SUMMARY KEYWORDS

gossip, gossiper, mental hygiene, iguana, love, laughter, standards, people, podcast, hear, world, beach, gossiped, peer pressure, stop, hurtful, person, communication, based

SPEAKERS

Kathi, Daisy

Daisy 00:03

Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.

Kathi 00:28

And hello everybody and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait the Baldwarrior, your host from Australia, and with me, as always is Daisy Papp, your host from America. How are you going, Daisy?

Daisy 00:47

Hello, my dear. How are you? I'm so happy to see you. So I'm already doing well, in case you wanted to ask me how I'm doing. I'm always happy to see you. What is new, Down Under?

Kathi 00:58

Down Under it's getting a bit chilly. I've got to say we're in the thick of winter right now. So I've got beanies on and socks and the Ugg boots have come out of the closet. I don't know if America knows what Ugg boots are.

Daisy 01:14

I have Uggs as well, of course, I love them.

Kathi 01:18

I'm keeping warm and well, Daisy, how is the beach? It's summer there, right?

Daisy 01:24

Yes, it's summer. And it's wonderful. Well, the beach is a wonderful break, because I'm sitting so much in front of the computer and working with clients around the world and doing workshop preparations and seminar materials and the podcasts and the editing, and so much to do and studies as well. So it's a very nice break. So I see the beach is calling me from my kitchen window. So I go out with my little bucket, and then I'm picking the weeds because they're growing and it's just nice when it's clean and when it's tidy, and it's a good break for me. It's almost like gymnastics, you know, bend down, pluck it out and make sure it's not regrowing. (Laughter)

Kathi 02:01

I hope that iguana hasn't been plaguing your sun lounge again.

Daisy 02:05

You're going to remind me of that? No, today it wasn't there, but I see its tail trails in the sand because they're pulling their tail behind themselves so I can see exactly where it was walking. Was not near my lounger this time, but well, they have the right to exist too. And one thing is for sure, they were here long before I was and that's okay, we cohabit somewhat outdoors.

Kathi 02:29

Yes, I just have this funny little cartoon in my head of this iguana on Daisy's sun lounge with a cocktail in one hand and an umbrella. So if there's any cartoon artists out there, and you can visualize what I can see in this picture; I'd love to bring this iguana to life but can't draw that well.

Daisy 02:53

I would like to add, please send it to Kathi because I don't want to see it. I have iguanas live here all the time and it's her invention in her mind because I would never ever serve an iguana a cocktail. But you see the other day I was invited out for lunch and interestingly enough, there wasn't an Iguana Draft. So they make their own beers here, up and down the Keys. They have some breweries, and one of them was called Iguana. I couldn't believe it. They even advertised it! (Laughter)

Kathi 03:22

I guess the region's well known for them, is it?

Daisy 03:24

Yes, it is. And they're not allowed to be here, actually, because they're not home here. So they were naturally not here in the first place. People bring all kinds of exotic things. But well, I'm trying to keep my beach clean and tidy. It's just another style of hygiene. So I do my mental hygiene every day. And so I'm trying to keep the beach hygiene going. So that's what's new about the beach. But now I'm sitting on pins and needles. What are you going to throw at me this time?

Kathi 03:53

Wow, interesting that you mentioned mental hygiene, which of course, is a big part of our show. The theme behind mindset evolution is really mental hygiene, isn't it? So today, I want to talk about something that can impact that. And it's an interesting topic, it's gossip.

Daisy 04:13

Mmm, gossip, oh now!

Kathi 04:15

I think it's a conversation that needs to be had, because now I might be getting culturally significant here because I live in Australia and have for my whole adult life. And I haven't traveled extensively to a great extent, and lived in other cultures. I'm all about the Aussie culture and the Kiwi culture because I know that quite well too, right? So when I talk about gossip over here, it's a little bit ingrained into the way people speak, and talk and act. And I don't know if it's the same in America or in Europe, where you have also lived so I think this is an interesting discussion. What do you reckon?

Daisy 04:58

Well gossip is part of human communication. Nevertheless, it's an unhealthy ingredient of communication and conversations. It's rather conditioned. We were not born gossiping, it is taught. And gossip can be very hurtful, very painful.

Kathi 05:17

Maybe we need to define gossip first.

Daisy 05:20

Well define gossip, what's gossip? What's your definition of gossip? (Laughter) Well, it's like playing ping pong, the ball can be here, and now it's back there in your court.

Kathi 05:33

She just ping ponged me (laughter). I've been ping ponged. Okay, so this is also interesting, because I think there can be connotations on words. And for me, gossip is a negative connotation, in that, the one thing I know about gossip is it's filtered through each person's own filter, and therefore the meaning can change instantly by how it is recounted.

Daisy 06:01

Mm-hmm, that is basics in communication. Because everything is filtered by every individual, because we do have our own filters based on our emotions, and based on our past experiences, and based on our value system, and based on how we evaluate what we hear. And based on the meaning we give. Now, I believe one very important thing about gossip is it's part of communication, it's part of conversation, and conversational style. Let's define it first in positive and negative.

Kathi 06:31

That was the next thing I wanted to say was that, is the gossip malicious would be something I would ask if I'm hearing it.

Daisy 06:41

Well, so if I gossip and say, well, did you see the neighbor's dog did this and that? Did you see it? So then there's already some level of sarcasm involved, or some amount of malicious intention, maybe because I'm laughing someone out or I'm making fun.

Kathi 07:00

Making fun, right.

Daisy 07:02

So now when I say, Joe, did you hear that Johnny, he just made his exam, and he just made it and it's wonderful. Now that could be positive gossip. But nevertheless, I do believe that gossip in basics, by my definition, has to do with the lack of what I have to say, maybe I'm insecure, maybe I don't have enough to say, maybe I don't feel courageous enough to share my own opinion. So it's actually an ingredient in conversational styles and in communication style, where, okay, so I don't know what to say, so then let's gossip about someone, positive or negative alike.

Kathi 07:38

That's brilliant. That's a brilliant insight. And I think that you've given another one of your golden nuggets there, Daisy, because when I look, in my mind at observing gossip, or being part of a conversation, where it's happening, it's exactly that. They don't want to speak their own mind, or stand on their own opinion or back themselves up, so they just start talking about somebody else to have something to say,

Daisy 08:12

yes,

Kathi 08:13

Yep, I 100% agree. And I think that's really important that we point that out to the listeners, yeah.

Daisy 08:20

Now, let's also add to that, that there might be a peer pressure.

Kathi 08:23

Absolutely. That almost always is peer pressure, in some form isn't there, in groups.

Daisy 08:30

And now, doesn't it reflect on our own security or self-esteem or self-security or self-value? You see, the more clear we become what my standards are, and my values are,

Kathi 08:43

which we spoke about last episode, guys, if you haven't heard it yet, go back one,

Daisy 08:48

then you naturally will not engage into gossip anymore. I have a girlfriend of mine, and she really knows to tell stories from around the world. And it's really exciting. Nevertheless, I don't take it as gossip. Maybe her intention is to share it as gossip, but I don't receive it as gossip because I find it quite fascinating to learn, okay, so now they're in Colombia, they did that and in Mexico, this happened. And in Argentina, oh, you don't want to... what happened there, in South Africa, Cape Town and the difference then to Johannesburg, I find that quite amazing and interesting. So I do not engage in the gossip though. I listen to the story based on my standards, and then sooner or later, she really does not have too much more to say and then she's asking me after she unloaded that much information, because maybe she needed to get it off her chest. Then she asked me, so Daisy, what's new in your world? And then we start talking, and then she's capable of listening, interestingly. So you see, gossip only because it exists does not necessarily mean that I have to engage, there is no such thing that I must. So when I have my own interests, when I have a hobby or when I'm reading then I may share oh, you know what I read in this book, and maybe it was a novel, that's not gossip, you're speaking of a piece of literature, no matter of which value. So if it is really one of the greatest poets, or if it is just a novelist from maybe here, the Keys, which may be talented and enjoyable and entertaining to read.

Daisy 10:21

So when we look at gossip from another aspect, oftentimes, it also happens to gossip about someone in a negative way to make ourselves feel better for a moment or two, it's not lasting. That's why people who gossip a lot, I can observe how they in the world function, so I can pretty much by now, observe a person's behavior and tell them what their inner world is, without judgment, just by observation. And usually those who are critical and gossip a lot, imagine what they do within themselves, towards themselves. So it is one clear thing to understand, I believe, nothing can come out what's not already in there, period.

Kathi 11:08

That just makes sense. (Laughter)

Daisy 11:12

Try to squeeze out ketchup out of my water bottle, or try to squeeze out of my toothpaste, mustard; you can't! Only what's in there will come out. Same with humans, therefore it's important, what do we put in? Now we can fully control what we let in and what not. We were just not taught about that. Because then comes the peer pressure, and oh, yeah, well, in our culture, the Aussie culture, you said oh, gossip is the thing and it's included in conversation style. Well you can exit that at any given moment. And you will also be able to inspire others to stop too, because there's so many other things and topics that are so much of value that are so rich and enriching life, that it can be so exciting that they forget about all the gossip and all the need to gossip all at once, within a few minutes when you inspire them, not demand and not expect. Inspire, invite them.

Kathi 12:07

Yes. 100%. I do enjoy that.

Daisy 12:10

See?

Kathi 12:12

Yeah,

Daisy 12:13

I don't have anything more to say about gossip, I believe. (Laughter) Or do you want to gossip?

Kathi 12:21

Well, that won't do we're only 15 minutes, Daisy! What shall we talk about then, if we're done on gossip?

Daisy 12:30

I have one more thing.

Kathi 12:31

Oh!

Daisy 12:31

When someone gossips about you. I think that's also a very important skill to have a very easy, very, very easy, it seems like overwhelming, maybe emotionally, but follow me for a moment, maybe two minutes. Let's say you have a cup in your hand, no matter what cup, and it looks the way it looks. If I'd now say to this cup or about this cup, this is stupid, this is ugly, this is useless, it's dirty, and it's, who would ever buy something like that? Does it change the look of the cup? Question?

Kathi 13:03

No.

Daisy 13:04

Answer, no, mm-hmm. Therefore, no matter what a person gossips about you, does it really change you, big

question mark?

Kathi 13:13

No.

Daisy 13:14

So then therefore, does not the gossip tell a lot about the gossiper than about the person who's been gossiped about? I'm not saying that it cannot be harmful. Look, I worked in the music industry, and I worked in the visual arts, and I still do, and we're doing this podcast and we're quite visible online, worldwide. So we know how people probably gossip about us as well, but it doesn't change me and those who listened to the gossiper can be granted that the gossiper doesn't know me because otherwise they wouldn't gossip about me.

Kathi 13:52

Yes.

Daisy 13:53

When you start behaving in a way that no one would believe any gossip about you, then you're just home free. That's it. Because then you know, for yourself, well, it's just not true. And well, yes, some people do have tendencies, maybe they have a boring existence, maybe they don't have really much going on in their lives. Or maybe they're just accustomed that gossip is the one and only greatest thing who can tell the dirtiest gossip about the neighbor or the person in town or the person overseas. Now, remember, when you're gossiped about, it's a little tricky what I'm going to say but actually, we can be grateful because it's like when you get press, even bad press is great advertisement. There must be something, you must have something that stirs up something.

Kathi 14:44

Well, I think that's a given that there's a saying that you haven't made it until you get bad press, because there is no way you can please everybody in everywhere. It's impossible. We're all just too unique. So you just can't even think about that. Like you said, it doesn't change what the cup looks like, doesn't change what I believe. And also what you said, if that's what they're doing, they're talking about me, well, as long as some of its good, who cares?

Daisy 15:15

Now, here's the thing, when you behave based on your values and your values became your standards based on your behavior, and you behave based on these standards, in harmony with your standards, then it doesn't matter what other people say anymore. Because it doesn't stick to you.

Kathi 15:33

Yeah, exactly. They'd be making it up.

Daisy 15:36

When you have a raincoat, the raincoat is not worried about the raindrops because it knows that it will roll off. Be the raincoat.

Kathi 15:45

Yes

Daisy 15:46

But you can only be the raincoat when you really behave like one. So I'm not saying that it's not hurtful. I work with some celebrities overseas and during this state of mind, and the fearful thinking, and the denunciation and all the gossip that's going on, about free speech and censorship about the past year and a half. There are some people who are really, really badly hurt. Now they feel devaluated. They feel useless, they feel hurt, they feel attacked. Now, the gossip would not remain a gossip, if they don't take it on. So I'm teaching a group of people overseas how to have a raincoat. And they become so strong, they're stronger than ever before, even before they started, and even before the gossip showed up, because they're so certain in what they're doing, because they have found their values. They have new standards, and therefore, it's just not getting into alignment with them anymore. Does the gossip still happen? Yes. But it only affects them when they allow it to affect them. And there are tools and skills that you can stop it from affecting you now. If something is happening, character assassination, then go to an attorney and stop it. No doubt about it. There are different levels and different categories of gossip. And one really bad one is character assassination. I had one happen to me like about 11 years ago, where it was in the art world and was quite funny, because I went to my attorney and he stopped it in an instant. So it was just very clear, because it was just baseless. So that can happen, too. But I didn't take it personally.

Kathi 17:32

Yeah.

Daisy 17:32

Because I knew that while the other person must have really big problems, and how lucky am I that I don't have their problems, you see? And then of course, if you need to take legal steps, do it.

Kathi 17:45

Yes, absolutely.

Daisy 17:47

It happens oftentimes that then they write to the press that you need to correct this statement, because that's not what I said, you just picked out one sentence out of my entire interview. And now it's really distorting what I meant. So you must correct that. That's clear. But other than that, when it's about everyday gossip, just move above it, not that you're then on a higher horse or on a higher elevated plane. No, but emotionally you are. Because knowing, only because I tell you now, Kathi, let's do the experiment. "You're a stupid man". What happens to you?

Kathi 18:21

Nothing!

Daisy 18:21

Well, because you know that you're a smart lady. There you go.

Kathi 18:24

Yeah

Daisy 18:25

So that's it. That's how easy it is.

Kathi 18:28

Yeah.

Daisy 18:29

Stop engaging in it.

Kathi 18:30

Yes, absolutely. It a hundred % comes back to your standards and values. So if you haven't listened to the last episode, please go do that, guys. We think it's a really important conversation that we want you to be part of.

Daisy 18:45

Sure. And give us feedback. Because we love hearing from you. Because some of the feedbacks, if when you write a review, then we don't see it, when we are in a different country. Most of the time, the reviews are only visible in the country, you wrote it. So please take a screenshot, send it to us. We love receiving these reviews and notes and even in different languages. And then some of our listeners, they translated to us so that we can know what they were saying about us. So

Kathi 19:13

yeah, absolutely.

Daisy 19:15

It comes from my heart. And I wish if I could stop gossip, and if I could stop more bad in the world, I would do it. I'd love to do it. I can't, but what I can do, I can empower you, and all of our listeners with very logical and very clear tools and skills that can be applied in an instant. And now if there is a gossip going about you, around in the community or such, maybe it's a good time to stand up and say, "look, I heard that someone stated something about me, I'd like to correct that".

Kathi 19:50

Yeah, you always have the choice to stand up and say something on your own behalf.

Daisy 19:55

Make sure though that you're sure that in the gossip is nothing that kind of pushes you inside. Because most of the time, gossip is more and more hurtful when there is something to it within ourselves, mmh?

Kathi 20:11

Right. So that's an interesting point. Is the gossip triggering something within yourself that you need to have a look at?

Daisy 20:19

Because maybe there's just a tiny little bit of truth to it, then it's a great, great kind of a compass, to where you can adjust your behavior, where you can adjust your mental hygiene, maybe you can adjust your communication style, maybe you can adjust the way you carry yourself. So it's a very interesting thing too. So it can be quite a nice compass, to have a look based on your self-development journey, where you're at and where you're going. When you stand out there, and you stand up and tell a community look, I heard someone said that I killed the neighbor's dog, I would like to clarify that I never would do that. And I would like to understand, help me understand, where it comes from. But I need to make sure to be sure that I didn't kill the dog. I didn't even think about killing the dog because otherwise it will trigger me, you see. So the cleaner we become in our inner world, the more we know the values and how we can appreciate the values we value and start living based on them. Then they become our standards, then the gossip is just going not to be as hurtful.

Daisy 21:28

And nevertheless, if it's really illegal, and if it's really hurting your business, if it's hurting your career, if it's hurting your work, if it's hurting your name, then go and get help and to get the legal steps done. It's possible and sometimes we cannot change the world by the same way they were shooting at us because when now they gossip and now I gossip back,

Kathi 21:50

that's correct,

Daisy 21:50

they gossip about me and now I say well, this is just such a big gossiper. Don't ever believe this big gossiper. Guess what? I already stand here in the spotlight of being a gossiper.

Kathi 22:01

Yeah,

Daisy 22:02

So in order to stop it in my personal life, the best way is to stop it for yourself. And then it will just also change the way people approach you when they know you're not a gossiper. You appear much more trustworthy because you will be much more trustworthy.

Kathi 22:20

Absolutely, 100% agree with that. And yeah, back to those standards and starting with self.

Daisy 22:27

And interestingly enough, I was not accused of being a gossiper. That's why, you see, because I don't. Like you're not a stupid man. Because you're a smart lady. See? Same thing. You have just that wonderful gift to pick them. Throw them at me, overseas!

Kathi 22:45

It seems so, I have a hidden gift. I love it.

Daisy 22:49

Yes, we do. Lovely.

Kathi 22:51

Thank you, Daisy, we did manage to fill the other 15 minutes. Look at that. (Laughter) It's that easy, you just start us off again and off we go. Thanks, everybody, for your time today. As always, we love you for investing your time with us. And please don't forget to share with your friends and family and jump over to our website baldandblonde.live, visit us there. Maybe you can support us in some way, there's lots of ways you can do that on our website. We'd love to hear from you as well with your feedback, topic ideas and stories. We love your stories. So please keep sending them in.

Daisy 23:31

And you probably realized by now that we don't gossip about the stories you send in. Well, thank you so much for your support, keep supporting us because we want to really keep our episodes ad-free. Because I think it is so annoying if there's something just to monetize in a way that just has nothing to do with our podcast. So we don't do that, and we want to keep it that way. And thank you for your support. And follow us on Instagram baldandblonde.live and share with your family and friends and at work and your communities. And we're so, so glad. Thank you so much for giving us your ears. I feel humbled and honored that you listen to us. Thank you so much.

Kathi 24:11

And don't forget to tag us in your Instagram posts. So we'd love to see what you're up to and get your feedback. So thanks again everyone for joining us. It's been another awesome episode. We'll see you in a week, as usual. I'm Kathi Tait and we are Bald and Blonde

Daisy 24:32

Mindset Evolution. Bye.

Daisy 24:36

Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you'll find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get more value. Please leave us a review on Apple podcast or Podchaser, that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Talk to you soon.