Because he is really deaf. Not because he is biologically physically deaf, but men hear not even half of what she hears. He's not built for communication. Not this way, as women would want him to be. So if we women want to have great men, and great role models for future generations, then let men be men. Don't try to make them female. Let's face it, 30 years ago, when a man had a few feminine gestures or traits, they would think that he was gay when he was not, let's face it. So guys, go into your cave, take your time. And when you come out, just be happy and start communicating, start communicating. And if you can, start listening, because you can train your ears too.

Kathi 27:08

That's great advice, Daisy. And on that note, we are going to end today's discussion. We hope that it has given you some insight. And we do want to also give a big shout out to all of our supporters and followers. Thank you for listening. Thank you for your time, thank you for sharing our podcasts with your friends and family. We love to see how our audience is growing exponentially every single week. So huge shout out to all of you out there.

Daisy 27:39

Thank you so much. And please, if you want to support us in a different way, then really take some of our words to heart. This is like a supermarket. Not everything is for everyone. But pick what you like and apply it and think about it and discuss it. That is how you can support us as well, because that is our purpose. That's why we do what we do, and we put so many hours voluntarily in this and it's such a joy and we hope that you have at least half of the joy that we have while we're producing this, then we are already completely happy. Thank you so much for listening in.

Kathi 28:19

Absolutely. So stay tuned next week for another amazing discussion and topic here on Bald and Blonde

Daisy 28:29

Mindset Evolution.

Daisy 28:32

Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you'll find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get more value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcast or Podchaser, that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Talk to you soon.