SUMMARY KEYWORDS
care, questions, people, laughter, conditioned, hear, curiosity, matter, selling, drink, life, fish, curious, world, trained, longer, cat, born, listening
SPEAKERS
Kathi, Daisy
Daisy 00:03
Bald and Blonde. Welcome to the Mindset Evolution podcast. Hear about tips, tricks, skills, tools, inspiration, mental hygiene, know what you want and how to create what you desire to achieve predictable results and create a content life wherever you are. And here are your hosts, Kathi Tait and Daisy Papp.
Kathi 00:27
And hello everybody, and welcome to another episode of Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution. I'm Kathi Tait, the Baldwarrior, your host from Australia, and with me, as always is Daisy Papp, international excellence coach, and my dear friend from the Florida Keys. Hi, Daisy.
Daisy 00:49
Hi Kathi, my dear friend, so good to see you. And it's so lovely to know that we have so many listeners, and thank you so much for all your support and the feedback that we're receiving. We really want to keep our podcast ad-free and so we're really very much appreciative of all the support that you're bringing on in many shapes and forms. Thank you so much. So what is it that's up your sleeve today? Because you truly have sleeves on because it's winter in Australia? So what is up your sleeve?
Kathi 01:21
I always have something up my sleeve, don't I Daisy? (Laughter). Well yet look, Season Three has been fantastic so far but has been pretty heavy going, some really serious topics we've spoken about that are really pretty no-nonsense. So today, I want to throw a kind of a more fun topic at our listeners and I want to talk about self-care.
Daisy 01:48
Self-care. Oh, that's cool. Okay, good.
Kathi 01:52
Yeah, okay. Yeah. Because I think that we're really hard on ourselves right, a lot of the time. And one of the best things I did for myself was to learn how to be my own teammate, and help look after me. And that made me a much better version of myself for everybody else out there. What do you think Daisy?
Daisy 02:16
I very much agree with you. Very interesting topic. Some really funny story comes to my mind. So I had a client of mine recently and she says, yeah, well, so that would be selfish. And then I said, oh, so you're not selling fish, are you? And can you believe it? So it was just unbelievable, she really did sell fish at one point in her life (laughter). I couldn't believe it. It's like really the jackpot, you hit the jackpot, it's the once in your lifetime. (Laughter) Client is in this sad motion and in this kind of mindset, and you want to pull them out and I've tried to pull them up. Yeah, well, because it was a very bad time when I was selling fish. I couldn't believe it. (Laughter)
Kathi 03:02
If you're new to the Bald and Blonde, you won't know but Daisy does like little word games and comes up with them almost every other episode. So selling fish is really making fun of the word selfish, which we don't really believe in.
Daisy 03:20
Yeah, well, because self-care cannot be selfish. You're not selling fish. I do that with the words and the play on words because it draws a picture in your mind. Next time when someone would accuse you, ah you're so selfish, and no I'm not selling fish, I bet it will cross your mind because it draws that picture. Someone selling fish. So there's a purpose behind me doing that, well self-care when I don't care about me, then the level of how I can take care and care for others decreases.
Kathi 03:57
Yes
Daisy 03:58
Therefore it is very important to have a level of self-care that is healthy. Now how do we measure it is a different story because that can be very subjective. Some people like a hot bath some people like a sunbath, some people like to climb a mountain, others like to go jet skiing. The next one likes to just read, the other one likes to go surf on the internet. Some people like windsurfing, literally so there are so many different things that may be just wonderful, or sleeping in can be something I like that's part of my self-care, sleeping in and getting the sleep I need. And it is important that we give that to ourselves and that we acknowledge that we deserve that. Now comes the little trick here. Sadly, we are conditioned to not do so because most of us were raised well, oh, don't do that because then daddy, daddy's sleeping. Don't do that. Don't upset grandpa again. Oh, don't hurt your little sister or your little brother! No, you can't do that you cannot be so egotistical and self-centered. No, that's not kind. And because of all this brainwash, probably from the parents' well-meant education in this regard, is not really healthy, long term. We want to re-learn how to take care of ourselves, and maybe even remember, I have another wordplay with you, re-member, so become a member again of, remember, with a little baby, you were once. When you were born, you were so happy to be you. When they fed you and they cared for you and they cuddled, maybe when you were in the mood and they cleaned you up, what else did you need? You were sucking at your little fist and you looked at your little fingers. And then there was the cover and it was also tasty at times are not even to mention your toes. Because yes, we all played with our toes, no matter which age we are now, where we had them. And therefore it is important to remember, re-member, so become a member with yourself again, when you were that innocent, little cute bundle of joy that was born innocently, curiously open to explore the world eventually. And yeah, okay, so I take care of myself. Now, at the age of, in baby age, we cannot take care of ourselves. So what did we do? We took care of ourselves to announce it quite verbally, not like with words, but you probably all heard a baby crying or maybe even throwing a temper when it was not getting what it needed. So it verbalized what it needed without verbs, literally. But it brought it to attention, that hey something's not right with me. And then we become older and then we go to school, kindergarten first, pre-school, high school, and so forth. And then we are trained actually, what you feel doesn't matter anymore. How confusing is that?
Daisy 04:15
Yes. When you look at it from that perspective, you can clearly see that over toddlerhood and young childhood, we're trained to not ask for what we need.
Daisy 07:14
How tragic,
Kathi 07:15
actually, yeah.
Daisy 07:16
But when we were little babies, when we just turned around or did that cute little baby, then our parents were all over us. Oh, what's wrong with the baby? I wish that all of our listeners had caretakers who were concerned when there was a noise coming, I know of different stories and I'm truly sorry for those who had different experiences. But most of us hopefully did. And then later on when we start walking, and we grow and we start talking and then all of a sudden the rules change. It's just the same with burping. When we were little they were patting on our back to make us burp after breastfeeding or bottle feeding. Because if a baby doesn't burp, then it causes gas, and then the cries even louder and then, later on, don't burp you're a pig at the table, son. So it's so confusing because the rules change without really a clear announcement. So I think let's just jump back to where we are at right here right now in time. No matter your age, no matter your geographics, no matter your cultural background, no matter your religion, no matter your gender, no matter your orientations, your likes, your dislikes, it is okay to have needs and it is okay to long for pleasure and it is okay to take care of you. Nothing wrong with it. Because when you were born, actually you were born as such. And then you were conditioned because of grooming, grooming, and so forth. What happens then, especially in school, when they try to fit you in a box or try to put you in that little drawer or want to put that sticky label on you.
Daisy 08:56
No, let's remove all that, and let's free ourselves. Let's remember, become a member of your own being again, and forget for a moment, if you could, all that you were told. What if I told you deserve to take care of you? And let that sit for a moment and maybe repeat that question. You can go back and push rewind 15 seconds and you can listen to it over and over again. I tell you, you deserve to take care of you. And when you cannot take care of you, then you deserve to verbalize and ask for help. I went to the grocery store the other day and I have my favorite capers and I have my favorite special oil that I like, it's roasted walnut oil. And of course, it's on the top of the shelf and of course, they were sold out almost because I stepped back from the shelf and then I saw, oh there is still one of the capers and there's still some of the oil. So I was looking for the tallest shopper in the store and I was walking the aisles, and I found someone I said, please, can you help me there's something up I cannot reach. Yes, of course! Most of the times when we ask for what we need, we will receive it. Surely you won't receive it when you don't ask. So chances are increased (laughter).
Kathi 10:20
Yes, we don't live in a world of mind readers, so chances are, that's not going to happen unless you ask.
Daisy 10:28
So, therefore, dare to ask. And you know what, it's not even daring. That is nature. It's not like animals. I have a wild cat here behind the house, so I just saw it the other day, finally chasing the iguanas out of the yard. And I even thought of feeding it with some milk and bribing the cat to stay a little longer and do its job what it actually enjoys, apparently, because as I watched her chasing this and that it was crawling and up the tree and down the tree. And animals don't ask for help when they are not domesticated. But when you have a pet at home, let's say a cat or a dog, what do they do? When they want to be petted, they just come here and snuggle and the dog just waves with its tail and the cat just meows, meows. And they have no problem actually for asking, hey take care of me. So humans are not very intelligent in that way, when they no longer ask for what they need, number one, and second when they realize they need something, to give it to themselves. Now, I remember times when I was doing workshops, it was like many years ago, like 15 years ago was one of the first kind of group thingies that I did. And I was still trained, it's impolite to get up when I needed to pee because I needed to wait until all the people are finished talking. But sometimes it really takes them much longer than I anticipated, and I was sitting there on pins and needles, and I wanted to get up and walk to the bathroom. I don't do that any longer; I say excuse me for a moment, I'm out, and I'm back. Nobody needs to know what I was doing. It's personal, it's private. So self-care starts even there. When you notice that you're thirsty, please pour yourself a cup of water, or a glass of water, or whatever you're drinking, maybe put some lime or lemon in it. The problem, though, oftentimes is why we don't do that. She's drinking, by the way, I just inspired her (laughter).
Kathi 12:35
And it nearly went down the wrong hole!
Daisy 12:40
It is important that we re-learn to un-numb ourselves so that we become more sensitive, I'm thirsty, drink; I'm hungry, eat; I feel lonely, do something about it. Go out, call someone. If you don't know anyone to call, there are hotlines out there more than ever before nowadays, around the globe. So call someone, speak to someone when you feel lonely. Or when you're tired, lay down. Of course not when you're operating machinery or when you're sitting in the car, then stop, drive to the side, and rest for a while. But give yourself what you need. But in order to be able of doing so, we first must become aware of it again. So becoming more sensible and sensitive towards ourselves.
Kathi 13:27
Yeah, and I think especially in the modern world, where we live much faster, everything happens at a faster rate. There's a lot more pressure on people, not only to perform better but also to do more. I know as a woman who was a single mother and I know Daisy's had this experience, that there was a juggle to get educated, to do work as well as have sole responsibility for the upbringing of a young person. It's not an easy task and I know that there are millions of women out there like us and I'm sure that there are millions of fathers out there doing the same thing. Whatever your circumstances are, you cannot deny it, it's a world of pressure and speed, and it is taking its toll on people. And this is one of the ways that we can start to take our power back from that and get off the rat wheel and do the self-care because, at the end of the day, you will perform better. You will be more in touch with what it is you're trying to achieve in your life. You'll have better relationships because you'll have a better relationship with yourself.
Daisy 14:47
Well. I'd like to circle back to when you mentioned that life is so speedy and there's so many tasks and the pressures a lot, let's go back 150 years and if history is true, who knows nowadays what's true and what's not. So I'm going back 150 years as I learned it, let's stay with that. I'm not saying this is exactly how it was, I don't know anything anymore. Nowadays things are really funny in this regard. But my great grandparents, for example, or their parents had a different life, they more went with the daylight, getting up in the morning, and finishing up when the sun goes down, because the artificial light was not there yet and candles were rare, and so forth. So when we go back and have a look, and that then actually started consuming, and why did we start consuming, because the media kicked in, all of the sudden, we had these tell lie visions... she's giggling,
Kathi 15:53
That's three in one episode, folks. (Laughter)
Daisy 15:58
So the tell lie vision or tell a vision, your television is actually putting so many pictures on you how you're supposed to live. Okay, I remember 50 years ago, there was a woman in America and then she had two children, she had a husband, they had a car, they had a dog, maybe a cat, maybe a parent, and they had that picket fence and they lived there. And then every Thursday, they did this. And every Saturday, they did that. And on Sundays, they did another, and she was at home and cooking, and the husband came home and she took off the shoes of her husband, I'm not so sure of husbands 150 years ago, would have wanted that if they then, later on, would have not seen it in TV. So this is how it's done. And then all of a sudden, people started believing the lie in the vision. Just a hint, don't believe me, just make your research, go back and have a look at these black and white films and movies and flicks and also have a look at history and where it actually comes from. Americans who somewhat are said to be huge consumers of all sorts, they were not born like that 100 years ago. It was told them. Why, because there were people who had businesses who had an interest to sell them more and more often and then something in addition, so it is possible to exit. We don't must, we may not want to exit, that's a standard choice. But it's not like that we must remain in this hamster wheel or rat wheel or in this process of yes, life is so fast, life is so fast.
Kathi 17:38
Yeah, you make a good point. And it definitely is a choice once you recognize that it is there. And I think that you're also right about the media being responsible for let's say, mass social conditioning. And that's...
Daisy 17:56
you're so polite how you put it. I say brainwash, but okay, very good, thank you.
Kathi 18:02
And then once you realize that this is happening, and that you've been trained from childhood to think a certain way that you need a job, that you need to go within this system, that you need to get married, and you need to have two and a half children, and you need to own the car, and you need to whatever it is in your culture, because like I'm generalizing according to the culture I grew up in, but there are 51 countries listening to us, there's going to be some really big, different cultural norms out there. So whatever it is, in your culture that you can see is being built into your educational systems. And you'll know, in your own country, what is happening. Question it! Have a look at it, be aware it's there, then make a decision, do you want to stay within it? Or do you want to blaze your own way?
Daisy 18:58
Or at least go back in history and have a look, and then look when it happened and how it happened. It is interesting to see that there are still some tribes on planet earth that are not socialized and not domesticated and not civilized, as they like to call it. I believe that oftentimes they're more civilized than our civilized world that we call it, my personal humble take on it. But please go and have a look that it is not necessary, it's not a must. And also have a look inside, also part of self-care, taking an inventory from time to time. Is it what you do that you're currently doing really what you want to do while you're doing it at all? Or are you doing it because you were told to do it because it must be done this way because you're trained this way and everyone you've seen did it this way? And everyone in your family does it this way and everyone in your community does it this way and therefore you're doing it. Do you really question it from time to time while you're doing what you do while you're doing it?
Kathi 20:04
I think it's the best question Daisy because we are brought up to not question it.
Daisy 20:10
Well, time changes,
Kathi 20:12
which means it's exactly why we should question it.
Daisy 20:15
I want to inspire everyone and anyone to question everything and anything. And also question me. Go and do your research, go and have a look, go to the library, go online. I'm not telling you which browsers, you can find more information on that you can find that out, too, and go and have a look and just go back and really part of your own self-care. Am I doing it really, because it's caring for myself? Or am I doing it because I'm programmed this way and therefore I'm actually not caring for myself! Which one is it? Ask questions more often, and more bravely, courageously. Because one more time, remember, go back to your childhood when you were a little kid, you were so curious. And if you have children, you probably remember, there's a time in their childhood when they ask everything, Mommy, but how's that? Mom, what's this? Daddy, what is this? How is that? Mummy, can I do this too? They ask you 1000 questions a day. Why? Because they're geniuses. Why? Because they ask questions that how they're capable of learning. And then we become conditioned and get our curiosity wings clipped off, tragically. Now let's grow them back. Start being curious again, enjoy what you're learning, because humans are very curious, naturally. Let's get back to nature more often.
Kathi 21:39
I really love that because you, when most people talk about self-care, they're talking about things that they can do for themselves. But no one I don't think until today has ever said re-grow, regrow.
Daisy 21:55
Remember, maybe?
Kathi 21:57
Remember, reinstate your curiosity?
Daisy 22:00
Oh, yeah,
Kathi 22:01
I think that's brilliant. And I haven't heard it in conjunction with self-care and I think it's brilliant because that is the difference for our species, right? That is what sets us apart from the rest of the species on this planet is our capacity for curiosity and higher thinking. So I love that, it should be the number one thing that we do for ourselves to be curious about everything that is around us and about how we ourselves work.
Daisy 22:37
Hmm, very good point. I agree. And I'm glad you agree with me. So it's wonderful. Now, there is a principle
that I teach in workshops and seminars or in groups and also to one-on-one clients, it's called the energy bar. It is not possible to share it in this audio format, because it needs to be explained with a visual aspect to it. And the reason I mentioned it, the last part of the energy bar is truly the one that is fulfilling. So no matter how much energy we have, and how we spend it during the day, or within a time unit, or within a year or school year, or let's say the pregnancy, whatever time unit we want to choose, or within a meeting, within one hour, within 30 minutes. The last part is truly the one that is fulfilling, and it is exploring and expanding. So that is really the only thing that fulfills us now when we stop, and we are being stopped. Why? Because there's so many things that try to keep us busy from exploring and expanding through our curiosity. Therefore, we have so many people who are deeply saddened and depressed and they're out of order and burn out. Why? Because they are conditioned to stop being curious. I didn't ask you to ask me any questions, I only asked you to do the job. Do it the way I asked you to do it. I only asked you to do it the way I told you. That's it. Can you take orders? Want to keep your job? That's it.
Daisy 24:02
I hear that in my sessions when clients share their stories with me that they are pressured to do it my way and don't ask questions. I even know of some and I'm going to say it out here, I even hear it from some German politicians who over the period of the last year, they said, there are no questions to be asked. And yes, I ask questions, and I hope I can inspire you, dear listener, ask questions. And if someone tells you don't ask me questions, then I would suggest and I mean that in a humble way, of course, it depends on the setting, so I'm not telling you to do that. But maybe think of doing it or consider doing it or maybe give it a thought. Ask them, so I'm really curious sir or ma'am, or dad or mom, I'm really curious, can you help me understand why I'm not supposed to ask questions when I'm curious. Are you trying to tell me that my curiosity does not matter? Whoa. And then can you see that there may or may not happen an answer in the boiling or in the cooking? So you shall see. But I think it is very important that we take our power back and allow ourselves, it's also part of self-care. Yeah, I'm curious, ask questions, and ask yourself questions, is that really what I want to do? Is that really what I like? Is that really what I would do, I come home from work and I sit on the couch, I switch on TV, and get that brain shower all going on. And then I have a drink or two or five or 10, that I hear from people more often than not nowadays. And then they kind of walk if we can call that the walking. So they find a way to bed, maybe skip the bathroom or such, and the toothbrush as well. And then they go to bed, sleep snore most likely when they're intoxicated, and don't get enough oxygen in their system, and then wake up in the morning and do it all over again. What a life is that? And I understand that we need to make a living. And I understand we need to buy food, we have bills to pay. Same here. But ask yourself the question, is it really the conditioning, why you do that? Well, my dad came home and then he put down his briefcase, and then he sat on the couch. And then he fell asleep. And then he had a little dinner, then he went to bed and next morning started all over again. I'm just doing the same thing. Why do they do that? Why? Because that's what they saw, what they are conditioned to. That doesn't mean it cannot happen in a different way, or 1000 different ways. Ask more questions more often! And check in with yourself, does it really feel good? When you taste that water, take that moment, and really, how does that taste actually? When you drink that beer, instead of just really swallowing it down, maybe hold on for a moment and really taste it again.
Daisy 26:58
Give yourself some time, when you eat that salad that you so much like or that steak or the fish or the hotdog, or whatever it is when you eat it, take yourself a little bit in a slow-mo, put yourself in a slower mode, and taste again. You have five senses, use them. When you hear that bird, listen to it, maybe 10 seconds longer even when you're in a rush, when you're in a hurry; when you see a butterfly fly, yeah, look at it for a moment longer. Also a very important part of self-care. I remember days, where I believed self-care was like I'm talking 30 years ago that I didn't feel right, so I went shopping. And then I felt right for about 10 minutes, 15 minutes, maybe an hour and a half. And then I was back in the mood that I had to come to the realization that actually this was not really caring neither for me nor for my bank account, right? So that's not really self-care. Of course, if I need a new pair of shoes, because mine are worn out, or I need them for specific work or for a specific occasion, then that's self-care too to buy it. But let's ask more questions about all this commercial stuff that's going on in this world and start listening inside, inwardly, because self-care is an inside job. And the better you do it, it will have a great impact in the outside world, for those you care for, and those that care for you. And only a person who does not really care for you would consider it being selfish when you take self-care.
Kathi 28:31
I think that sums up the episode really nicely, Daisy. So thank you so much for your insight. Once again, I knew that this would be a great topic to talk about, we urge all of you out there to take your self-care back into the hands of you and make sure that you are okay. If you do need help, reach out to us baldandblonde.live on Instagram and on the web, or at BaldandBlonde on Facebook. We're always here to help. And as always, we love hearing your stories, your questions, hearing your feedback, and knowing that you've shared us with your family and friends. And of course that perhaps you've even left us a review on Apple or on Podchaser for Android users, don't we Daisy?
Daisy 29:22
Yes, it's lovely to see some of the reviews because I can only see the reviews that are made in the United States where I am currently am and I know sometimes I receive screenshots from reviews that people in other countries make and then they send me a screenshot from it so that we can see it. And then of course I share it with Kathi. It's lovely. I would like to add one last sentence here to, first of all, thank you so much for listening and sharing us and we love what we do, and please, when we re-inspired you, maybe you can carry it on. It's also part of self-care. Maybe you can help others to also care for themselves. This is how we make the world a better place. The more self-caring people we have the more caring people we will have to create a better world. And we have better communities and a better life, better family life and better society all around. And the last thing I wanted to say, remember, you matter? You do.
Kathi 30:21
I love that, you matter,
Daisy 30:23
each one of you.
Kathi 30:24
So that's it from us today, in the words of Daisy Papp, your international excellence coach, you matter. Thanks for tuning in. We are Bald and Blonde
Daisy 30:36
Mindset Evolution. Talk to you next time.
Daisy 30:40
Thank you for tuning in to the Bald and Blonde Mindset Evolution podcast. If you love what you're hearing, please subscribe to our podcast. In our show notes, you'll find the link to our Facebook group where you can personally connect with Daisy and Kathi and the link to our website where you can find all of our previous episodes and much more of goodies so you can get more value. Please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts or Podchaser, that really helps out the show and helps us to get some powerful feedback from you. Talk to you soon.